


Possession

by Syri



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-20
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-01-02 03:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 60,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1051781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syri/pseuds/Syri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Possession: An object owned. The act of owning something for yourself. After his Mistress changes the final cards, Yue finds himself torn between those two meanings. Struggling to reclaim control and ownership of his own body he questions, for the first time, what he was created to be. A beloved child, a faithful servant, or something less?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Yukito was no night owl by any sense of the word, which Yue found almost poetically contradictory. As a created image of himself, he would think Yukito would find it as hard to rise before noon or sleep before three as Yue himself did, but Yukito seemed to be far more his opposite than his mirror.

The switch was quick, and as always, Yuki would simply sleep through the night as Yue took his own form. As his wings unfurled around him the stirred the air, billowing his shawl gently. A few school papers on Yukito's desk shuffled and swished atop each other, but once they settled, there was no other sound. Perfect. That's what Yue preferred.

He dismissed his wings; these homes were simply not made to accommodate them, and he was afraid of smashing some sort of brick-a-brack with a wayward pin feather. Yukito was not a collector of much, and didn't fill his house with un-needed clutter, but there was enough. While the body may be Yue's, he conceded this home was Yukito's. It certainly was not his.

With Yukito asleep, the house dim, and the city outside starting to grow dim as midnight neared, Yue felt he could breathe again. He was starting to make this a habit now, to return to his true form at night. It did Yukito no harm, nor deprived him of any sleep, and was the only time Yue didn't feel like he was suffocating, or beginning to develop claustrophobia

It hadn't bothered him so much before; he'd been in a state of twilight sleep for years before the Judgment, and since then, he'd mostly been too weak to notice such small annoyances. With Touya's powers though, and Sakura's strengthening, he almost felt like himself again, at least during the full moon. However, without such worries to distract him, with nothing to protect his Mistress from, with the magical community still and quiet the past month, Yue was simply…bored. Irritated, restless. No longer having such a pressing distraction forced his mind to seek other occupation, and there simply wasn't much available. Yuki did not share his taste in literature nor art. Films didn't interest him much, and neither did Yukito's preferred music. While athletic, Yue felt far more like a spectator when he played these strange sports, disconnected and nonplussed unless it was archery. The only time he had to seek amusement on his own was at night, and then his choices were even more limited.

Thus, his growing irritation.

Back home, he'd have had any number of things to do. He could read, or spend time in the gardens, or practice any of the instruments he was proficient with. Clow would have encouraged him to practice his Japanese or calligraphy, or to give watercolor painting another try, after the disastrous first attempt that had left his hair streaked with vivid pastel colors. He could have practiced his archery or spellwork, even, or playing with any of his brothers and sisters…

And amusement aside, there had always been plenty to do. He had looked after the finances for his Master, done most of the cooking and mending, and kept the house in general good humour. True, he'd had the help of Watery, of Move, Change, Through, and of Bubble and Fiery when they were in a temper to take requests from the Moon. There would have been tea to make or floors to clean or books to put back in their proper place...

He'd have had his Master to serve. A purpose.

His shawl rustled down each step as he trod downstairs, and midway he deftly wrapped the long, cool fabric around his right arm to keep it off the floor.

Downstairs were quiet sounds. A drop from the sink, a clock in the living room, and the slight thrum of the air conditioner, one modern appliance Yue was quite fond of, if he had to admit. He remembered scorching summers spent in Southern China, Kero quite happy with his fat belly pressed to cool, shady grass, but Yue uncomfortable in layers and layers of formal brocade hanfu and trying in vain to bundle his meters of hair up off his neck.

…why did memories of such a hot, blistering August leave him feeling so chilled? Yue wrapped his shawl another time around his arm, pressing the bundle to his middle as he paced the living room. He needed something to do, someone to...to talk to. He enjoyed being alone, but that was so different from being lonely.

Stretching out on the long couch in Yukito's living room, he let the stillness wrap around him, as comforting a companion as Dark herself. He smiled fleetingly at that; he and Dark had been very close. Night and Moon, they had complimented one another in a way only created beings could. He and Keroberos had been created to represent every opposite Clow could think of. Sun, Moon, Yin, Yang, East and West…true, he was closer to Kerberos than any of the cards, but what he shared with Dark and Windy and Mirror and Dream…it was different than the brutal but loving rivalry he had…once had…with Kerberos.

They were all still here. Clow was gone, their home gone, the world they had known changed and covered with gleam and glass and crackling electricity, but they were all here still.

So then, why did they feel so far away?

)o(

When Yukito woke the next morning he had no idea that he had been up and awake all night. Always connected, Yue could just feel his cheerfulness fill their shared body as he stretched, wriggling his toes sleepily under the covers. He would be in school soon, which is usually when Yue slept, for lack of anything else to do. Rarely, he would listen in to a particularly interesting or difficult lesson, but being so many centuries older than Yukito's classmates meant there was little taught that he found stimulating.

'Perhaps Yukito will choose an interesting course of study in college,' Yue thought dully, with an unpleasant image of Yukito happily skipping into a culinary school.

His other form rose, and Yue retreated to the quietest corner of his own mind he could find, to allow Yukito the private dignity to bathe and dress and ready himself for the day. He slipped his shirt on, and tucked his uniform jacket under his arm to toss across a chair downstairs as he set about making for himself a breakfast Yue would have once cooked for his family of three. He sang to himself softly as he chopped peppers for an omelet, a tune Yue didn't recognize but also paid very little attention to.

"I wonder if you like to cook, Yue?"

…Now that, he paid attention to. Yukito had picked up this.. …sometime in the past month or so. It was often, not every day, but every so often he would speak to Yue as though he knew he was listening. Which, he was, but Yue knew all Yukito knew of him was that he existed, he was magical, and had helped to create him. He didn't know what Yue looked like, his personality, nothing as far as Yue knew. He must not have been all that interesting a topic. He was glad to keep his privacy, but at the same time, it wounded his pride, a bit, to think Yukito wasn't even SLIGHTLY curious.

Or…perhaps he was, but far too polite to intrude and snoop. He didn't know, and didn't much care. He did not answer Yukito, and wouldn't have, even if he could.

)o(

Touya was becoming an even more frequent guest at Yukito's home, just as Yukito was spending more time at Touya's. Yue could feel why. Aside from the deep love Yuki had for Touya, there was also a welling bubble of tar darkening his otherwise unblemished and happy existence.

Yukito was alone. His grandparents were not real. His memories were nothing but fairytales Yue had written to sooth him to sleep. Birthday parties, childhood friends, barely remembered parents; none of them had ever actually existed. Yukito was simply THERE one day…while Yue was not one to intrude on Yukito's more private thoughts; it was difficult to shut out everything, or even most things, especially when they held a very deep weight. He could, on many afternoons, feel a depression come over Yukito as he walked home, either from school or, more often than not, from the Mistress's house. School kept him busy. Time at the Kinomoto household offered a distraction, companionship, and a family.

It wasn't as if Yukito wasn't use to an empty home. After all, technically, his grandparents had never been there. The house had always been empty. There were never really any postcards from Hong Kong or Dubai or Seattle. None of the momentos around the house belonged to real people. The clothes than hung in the closet across the hall had never been worn. Everything was simply an elaborately set stage.

Yue could feel for his other self, then. Feeling the droop in his step, the thought of being all alone, of having not one soul to call family, how deeply must that alone cut through a man? Not to even begin grappling with the notion that he himself was not truly real…

Yukito had not been thinking too terribly much on that. Unlike Yue, Yukito was very good at overcoming negative pulls. Not simply blocking out memories or ignoring them, but simply…it was as though Yukito were wrapping those painful thoughts carefully in tissue and putting them aside until he was ready to feel them, to face them.

Yue couldn't do that. He could repress and deny and refuse, but he could not act calmly with his hurts, nor with his joys. He felt everything whenever they damn well wanted to be felt. Of course, acting on those flooding rushes of emotion was a separate battle, and one that Yue had stained his armor with countless times. A warrior of stoicism and denial. Perhaps it was telling that The Lock was a moon ruled card. No one could keep to himself as well as Yue.

"…I suppose I'm not really alone though, am I, Yue?" Yukito's voice echoed through the conspicuously empty entrance hall. "I always have you. You don't say much, but I like to imagine you're a good listener…I suppose even if I get lonely, I won't ever really be alone."

'If you call passively listening to the both of us suffocate being a good listener, I suppose I am.'

)o(

Heey y'all, I'm back to writing CCS it seems. It's...gonna be unusual though. My headcanons have changed so much since my last spurt of fics. Hope you enjoy


	2. Chapter 2

Yukito loved having dinner at Touya's. While he was an adequate cook and he hated feeling like he was eating the Kinomoto's kitchen bare, it was better company than his usually mute conjoined twin.

He stood between Sakura and Touya, peeling potatoes; he always pitched in, wanting to feel like he had at least partially earned his keep for the night, though he knew that wasn't necessary. Sakura chatted on about the sculpture she and Tomoyo were working on in her art class, and Yukito listened with honest attention. He was glad Sakura was so comfortable around him now. Her schoolgirl crush had been adorable, and completely harmless for a young lady her age, and he'd loved her all the more for it, but it was still better, he thought, to see the "real" Sakura. The strong willed fifth grader who didn't blush and fumble over her words every time he smiled at her, or try to censor her more "nerdy" moments out of nerves.

At the same time, it was so hard to look at her and imagine the vast amount of power she possessed, that she commanded…that in "another life" she was technically his boss…That this was the little girl his other self served, loved, adored. That…that he may someday die for her, with no choice in the matter.

Chop, chop, chop. He focused on the sounds of the cutting board and the slowly broiling pot on the stove instead. Death was too frightening a prospect to spend any thoughts on when technically he's not even alive. He was never born, so…would his disappearance really be considered a death…?

No. Those thoughts didn't belong here. Not in a sunny yellow kitchen, next to his beloved and a dear friend. And with food on the stove!

"Sakuraaa!" a jarring voice called loudly, growing louder at an alarmingly quick rate. The tiny golden form of Kero sailed into the kitchen, tiny little wings a-flutter. "I smell stew," he chirped in an excited tizzy. "And I know you wouldn't be cooking such a good meal without a GREAT dessert to follow!"

Sakura laughed, turning from the pot on the stove long enough to give Kero a broad smile. "Dad is bringing a Lemon Tart home from the bakery tonight!" she told him. "But we have company tonight so you can't have more than your share!"

Kero hovered in the air behind her, and began to debate on just exactly how much "his share" really was.

Yukito looked on kindly between the two.

"Kero sure seems to be enjoying his new freedom, eh, Touya?" He said as he dumped his potatoes into the pot.

Touya shrugged. "The plushie's been taking over the damn house if you ask me. The Monster and the Monsters little pet," he snickered, knowing Kero was too distracted by sweet offerings to bite at Touya's fightin' words. "But seriously, now that Dad knows, the furball's just been making himself at home where-ever. Don't know how he managed to keep his yap closed all this time."

"Do you think he's always been so boisterous?" Yukito wanted to know. "It must have been hard for him to keep himself hidden and behaved for over a year!"

"I dunno," Touya said honestly, giving Yuki a sly grin. "You'd know better than I would. It's technically YOUR brother."

"…My…?"

"Well, that's what the Monster says, and he's referred to Yue as his brother once or twice. So I guess technically he is…" He laughed, laying a kiss on Yuki's cheek. "I may be stuck with Sakura, but congratulations, your closest relative is a bath sponge."

Yuki laughed in return, but kept stealing glances over at Kero. He'd never seen his "true form" either; usually by the time Keroberos was around, Yue was there too. But he supposed being brothers to a great beastly battle-lion wasn't any less weird than being related to a plush toy.

His grandparents were never real, he'd never been born…yet he had a brother. He turned back to the cutting board, picked it up to plop in the sink and rinse off his knife. That was a nice sentiment, he supposed, having a brother, but…he technically wasn't HIS, but Yue's. He didn't know Kero. He would LIKE to get to know him, yes, but…at least he'd been allowed the illusion of a relationship with his grandparents.

"Oi, Bunny Boy!" Kero's ever chipper voice called in his ear.

Yuki came out of his thoughts with a jolt, but laughed at himself for it. "Hey there, Kero!" he greeted personally, still struggling with the fact that he was talking to a nearly 300 year old magical creature, as the mask of another 300 year old magical creature.

"Are you staying for dinner?" Kero wanted to know, and Yuki nodded. Behind him, Touya shut the pantry door dramatically.

"Great, between you two, there won't be a bite left for any of us!"

"Hey, your loverboy here can eat TWICE what I do," Kero tossed back, bringing himself up to Touya's height. He seemed unimpressed though.

"That's because all you eat is sugar, and Yuki will eat anything," he replied blandly, trying to sidestep Kero, but he could flutter faster.

"I don't just eat sugar! I eat stew, and noodles and and ramen and modern yaki and roast potatoes and dumplings...aaah! I love dumplings! Especially baozi! Yue use to make the best sprout baozi!" he ended his rant in a yearning whine, sinking his fluttering as though lamenting the lack of home cooked beansprout buns.

"Yue can cook?" Touya and Yuki caught each others eyes as they asked the question at the same time, but Yuki with eagerness and Touya with a snort to his voice. HE had seen Yue, and imagining him, with his impractically long hair and elaborate silk ensemble and general air of Don't Fucking Talk to Me, doing anything as involved as cooking made his head spin.

"You mean he does something aside from look prissy?" Touya continued, and Kero nodded, still in a dreamy state.

"Yue used magic for most of his housework, but he made all his food by himself! Haaaa, he made the best dumplings, and roast chicken and mint lamb and little sweet bean cakes and soups! I wheedled him into making mooncakes once for a festival and they were perfect, but he swoer he'd never make the damned things again even though I begged and begged eevery year-"

"So if Rapunzel can cook how come he's not here helping us?" Touya wanted to know, brandishing a ladle in Keros' direction.

"I dunno," he shrugged. "He probably doesn't know how to use an oven anyway. We had a range-thingy in England right before moving to Japan, but other than that it was all little brick ovens or wood burning stoves."

Sakura giggled from her place at the counter. "But wouldn't he know how from watching Yukito all this time?"

"Hm, depends on how much he's actually paying attention," Kero said dismissively. "He has a really short attention span for learning anything Clow didn't want him to learn. Anyway, when is yer Dad gonna get home?"

And as quickly as the topic had come up, Yue was gone from their minds. All of them except Yukito.

"So you cook, hm?" he murmured quietly enough that not even Touya across the counter could hear him. "Maybe you can teach me to cook Chinese dishes sometime. I promise I won't tease for mooncakes."

Yue could hear Yukito. Hell, he didn't need to actually verbally speak. He would have heard him if he just directed those thoughts towards him, but he supposed Yuki had no way of knowing that.

Still, he had no intention of teaching Yukito how to cook, especially not the dishes he was most proud of. Yukito thought his culture was Japanese, and he could just go on believing that. China had been HIS home, his, and Kero's, and Clow's, but mostly his. Between there, England, Scotland, India, and their brief stint in Russia, China had been what Yue called home.

Of course, nowhere was foreign, as long as he'd been with them, with Master.

He bristled as much as a currently formless conscience could bristle. No, he would not be sharing something so important with his Other Self. They already shared a body, did Yukito really think he was privy to anything else?

Hmf! Yue didn't withdraw any further, though. He couldn't put himself to sleep on a whim, couldn't block out what was going on, but generally if he was bored enough or disinterested he could allow his mind to wander off far enough to become disinterested, but that was also isolating, and considering how he'd been spending his nights…well, hearing Kerberos's booming, heavily accented voice was as close as he was going to get to his old company right now.

Of course, there was always, ALWAYS this new company as well.

"You finish your report, Yuki?" Touya asked, popping a piece of chopped carrot into his mouth, then proceeding to chop more.

"Ah, I did, yesterday!" he chirped. "But I have Literature to work on tonight. I could help you with yours as well, Touya!"

A vein of frustration flickered across Touya's face, too quickly for Yukito to see, and Yue wasn't paying close enough attention.

"Hm. I'm almost done with my homework," he said dismissively. "I spent my free period finishing. I thought maybe we could go see a movie or something after dinner."

Yuki smiled, and Yue felt their face grown warm. "Tomorrow, Touya. I really do have to finish my homework!"

The earnest tone of Yuki's voice seemed to be enough for Touya, who smiled back. "Alright. Though I don't know what you're shooting for. You already lost out on top percent after your stint as Sleeping Beauty."

"I know, " Yukito said quietly. It was true; he'd been among the top of their class, but when he grew so tired, and began to sleep or doze off through all his classes…well, he was still trying to piece together the lessons he'd missed, and catching up was a struggle. Missed reading chapters were one thing, missing weeks of compounding math assignments was another. "But I'm not trying for that anymore, Touya. I just want to know I caught up and finished, for myself."

The warm embrace around his shoulders was more than enough to stave off the prickling feelings of self doubt.

)o(

The movie the following night was nice enough, and an expensive date, with Yukito wolfing down an entire tub of extra large popcorn on his own, but pleasant enough.

"I wonder if I'll stop eating so much once Yue starts to get stronger," he asked out loud as the movie let out.

Touya held the door open for him, and a group of young girls following. "Who knows. You've always ate like this. Maybe he made you that way. Overcompensating?"

Yukito laughed, and leaned against Touya's shoulder. "Yue cooks, and no cook doesn't taste their own food. So I don't think it isn't that he CAN'T eat…" he trailed off, having nothing to continue his thoughts with. He didn't know Yue as a person, let alone the intricacies of how he was…made. Put together. How THEY were put together.

They walked down the darkening streets in comfortable silence for several blocks, watching the streetlights begin to flicker, weak and dim at first, then gaining a stronger glow, moth dancing about the warm, bright bulbs.

Finally, Yuki spoke again. "You've met him, right Touya?"

"Hm. Yue? Yeah, course I did, you know that, dumbass," he teased. "Only the once though. I mean…I suppose I've seen him enough times, but I've only spoken to him the one time. I hardly remember the second, since I fell asleep so soon after…"

"And what did you two say?" Yuki pressed, wanting to hear the story again.

Touya's hand was broad and warm as it slipped across Yuki's shoulders. "I've already told you this," he said with a false weariness. "…but really there isn't much to say. I outed him, and he did his fluffy wing thing, went all glowy, and there he was. I made him promise to protect Sakura in exchange for my magic, and that was it."

"Ok, yes, but…but what is he LIKE?" Yuki pressed with a plead to his voice.

Touya sighed as they turned the corner onto Yuki's street. "I don't know…really formal. Reserved. Kinda…cold…you know, Yuki, I don't think we really want to talk about Yue right now."

Yukito felt a small smile pull across his lips as he dug his keys from his pocket. "We don't, To-ya?" he all but giggled back.

Touya shook his head as he followed his beloved inside. "No…I sure as hell don't."

He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Yukito in the dim entrance, and Yuki allowed himself to be lost in a warm moment before gently pulling away.

"I know, To-ya..but my mind is just too busy right now…alright?"

Touya was reluctant to shift his focus, but relented easily and flicked on the lights. He knew that, he understood. At least, as much as anyone COULD understand their boyfriend having to completely separate identities and one of them not really even being real.

"You know I never knew I was signing up to be best friends with someone with multiple personalities," he teased, tossing his shoes aside.

"Oh yes you did! You said you knew from the start I wasn't human!"

"Sure, but I assumed you were really a mermaid or something."

"A Mermaid!" Yukito howled, shoving Touya forward, shooing him away for his barking laughter. "Not something a little, I don't know, cooler?"

Touya tried to not laugh too hard as he insisted he didn't know any magical creatures whose main power was Super Eating.

)o(

The moon was dying, and Yue could feel it. Looking through the open windows he could see only a sliver of a crescent smiling down at him, scarcely enough to kiss light against the glossy leaves on the trees, or wander across the grass.

Yue always hated the new moon. Even with Clow alive to draw his magic from, the new moon left him feeling lethargic, cranky and needy. He remembered how heavily Kerberos would tease him about his "women's issues" and monthly hysteria, as Yue would sulk and scoot closer to Clow from his spot at Master's feet.

"Be nice, Kero," Clow would scold gently, petting through Yue's long hair. He would soak up that touch, feeling Clow's magic dripping from his fingertips, needing it like water. "You should feel grateful your nature doesn't dispose you to this every month."

…but there was no Clow here now. He wasn't there to let Yue fall asleep at his lap, read to him, bring him tea. And what was worse, the new Mistress was nowhere near as powerful as Clow yet, and thus didn't have enough magic to keep Yue in fair spirits through the new moon. Though unable to catch cold or illness, he'd felt such malaise second hand on the rare occasions Clow had taken to bed with a fever, and this was not unlike those times. He just felt…ill. Light headed, and spinning.

'I should have stayed in my false form,' he thought to himself dully as he leaned his face against the glass. Even as he thought it though, he knew that would have been worse. They together may be spared the physical ails of a new moon, but it wouldn't have done anything to quell Yue's unrest, or pain at being alone during a time he was use to being spoiled…

The windowseat here was comfortable, the upper part of the window open and letting in a warm summer breeze, just enough to rustle his bangs against his face. So late at night, there were no cars. No honking, no screaming children, no radios blaring music or airplanes overhead…if he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend…he was home. This didn't feel like Beijing, no, but maybe Wales. Yes…a war, summer night in Wales. Master was not here because he was attending business, a days journey away. That's why he felt unwell. And when Clow returned and realized he'd been gone on the new moon he would apologize with warm blankets and soothing hands on his face and the gifts he'd brought home for his two dearest companions. And then the knot in Yue's stomach would untangle and his head wouldn't be swimming…

What lovely thoughts to fall asleep to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuing to get caught up with FFnet. I primarily post/update there, so I have up till chapter 6 online already.

When Yukito wasn't in school the next morning, Touya panicked. He sent Sakura, reminding her she'd be late, and lied saying Yukito had a big history report he was probably still working on.

As soon as his little sister had skated out of sight, he switched the gears on his bike and rode the short blocks to Yukito's house as quickly as his pedals would take him.

It was fine, he was sure…had to be. There was nothing wrong. And if there ws, Yue could just pop on out and tell them, couldn't he? Unless something had STARTED with Yue?

He braked hard enough to squeal his tires and laid his bike over on the lawn.

"Yuki?" he called as he rang the bell, waiting only three seconds before beginning to knock. "Yuki?"

When there was still no answer, he tested the knob, found it locked, and picked out his own key to twist it open.

"Yuki?" he called into the quiet house. There was no scent of frying breakfast, nor the smell from Yuki's shower…and even more upsetting, his room was undisturbed.

He ran back downstairs, hoping, praying to find Yukito asleep on the couch. If he wasn't, he…he didn't know what to do. When your magical boyfriend goes MIA, who do you CALL?

"Yukito? Yuk…Yue?"

He froze in the archway to the living room at the unexpected sight. Nestled in the window seat, knees drawn up and hair spilling onto the floor, slept Yue.

"God damn…Oi! Yue!" he groused. relief mixed with embarrassment. Stupid albino making him freak out for no reason! He took a deep breath to calm himself, and let curiosity take over as his dominant emotion. "Yu..Yue. Come on..Yukito needs to go to school…"

He reached out to shake him awake, but hesitated; it seemed…wrong, to touch him. Sure, he had held him all those weeks ago, against his shoulder to transfer his powers, before he'd passed out…come to think of it, that seemed to be the norm when he was around the guy. Ass.

He swallowed his reluctance, and laid a heavy hand on Yue's shoulder, over that heavy wrap thing he wore, and shook gently. "Yue!"

The Guardians eyes opened slowly, startling Touya again with their un-natural coloring as they came to rest instantly upon Touya.

…"You sleep like the dead, you know that?" Touya teased. It was the only thing he could think to do. When in doubt, taunt and torment. "I Pounded on the door and rang and yelled your…er…Yuki's name like 12 times and you slept right through it."

Yue huffed, eyes still locked on Touya, who couldn't even begin to read the emotions across his face. Was he annoyed? Contemplative? Still fucking half asleep?

"So…um…Yukito really can't miss any more school, so if you wouldn't mind, you know, changing places?"

He closed his eyes and huffed again, and Touya took that for a reluctant yes, though he seemed to be slow about getting on with it. He stretched luxuriantly, stood, did the same, adjusted his robed, tugged at his sash, his hair-tie..

"…If you even try to comb that out, I'm just gonna leave cause it'll take you till graduation," he muttered dully, earning himself a VERY sharp glare from not-Yuki.

"You're not a very patient young man," was all Yue said to him, before enclosing himself in a feather, glittering cocoon.

"Yeeeah Mom, thanks for that," Touya scoffed and rolled his eyes back as Yukito emerged from the ball of light.

"OH! Um…G..goodmorning?" Yukito seemed to guess, looking around the living room still dressed in his pajamas. "I don't remember coming dow- oooh. Yue?"

Touya nodded. "Found you…him..sleeping at your window…does he do that a lot?"

"Er…sleep in my living room? I…I don't know, To-ya," He had to admit a big sheepishly. He fiddled with he button on his chest pocket. "I don't know anything that happens when I'm…my other me, remember? But I feel rested, so I suppose there's no harm, hm?"

Touya's hand ruffled his short gray hair, affectionate but serious in his intent to muss it up.

"Yeah, well, THIS you is gonna miss homeroom, but you can make first period if you hurry up."

Yuki nodded, gave a quick kiss, and hurried up the stares to grab a shower and a change of clothes.

"Want help in the bath?" Touya called up after him, but all he received in return was an indignant laugh and a closing door.

"…I don't even know what to do with half of you," Touya said. Wether to himself, or to the empty staircase and closed door, he didn't know.

)o(

embarrassed by being caught asleep, Yue kept to himself even more than usual the next several days, till the moon began to glow again. Even then, he really had no desire to go through the inconvenience of changing, and likely wouldn't' have, if he hadn't been the topic of conversation nearly a week later.

Fujitaka was gone for the night on a weekend excavation, so the young Mistress and his brother were left to look after the home and cook. Yuki was helping Sakura by correcting her math homework. Yue didn't know if it was Kerberos or Yukito who had first brought him up; he hadn't been paying attention, but after a few moments he was aware of his name being spoken.

"That's because Yue's spoiled," Kero taunted, licking a generous blob of cake batter off one furry paw. "Clow always let him get away with slacking off, so there's no way he'd help in the kitchen anymore."

Yue bristled behind his mask. Slacking off! The nerve! He had been up before Kerberos most morning to prepare breakfast and start the wash. He enjoyed his afternoon naps as much as the lion did, but at leas YUE earned his!

"That doesn't seem like a very nice thing to say about your brother," Yukito said thoughtfully, and Yue glowed with the ego boost, glad that at least SOMEONE was standing up for him!

Through Yukito's amber eyes, he watched Kero grow quiet for a moment, studying them, and Yue cursed himself. Of course he'd be able to see his aura surge with frustration at that teasing! Well, fine, he wouldn't let it get to him.

"Yeah well it suits Yue!" Kero insisted, folding his little arms mid hover as he nodded his head knowingly. "Course, I can understand why Clow coddled him so much. He IS the youngest, after all."

"Oh, he's younger than you?" Yuki asked brightly. "That's cute!"

"Younger than all of us!" Kero corrected. "Clow made me first, then made the cards over the next year, then made Yue! So he's the baby of the family!"

Yukito smiled with delight at this. "I never thought of Yue as being the baby anything," he laughed. "But I suppose I don't really know him…"

Kero nodded. "Yup yeuuup! Clow didn't want to verload his youngest I'm sure, especially knowing how much stronger I was"

"But…Kero, Yue is REALLY strong," Sakura pointed out from the counter, where she'd just put a casserole on a tray to cool. "I've seen him myself!"

"Well yeah, but he's no Guardian beast," Kero said tragically, turning around to face his Mistress. "I mean, Yue's strong and all, but between having to be close to his Master and getting all whiny once a lunar cycle-"

"You always rattle off such nonsense, Kerberos, but then rarely would you ever accept my offer to spar."

Kero nearly fell from his midair perch in shock as the other Guardians voice bit coldly across the room. Turning around, they both saw him, and didn't now how they'd missed his transformation.

"Yue!" Kero chuckled amicably, fluttering over to speak eye level to him. "Yuuueee, long time no see, huh? You know I was JUST talking about you-"

"So I heard, Yue remarked calmly, but his eyes were sharp and bitter."

Kero twitched his pompom tale back and forth nervously. "Oh come on, I was only teasing! You know I tease, little brother, eh? Eh?"

"You're awfully anxious and defensive for facing your weak and needy little brother," Yue quipped, glaring at his twin through calm but heavy lidded eyes.

"Oh, well, I was just…ya know, Yue, it sure is good to see you! You should stay for dinner!"

Behind them, Sakura sputtered, and the sound of water spilling onto a fire-hot stove sizzled through the air. "Oh! Of course you're welcome to!" Sakura sputters. "But…um…Kero, I thought you said Yue doesn't eat?"

"I do not need to eat," Yue corrects his Mistress simply. "Nor does eating have any benefit is giving me strength. But if I wished, I could eat."

"Oh…um…then would you like to?"

"No."

"….okay…"

Sakura busied herself with taking the sprouts off the stove to strain, hiding her flushed red face. Yue felt a pull of sympathy for his little Mistress. She just didn't know what to do with herself around him, and he knew he intimidated her. Yet, there really wasn't much to be done about that, was there?

"Yuki? If the monster's done holding you hos…tage…wooow you are not Yukito."

"Very astute of you, Touya," Yue replied simply to the rooms newest arrival, but there was a note of bitter smugness to his voice.

Touya nodded, still a bit disoriented from the simple feeling of What You Find being not What You Expect.

"Yeah, um…Hey."

Yue bowed his head politely in return, wrapping his spare yards of silk around his arm from deft habit.

Touya stood awkwardly in the doorway for a beat, but shook off the pricklings. This was Yue. Not exactly a stranger. Someone he'd sacrificed a great deal for…He had no reason to feel intimidated, and refused to be made to feel that way.

"So, um…are you staying for dinner? Cause there would be so much more to go around if Yuki waited for his share. Just saying."

Yue lowered his shoulders a centimeter, wondering what the recent obsession between him and food was with this family.

"…I may stay," he said finally with dignity. "But, no thank you, I will not be eating." With that, he turned on his heel, Kero assuming he was going to make himself comfortable in the corner, but instead he addressed Sakura next. With another tilt of his head, he asked, "May I help you with anything, Sakura?"

Kero and Yue both tried to hide sounds of shock and surprise. Sakura, meanwhile, had done completely scarlet from her hairline to her collar.

"Oh n…no, Yue, it's fine! I just needs to uh, wait for the cake to be done baking, everything else is um…ready!"

Yue Hm'd quietly as an acknowledgment, and fell back quietly, situating himself in an out of the way corner, much more to what Kero expected of him.

Yue tried to ignore the fact that non-magical conversation seemed to screech to a halt once he became himself and no longer Yukito. Kero must have felt it to…either the tension in the room, or the bristling unease radiating from the Moon, as he was quick to try and quell the quietness

"Hey Yue, while you're here you oughta see the game Sakura made up with the Cards!She sets a buncha' them loose around the house and tells them to hide in a normal form as best they can then we race each other to try and find them all. Course, she beats me every time cause I can't find your cards for anything. Hey, you and I should be a team! I mean, I know you'd be no good at pulling Fiery out of the stove burner, but you're the one who'd be able to figure out which sink Watery is hiding in!"

Yue gazed level at Kero as he continued to go about describing the rules to this supposedly new game, describing how last time, Glow hid in the hall closet lightbulb and they didn't find her ALL afternoon and-!

"…Kerberos, the Cards are very good at Hide and Seek. We use to play it with Clow, when we were small, remember?"

"O….oh, yeah…I'd almost forgot that!" Kero said in surprise, then smiled at the almost forgotten memories. "That's right, we did! You know he didn't start tha game till you were born, Yue. Wanted to kep your brooding, sulking self happy!"

Yue's wings were hidden, but Touya could see his back and shoulders ripple under his layers of silk, and could envision them rustleing. "Oh maybe, Kerberos," Yue's lilting voice began, "Clow created the game to keep YOU out of trouble. And out of the kitchen. And out of his hair."

"And right into yours, eh Yue?" The sun guardian fluttered down in a breeze of tiny, magical wings to pick up the end of Yue's long coil, swinging it to and fro like a skipping rope.

"Remember, Yue? I'd use Move to tie your hair around something while you were looking so I could get ahead!"

If Touya didn't know better, he'd swear Yue's frosted mask melted the smallest bit at that, his pursed lips easing their tension for a heartbeat. But all he replied with was, "Yes. I remember."

That seemed to be enough for the tiny plush though, to continue on his memory lane journey. "Yeah yeah! And when you'd fall asleep every new moon I'd do the same, and you'd wake up after a marathon nap all groggy and sleepy and calling out for Clow…you use to get so MAD at me!"

"You didn't find it as funny when I would do the same to your tail," Yue growled. "And it was hardly fair teasing to take advantage of my sleeping."

"That's not sleeping, Kero argued. You go into a coma on the new moon!" chuckling to himself Kero turned around to start on a juicy story to Sakura. "One time Clow got out his calligraphy ink, and-"

"So is that what happened to you last week?"

Yue didn't startle or act surprised, but the way he slowly turned to appraise Touya after his question was unsettleing all the same.

"Pardon?"

Touya sought his words for a moment, not wanting to piss Yue off or scare him back to Yukito. Not that he woudlnt' prefer to see his Yuki, of course, but speaking to Yue was a rarity.

"Well, you know. Last week, when I was looking for Yuki, and you were sleeping at the window. It was a new moon then, wasn't it? Is that like your kryptonite?"

"My…what? Pardon me?"

Touya smirked and shook his head. "Nevermind that, then. But seriously. You loose your mojo then or something? …Can you not be Yukito then?"

Yue wasn't one to fidget. He was raised too well and had too much dignity for filthy habits like picking at his nails or messing with his hair- it was always too bound up to do anything with anyway- but right now he'd like something to do with his hands. He was use to so many questions at once, from someone not his Mistress. Her inquiries were fine, and answered with no argument. Touya's, though…

"Yukito is not effected by the cycles of the moon at all, you have my word," he said to pacify what he assumed was Touya's primary concern. "I, however, depend on the moon for a bit of my strength. The more light it shines back and reflects, the stronger I am. On a new moon, there is no light, and I simply don't have as much power. So I prefer to sleep."

"He says sleep, he means snore away for 16 hours at a time!"

Kero seemed to be falling into a long comfortable stride, but Yue was his ever reserved self, standing tall and calm through Kero's gentle mockery. Something about the exchange seemed right, as though Kero often teased, but as he continued it seemed evident he usually got a different reaction from his brother. Touya wasn't sure though that continuing to push was going to achieve the desired result. He didn't know Yue at all, but he could read people well enough to see Yue was in no mood for such banter. Of course, it was hard to image he EVER was.

"Eh, Beani, do you want supper or not?" Touya snitted, offering a tea saucer with a small slice of eggplant casserole on it.

Kero excitedly flew over to take a seat atop the table, brandishing a spoon larger than he was to transfer the steaming delicacy from plate to mouth.

"…you can sit if you like, Yue. This is a four seat table and it's not like this thing needs a chair.

Yue blinked his lavender eyes quietly, flickering them between the two sides of the small, polished kitchen table. While there was a spare seat on either side, Kerberos had claimed the area next to Mistress, so the only truly free place was next to…

Touya scooted his chair over to the edge of the table, as though indicating he would accommodate their unusual dinner guest sitting there.

Faced with the offense of denying hospitality, Yue weighed wether or not courtesy could loophole him out of this, but unlike declining a more comfortable spot to sleep in Sakura's room the night he couldn't return to his form, this was a public invitation. Clow would have told him it was rude…

Mindful to not step on his robes or his hair, he turned, and said nothing, but sat quietly at the remaining chair, opposite Kero.

"Sure you don't want some?" Kero offered his spoon, a chunk of dark, baked eggplant dripping in some sort of heady sauce. Trying to not appear to disgusted by his Mistresses cooking, he declined with a simple turn of his head. Thankfully, the conversation soon turned to video games; apparently the anger-inducing past-time was a shared interest of the three. He hadn't a care about the subject, nor did he knew enough to even listen politely.

He wished it wasn't an inappropriate time to turn back to Yukito. He didn't play such games much, but often watched Touya and Sakura play, and would have jested and teased kindly, prompting questions even if he didn't have a personal investment in the answer. Yuki was simply…kind…that way.

Tea was passed around then, with dessert. By this time, they'd figured to simply not offer Yue any. Which was fine, and saved him the obligation of refusing, but somehow at the same time it made him feel…very invisible.

'Suitable for Erase to be one of mine, I suppose.'

)o(

With supper eaten and the dishes put away, Sakura headed to Tomoyo's house for a stay-over, leaving Touya and a recently re-emerged Yukito alone with homework. And a generous helping of casserole and dessert for Yukito, who wouldn't be able to stand having missed out on dinner.

"I'm sorta glad Yue doesn't eat!" Yukito quipped after devouring his leftovers and accepting a cup of tea. "There wouldn't have been any left for me!"

Touya snorted and pushed a few buttons on his calculator with the end of his pen. "I doubt he'd eat much anyway. Doesn't exactly look like the overindulging type."

"Hm…and what type does he look like, Touya?"

The clack of plastic buttons continued for a moment, and Touya wrote down the sequence of numbers onto his homework sheet before looking up. "Uh? You mean Yue?"

Yuki nodded, and spooned another bit of sugar into his tea. Though not as ravenous nor exhausted as he had been, it was just a force of delicious habit to add as much THINGS to his meals as he could. "Yeah. I mean, I know about Yue, and I know he's sort of…erm…formal, and uptight…but what's he like, you know? Like…what does he look like?"

…Yue did not consider himself a vain person, but he perked up his attention at this. He knew Clow had made him to be pale and strong and beautiful, but those were inconsequential to Yue. What pleased him when someone remarked on how he looked or carried himself was the pride he had in Clow. Any compliment or description of himself was, afterall, only a remark on his first Master's skill.

Touya snorted, and added another line of numbers to his paper. "Like a priss," he laughed, but Yukito could tell he was only half joking.

"Come on To-Ya…does he look like me? You said we resemble each other…"

But his beloved shook his head. "No…it's not like that. You don't look alike, and you definitely don't act alike, but there's something about the two of you…Even without my sixth sense, I can see it between you two."

"Well I am a part of him, I guess," Yukito mused as he stirred his cup, growing cold. "Like some kind of long lost brothers!"

"More like adopted brothers," Touya chuckled, trying to return to his homework, but Yukito wouldn't drop it.

"Touya, come on…I loose hours and hours of my life here. I just wanna know a little bit about what he's like…"

Touya finally sighed, and closed his calculus book on his pen. "Like I said, he's just…really standoffish. Not cruel or anything, but..prickly."

"So my other self is a cactus?" Yukito laughs.

"Something like that," Touya doesn't disagree. "Not a very big cactus…I'd say he's only a bit taller than you. Hair's taller than he is, trails behind him when he walks, and his clothes do too. And he's really pale. White hair, white clothes, light eyes, giant-ass wings…"

"That alone makes me wish I could remember my time when I'm him," Yukito says wistfully. "To be able to fly like that?"

"You'd also remember kicking Sakura's butt, Yuki," he points out. "I don't think you'd want to remember anything he does. Like I said, he's pretty…cold."

"Hm…still, it's a part of me, Touya. It..IS me, if you want to get technical."

But Touya shakes his head, scooting closer. "No. You're you. You may be a PART of each other, but you're definitely not the same…Yue isn't malicious or cruel, but he doesn't have your sense of humor, or your optimism. He's not half as fun to be around, trust me."

Yukito chuckled and leaned back, letting touya's arms fall around him. It was comforting, being with just him in a quiet but familiar house. This one thrummed with life even while empty, unlike his own. This one had family, it had a boisterous little girl running amok with magic, a caring father…it had Touya. Touya, who was kind, who was protective. Who had sacrificed a blessing to save him, and his other half.

…Touya who was wanting to go upstairs.

"…um…"

"Hm? Something wrong?"

Yukito didn't move from his warm place against Touya, but his face turned a bit distressed. "I just…don't know if it's a good idea right now, you know? Not…not for not wanting to or not trusting you, but..things are different now, don't you think?"

"Yooou mean, we're actually together now? Yeeah, that's kind of why I asked you…"

But Yukito shook his head no. "Not that. You know…with…Yue?"

Touya rolled his eyes back, but seemed relieved, as though worried Yukito's refusing his invitation were a problem between them, and not the erm…third party.

"I mean," Yukito continued, "He's sort of…here, you know? What if he's like…listening? Or watching?"

"We could give him a show," Touya suggested flatly, barely flinching when Yukito's elbow landed in his ribs. He was NOT as strong as his other half, that was sure.

"I'm kidding, kidding…but we don't know that he is," he pointed out calmly. "I mean maybe he can just, like…press stop on the Yuki VCR and go to sleep? I dunno…"

"Well, yeah, but that's what makes me nervous," Yuki confided. "If we don't know…can we really be ok with doing anything? It just doesn't…feel right, Touya. Not because of you or anything, jus-"

Touya leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together. "I understand, Yuki. Don't worry. We'll just have to figure things out, you know? With um…all three of us…ew…"

Yukito's laughter bubbled up, seeing the look on Touya's face.

"And that, To-ya, was my point EXACTLY!"

)o(

Yue spent the evening quietly once his other self and the Mistresses brother had fallen asleep. He changed without disturbing Yukito, as always wanting to gift his other half with a full nights rest. From what he understood Yukito had some sort of important tests coming up to allow him into a nice university if he chose, and Yue gathered that was something terribly important to his other half.

Seemed a little odd to him. This time was so…strange. He had been alive since the 1700's, in an age where apprenticeship was the norm and formal schooling for only the wealthy, yet now it seemed one's entire future could be jeopardized if a quarter of their life wasn't spent in studies.

He picked up Yukito's schoolbooks and looked through them one by one. Calculus…Yue knew arithmetic, and basic mathematics, and geometry, but this variety was foreign to him, as were most of the assigned novels Yukito had to read for Literature. He remembered they were historical novels, classics, yet when he paged through the small, worn paperbacks for the publication year, he saw most of them were scarcely 100 years old.

He raised one eyebrow in measured skepticism. Clow had studied literature in the 1600's as a small child, TRUE classics. Plato, Homer, turn of the century writers from China, Japan, from Buddhism and Christianity and Islam. Fluid poetry from languages all but lost even then, sonnets and shush-sounding prose he would read to his creations in the evenings as an older man. Works Yue himself learned to read from…they didn't sound like these novels at all.

Another textbook promised to teach its reader about those strange information archives called a computer, and another about chemistry.

Yue flipped open the computer book, skimming odd diagrams and deciphering characters he wasn't familiar with. Motems and keyboards and mice…he knew a computer was some electronic machine like a radio or air conditioner, though what mice had to do with it, he wasn't sure.

"Yet another thing I don't understand," Yue pouted for only himself to hear. Not even the smell of these books was right, with glossy, thin pages. He remembered the thick, crackling tomes that filled Clow's library. Of course there were newer books as well, beautifully illustrated fairy stories and French novels from the turn of the last century. Everything from Socrates to early saints, Agrippa and Hugo and Hawthorne…but it wasn't the same.

"Though I suppose it isn't your fault," he mused to the book, "That you're made from cheap paper and cardboard. Perhaps you are an interesting study…"

But to "study" here felt cold and fake.

"School" for Yue and Kerberos had been nothing formal. No brick and mortar universities nor lesson plans. Only their Master. He could almost feel the thick, well worn rug in the library, the blue one usually covered with a muslin to protect it from the fire's soot. He and Kero would sit there with Clow, as he read them lines of poetry, or taught them little shanties or songs from the many places he'd been. Kerberos, of course, seemed to only pick up the bawdy drinking songs from Clow's frequent visitors.

As a human-formed creature, Yue remembered his lessons being more involved. While both learned to read, English and Chinese and Latin and Greek, it was Yue who had to learn to write these letters as well. Kerberos couldn't possibly manage a brush well enough to form any legible writing though, Yue remembered, he often teased the young Moon, as his early attempts at penmanship looked as they he himself were attempting the art with clumsy lion's paws.

As the memory washed through his mind, a heat surged up through his chest, an almost painfully fast boiling that left a singe to his eyes and a deep ache in his throat, which he struggled to swallow. He was glad for his solitude in the house, and for the dark, bruised shadows cast by the faint streetlamp outside. He didn't want even the bare walls to see him flush.

Yue brushed a cool palm over his cheek, and busied the other hand with the books. History, that was something familiar, but threatened him with the same bite; anything written there would either anger him with its sanitized and clinical discussions, or dig deeper into the pit in his chest.

…Psychology seemed interesting, at least. It had been a budding art before he was sealed away, in the West at least. Demons and wicked spirits were still blamed more often than not. There were also a few slimmer books on art history he might look into.

Yue sighed, letting himself fall backwards against the couch in a near huff; hardly dignified. As each night passed he felt more and more enclosed. Yukito lived an optimistic and cheerful life, dealing with his new existence in a remarkably steadfast manner. Touya was starting to adjust to living without the blessings of magical sight, and Mistress was as effervescent as always. Kerberos was too, he was sure, content with a drawer bedroom, electronic games and all the sweets his belly could take. How long had it been since he and Kerberos had spoken? Dinner that night didn't count…he meant alone with him.

Yue tugged at a loose lock of silver hair; it kept coming undone from his tie, too short from his skirmish with that butterfly woman to stay braided nicely. It was convenient to busy his hands.

No…he hadn't seen Kerberos properly since well before Sakura changed the last of the cards, and those few occasions had been strictly business, discussing their mistress, the strange happenings, and Yue's failing strength. He briefly entertained the idea of visiting his older brother tonight, but it was a lunatic's notion. He would be asleep by now; the mistress was young and slept early, as children should. Besides, he and Yue were not exactly on the most genteel of terms right now. Not that they were necessarily fighting or any such thing, they just…perpetually disagreed since the Judgement, about anything not involving Sakura's wellbeing. To simply show up in the middle of the night would have brought joy to Kerberos, he was sure, but would it be a happiness borne from visiting a brother, or from watching hism swallow his pride and break their silent standoff first?

Yue was far too proud, and aware of that bitter pride, to pay calls, even if the idea of an evening with them could have been nice. Even seeing the Mistress was a pleasant enough experience now, even if she could still measure up to Clow.

Each book made a soft clap against the other as he stacked them together, as straight and tidy as when he had found them. Reading was about his only option for amusement or diversion tonight, yet he had no attention for it right now. What he wanted was company, and all his options were barred. Kerberos was too overwhelming right now, he hadn't spoken a word to the Cards since Windy's confrontation with him, and Clo-

There was that seering rise of heat again, welling and clawing at his throat.

Master was dead, Clow was gone. There were so many remnants of him around, and it hardly seemed fair. Eriol had his memories, Sakura's father had his spirit. AN entire clan in China had his books and records and knowledge, but for Yue, there was nothing left but memories too heavy to lift.

He glanced over at the clock, noting it was scarcely even midnight, and sighed heavily. When he was newly created, Yue had been a nocturnal being by nature. While Clow and Kero drowsed not long after the sky darkened to velvet and rose with the sun, Yue had found it difficult to be awake and struggled to function while the sun was up. It was bright, demanding and he simply felt…grouchy, really, with how it forced its way through the house, through every window and every crack, through all but the darkest curtains.

Instead, Yue had spent his first weeks of life preferring to spend his waking hours at night…much to the chagrin of his very sleep-deprived creator.

Yue curled up in the window seat, now becoming a favored spot of his, and remembered how Clow would all but bribe and beg him to sleep like the rest of them. And he did, of course, but only with much difficulty. Yue did not care to think too much on his early temper, for he threw more than his share of tantrums. Even with no one around to see or hear his thoughts, he still defended himself silently. He was young, newborn, and confused. Kerberos had been "born" with instincts at least, whereas Yue had only the vaguest notions of…THINGS. Of how to speak and how to walk, of how to express he was tired or unhappy without screaming like a five year old. Clow use to rub at his eyes and temples tiredly, murmuring something about how he never had been suited to raise children.

Yet that was exactly how Clow referred to them, especially Kerberos and himself. His beloved children, perfectly created, lovingly shaped in his mind with far more active effort than if they had been shaped in a mothers womb. Clow loved them, he taught them, he raised them. He played long hours with them in the gardens or the snow or running through the attics. Yue learned piano and flute from the same hands that taught him spellcasting. In time, of course, they could fulfill their roles of being Guardian, protector, sword and shield for their master. But even then, Clow missed no opportunity to sing half drunken silliness with Kerberos, to sit quietly with them to play chess, to read to them…

As a guardian of Water, or Freeze, Snow and Storm, Yue was really starting to wonder why he was succumbing so deeply to Fire this night.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N. this chapter discusses and deals with the issue of non consent and rape, but no instances actual are present.

)o(

Dinner was done, the dishes cleared away, and two well fed and happy young men were curling on the couch. Yuki had the radio on while he read, his head in Touya's lap as he finished the last of his assignments.

"Working awefully hard for a couple of bums not going to college," Yuki teased at his own expense, and Touya acknowledged him with a scruff to his hair.

"We can both do the online thing," he reminded him. "I mean, if neither of us are leaving for school, we might as well kick each others online asses to study.

"Hey, I never need to be made to do my work," Yuki pointed out sternly, peering up at Touya from between his arms. "You're the one who seems to always have something else to do…and I see that look on your face, Touya!" he scolds with a gentle laugh. "Don't even think of turning that into something else!"

Touya smirked, his attention for history dwindling more and more. "Well, it's true!" he said defensively. "I do usually have something else to do than homework. Or would LIKE something else to do."

Yukito's face flushed again, and he made a vague attempt to note the page he was on before closing his book and setting it down on the coffee table.

"Weee could play cards," he suggested with a snort. "Or checkers! Or there's a horror movie on tonight-"

Whether he knew Touya would choose to hush him up this way or not, Yukito didn't mind the kiss one bit, and returned it sweetly.

What he did know, though, was that Touya was asking for more than sweet exchanges and a stolen brush against one another. Never demanding, never pressuring, but Yukito was not so naiive as to be obvious to what Touya's hands were asking. Nor could he find it in himself to so easily say no tonight. He pulled himself closer, a thrill running down his spine as Touya did the same.

"You don't mind…? Touya asked vaguely, and while for most that would be directed towards the intimacy itself, Yukito knew he was asking about one hang-up in particular.

"I…I know," he murmured against Touya's temple. "But…if I don't remember ever being him, maybe he can block it out…I..I mean, he doesn't act weird around you since we got together, does he? And he DOES know we're together…"

Seemed good enough logic for Touya. They were both beyond the age of frenzied, ill decisions driven by hormones; neither dismissed the fact that another was involved. But right then, it seemed like a distant anxiety, and an unfounded one at that. As Touya drew nearer to continue down along Yuki's throat, he laid his chest nearly flat against his, leading them backwards onto the couch; good a place as any, and Yukito wasn't protesting. Quite the opposite, he may have been laughing nervously at nearly each action, each teasing smile, but he was fine with this, loving, close…

Touya felt Yuki's warmth fully, both pressed right against the other, neither minding the unsure, awkward movements of a first time. To Touya, it felt perfect, as he began to undo each button of Yukito's shirt, closing his eyes to feel the warm skin on his chest. Warm, soft, feathery…

…feathers…?

Touya's eyes snapped open, and he found himself face to face not with his beloved Yukito, but with Yue, wild eyed and flailing. He had just enough time to notice how much paler than usual he looked before a flurry of strong, heavily muscled wings slapped against his side, his face, the back of his head.

"Get OFF of me," he spit with clenched teeth and narrowed eyes, and Touya didn't even have time to obey before Yue's knee collided with the outter bone on his hip.

There was nothing after that but a storm of ruffled white feathers; eyes watering from the stinging in his hip, Touya barely caught sight of a long trail of silk disappearing upstairs, followed by the bathroom door slamming hard enough to rattle the walls downstairs.

Shocked from the sudden dip into frigid waters, Touya stood there half doubled, massaging his hip and cursing. Where the hell did he even COME from?! It couldn't have taken him more than two seconds to change over that time, he didn't even know he could MAKE IT that fast! And he had fucking wonderful timing!

…No. Even through pain-induced hostility Touya knew full well this had nothing to do with an impeccably misplaced transformation. Yue was THERE, the whole fucking time, wasn't he?

Touya limped towards the stairs, trying to work through the ache in his hip, and knowing he was going to have one marvelously purple bruise tomorrow.

"Yue?" he called at the landing, though he knew exactly where he was. "Yue, come on…come out, will you?"

When there was no reply through the door, Touya couldn't really say he was surprised. He had seen Sakura have enough raging tantrums as a child to know that the only thing to directly follow the Storming from the Room was sulking, then yelling…still pissed about his hip, Touya leaned against the doorframe and took a deep, steadying breath.

"Yue…come on, open the door," he urged a little more gently…he tested the knob, but already knew it would be locked.

On the other side of the door, Yue could hear the metal rattling, and bristled. Did this man really have no sense of privacy?! He sniffed, wrapping his shawl around his arm again as he sat on the cold edge of the bathtub and tried to remember how to breathe.

It was suddenly so cold in this house…air conditioning wasn't such a blessing right now, as he shivered even in his layered coat and wrap. He wished he could pull out his wings again, but as always, this house was simply not made to accommodate them. He wanted to wrap himself in a soft, white cocoon to stem out the sound of that knocking.

"Yue? Please?" Touya's muffled voice drifted through, but Yue refused to answer.

He had caught a glance at himself in the mirror as he ran in; only a glimpse, but enough to know he looked as frantic as he felt. His heart echoed through his whole chest, and he doubted right now he even COULD stand to go unlock the door; his legs felt thin and unstable, and his stomach was a snarled mass under his frantic heart. It was often that Yue felt ill; new moon weakness aside, he could be injured, but not fall ill. Clow had rarely succumbed to fevers or flus, but when he had, it was Yue who felt a reflection of those headaches and chills, not unlike how he felt now.

He knew, though, that there was nothing wrong with his mistress. This was entirely a nervous condition…

"Yue, come ON," Touya called. "You can't stay locked in Yuki's bathroom all night and I KNOW you can't fit through that window!"

A sideways look towards the narrow glass proved Touya correct; thin and slight as he was, he wouldn't be able to fit through it. But if Touya didn't think he could stay there till Yukito had to go to school, he was going to be waiting for him for quite a long time.

Touya in the dark hallway was starting to realize he had no idea what to do. One minute he's making out with his boyfriend, and thirty seconds later he's begging an angel-like living antique to stop freaking out in the bathroom. Should he call Sakura? Or Kero? Could they talk to him, or make him turn back into Yukito?

"Yue…come on, come out of there, so we can talk ok? I mean I get you're mad but I don't really know what we did to piss you off."

Touya really didn't expect that to work, to be what finally prompted Yue to get up and move, but the door opened with about as much ferocity as he had slammed it with, the current fluttering his hair lightly.

"You don't know why I am upset," he paragraphed in a low tone, deceivingly calm and conversational.

Touya wasn't too proud to admit he had a healthy…respect for the being before him. His shorter, thinner stature and beautiful clothing hid a strong body, as his left hip remembered not too fondly. But he had never actually thought Yue would hurt him. Not since he'd been tamed at Final Judgment. Yet he seemed to stand there almost coiled, eyes livid…and he still had a strange gray pallor to him, and he shook slightly as he spoke, as though rattled.

"Touya, do you mean to tell me, that you can't possibly imagine why I am not pleased to speak to you?"

Touya felt rather like an elementary school student being chastised by a particularly cruel teacher, the sort who would rather have you admit your transgressions than simply send you to the principal's office.

He looked down at Yue, and tried to not simply shrug. "Well…I mean, I'm guessing you were…hanging around, this evening, then?"

Yue did not perceptibly move at all, but Touya couldn't shake the feeling that he was encroaching closer and closer.

"The fact that you have to ask me that shows you don't even realize how it is I exist, and had no desire to learn," Yue bit coldly, and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Touya thought it was to look a little more rigid, but honestly, he was trying to stop himself from shaking any more violently.

"Touya, of course I was "hanging around" tonight. I'm ALWAYS "hanging around". I can sleep, I can drift out for a while like you do during a dull lecture, but I am always here. I do not have an "off button," as you might say."

Touya felt like an ice cube was slipping around in his stomach as Yue told him this, and he wasn't sure if he was suppose to speak now, or if an attempt would be shushed and scolded over.

"Additionally, just like when you sleep, if anything particularly JARRING or UNPLEASANT happens, I am GOING to wake up. If I was able to so easily put myself away, how could I be of any help to my Mistress?"

The weight of his words sank heavily onto Touya's shoulders, prickling thoughts and possibilities form the back of his mind he had worked hard to convince himself were foundless anxieties.

Yue noted with a smugness he couldn't savor that Touya, ever a sharp young man, was picking up on his explanation effortlessly.

"So you…you're always here," Touya clarified. "You can't just…let Yukito be on his own for a while…"

"I'm no more able to pull myself from this body than you are yours, Touya," he affirmed in a near hiss.

There was a red hue rising in Touya's cheeks, and Yue had to fight to keep the same heat from brushing past his own collar. This was not a conversation he wasn't to be having. The idea of pressing any farther had his hands fidgeting again, and he wanted to run. He had nowhere to go, through, and what good would it have done?"

There was an unpleasant silence that hung between the two, and Touya couldn't help but compare it to the comforting quiet that often lingered between him and Yuki. This wasn't anywhere near as enjoyable a lapse of conversation.

Finally, barely able to look at Yue, Touya ventured, "So…Yukito and I, tonight…you knew…?"

Yue pressed his lips together, feeling his stomach slither in on itself once more. Whatever expression his face read, Touya seemed to take it as a yes.

"…a..alright. Yeah. I guess that makes sense but…I mean there has to be something you can do, right?"

Yue furrowed his brows together, appraising Touya briefly. "What do you mean, something I can do?"

"You know," Touya said, trying to find decent words, trying to assemble the scramble in his brain. There were words strung all throughout, stuck in a tar pit of guilt, peevishness and awkward social situations he couldn't escape. "To…distance yourself any. I mean, I understand you need to be alert, in case something happens, you know I want you to be able to be here if you need to…or want to," he also said, extending a vague invitation Yue seemed to ignore, "But uh…don't you think it's sort of…not fair to Yuki? That he doesn't get any privacy?"

If Touya found Yue to be somewhat frightening two minutes ago, he was terrifying right now. His whole body tensed and bristled, and he retreated away from Touya as though he had tried to strike him.

"Not fair to Yukito?" Yue repeated with raised eyebrows. "You think this situation is unfair to Yukito? Because he doesn't get any privacy? Well what about me, Touya!"

There was no questioning in his voice, only disgust, and it was Touya's turn to feel a need to take a step back, to put more space between them, but Yue's presence seemed to follow and envelope him easily.

"Touya, do you want to know what is unfair about this situation? I was my own person once," he shouted towards him. "I was born in a different manner than you. I was self aware and in control of my own body from the moment of my own creation. I was free to move and do as I pleased, and then do you realize what happened? I was sealed away into a book, not to awake again until I was trapped within another's existence and my body no longer was my own!"

"Yue…you need to calm down, I'm sorry," Touya tried to soothe, refusing to back away anymore to the wall. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that!"

"You mean you didn't THINK," Yue snit at him. His pallid complexion was now growing red and blotched form his anger, and Touya almost swore he was starting to cry; this was certainly more emotion than he had ever seen him show before. "You don't THINK of me, Touya! It was YUKITO that you wanted to save by transferring your powers. *I* was the one who was ailing, but all you were worried about was Yukito!"

"THAT isn't fair," Touya's voice rose to challenge Yue's bellowing. "I hadn't even met you, I didn't even know you were a separate person-"

"My OWN person, Touya!" Yue screamed even louder. He was emphatic, gesturing and freaking out so violently his clothing was going askew…and Touya was right. His eyes were beginning to well, and Touya was really regretting having even tried to approach him. If he'd have known Yue was going to react like this…!

Yue was livid, his bangs beginning to stick to his face; from sweat, or tears, he didn't know, and he was sure he looked a mess, but he didn't care. If Touya was going to feign this ignorance, after what he and Yukito had talked about…

"Yukito told you he didn't know if I was there, Touya, yet the two of you didn't seem to care! You ASSUMED I would just slip away to do what you pleased, but you were WRONG! I was THERE, damn it, praying that you were going to stop, that you would remember I was there, that you hadn't ONE SHRED OF PROOF that I wasn't-"

"You make it sound like we were doing something wrong," Touya tosses back, his own temper quickly failing him. "If you're there, you know Yukito and I are together, and how much we love each other. I don't think you have a right to say we can't be!"

Yue's color bled away as the water from his eyes began to flow, and he seemed unsure of wether or not he wanted to get right in Touya's face, or slam the door in it.

"I have every right to decide what will or will not be done to me!" Yue's voice was cold, low, but harsh, even as it trembled. "You look at Yuki and you look at me and you see two different people, two separate beings BUT WE ARE NOT. We belong in the same body, MY body, and you have no right to touch me. I FELT YOU, Touya, I felt you touching me. Perhaps times haven't changed as much as I thought it had, but from what I assumed about this era, forcing yourself on another is not an acceptable way to show your love for someone."

And he had perfectly backed Touya into an inescapable corner. If he defended that it was Yukito he loved, whom he was trying to share that with, it simply proved that Yue fit nowhere into his equation, not even room for his own respect.

Finally, for the first time that night, Yue felt as though he were in control. He had balked once he knew what Yukito and Touya were doing, and when neither of them thought to stop, when they acted in doubt and didn't give him a second thought.

"You, Touya Kinomoto, are not my Master nor Creator. You have no say over me."

"…Yue, I'm not trying to have SAY over you or force you into anything…but I love Yukito, and you know that! We just wanted to…I didn't realize how closely you…!"

Yue, though almost a head shorter, seemed to glower down at Touya.

"Yukito is his own personality, but his body is MY OWN…Touya, I gave myself to Clow, a man more powerful than a God, who made me, shaped me. So what makes you think I will so willingly give myself to YOU?"

He brought his wings out again in a flourish, each feather bristled and out of place, and he all but shoved Touya against the wall as he stormed down the stairs and out the front door.

)o(


	5. Chapter 5

He didn't direct his wings to take him to the Mistresses house, yet he knew that's exactly where he would end up. Which seemed counterproductive as anything, since Touya would be back here before too long. However, he hoped if he had the desire to go hunting for hi…for Yukito, he would look first at the shrine and the wooded areas of the park before he thought to look at his own home.

Yue landed soundlessly, light footed, outside the angled sun-window of Sakura's room, glancing quickly to make sure she was dignified and sleeping before using the smallest burst of magic to undo the lock on the inside. Whether it was the spark of magic, the noise from the old latch, or just his innate ability to sense the Moon, Kero was immediately out of his little drawer bedroom, wide awake and ready to defend his friend and mistress if needed.

"You don't look very intimidating wearing a purple night-cap," Yue pointed out dully, which was the most of a greeting he felt like offering his twin.

…"Yue?" Kero asked, floating up a little higher and rubbing the last dust of sleep from his eyes. "Hey, whaadder ya doing here so late? Somethin' wrong?"

…Terrible, Yue thought to himself, as he tried to arrange his expression to his usual cool mask. "I am fine," he assured Kero quietly, and looked sideways to where their young mistress was dreaming.

"Ah, don't worry about her," Kero assured Yue, easily reading his concern. "It takes 4 snooze alarms and me resetting the thing again to get her up in the morning. Nothing short of a tsunami is gonna wake her up at this time'a night! Right Sakura?" Kero finished his ramble with a near shout, enough to make Yue bristle, yet Sakura did nothing but snort once and turn over. "See? Like a log," he added sagely.

"I see she's picked up your bad habits," Yue said calmly, remembering the laborious chore it was to wake Kerberos up for anything other than a meal.

"Oh ho, don't you start on that," Kero denied, his tiny paws crossed as he shook his head. "YOU were the one who could sleep till 2 in the afternoon if Clow let you."

"My nature predisposes me to being wakeful at night," Yue defended in a cool, clipped tone. "You, however, only had the excuse of laziness and an overindulged belly."

…"Good to see ya here, Yue."

Yue wouldn't return the sentiment, but bowed his head respectfully to show he didn't adamantly disagree.

"And uhh…" Kero ventured, drawing closer, "Not that this isn't a nice surprise and all but…the heck are ya doing here?"

God he didn't even know. It was simply…somewhere to be, somewhere Touya was not, to be among people that did not belong to Yukito…he could feel Kero studying his face. It had been a long time since they had spent any significant time together without a pressing distraction…or without Kerberos trying to cover him in a pound-sack of flour…but Yue was not convinced Kerberos had lost his touch.

"What happened to you? Yer wings look like you went to bed with them wet. You know ya shouldn't do that, Yue. You'll molt."

Yue gave another small nod of thanks for the obviously concerned advice, and ruffled his wings in an attempt to make the feathers lay nicely.

"…so what's wrong, Yue," Kero finally wanting to know. His thin, pom pom tail swished from side to side anxiously. "Last time you looked like this was when that dimensional witch stayed with us for a week on her way to Tokyo. You had bald patches on your wings, remember?"

"Hm," he voiced vaguely, glancing still at Sakura, as though worried even in sleep she would be listening. "I just…needed some time outside," Yue offered vaguely.

"Instead being cooped inside Yukito? I don't' blame ya," Kero shook his head sympathetically. "I get so cooped up sometimes staying like this! It's so tiny, and it's so not the same as being able to stretch my wings and RAAAWR!"

….well, Kero was right about nothing being able to wake their Mistress. And though Yue was almost offended by his comparing their situations, he let this slight go. Kerberos was bold and overwhelming, but he rarely meant true harm. And Yue was feeling unusually generous. Towards anyone but Touya and Yukito at least.

Yue was silent as he opened the window again, and climbed out onto the room, settling into a beveled eave away from the prying eyes of nosey neighbors. Kerberos followed without even being asked, and immediately seized the opportunity to take his true form.

"Yeeeeeahaaaaaah!" he roared a great yawn, stretching his golden wings to their full length, giving each feather a shake, and folding them in neatly as he laid beside Yue.

"You don't come around much," he observed unnecessarily. He was obviously speaking of Yue directly, as Yukito treated the Kinomoto household as a second home. Yue felt a rush of gratitude towards even that small allowance. Anything to feel like…his own again.

"With Yukito still in his studies, there isn't much spare time till late at night to take my true form," Yue reminded him dully. He had dismissed his own silver wings to lie back against the heavily slanted roof more comfortably. "And I doubt you want a midnight visitor five times a week."

…"That how often you think about comin' over but don't?" Kero wanted to know, and Yue only sighed.

"It's how often I wished I had somewhere I could be besides Yukito's living room, trying to keep myself amused with the same selection of books and very little else," he finally groused, but already he was finding it hard to hold onto his bitterness. Not that it wasn't there, surely, and bubbleing, but for the time he seemed able to somehow exist apart from it. He felt he could breathe right now, with the full moon washing over the both of them.

"Hm…we use to spend most summer evenings like this," Kerberos murmured into the quiet semi-dark. "D'you remember?"

"Of course," Yue breathed. "We would have slept up on the roof had Clow let us."

Kero nodded emphatically. "He shoulda! Our rooms were too hot to sleep in!"

"Even more so when we had to share," Yue chimed in bitterly. Though Master often lived in grand, sprawling and secluded estates to hide both his private life and his magical whims, there were several occasions, especially between homes, when their accommodations would have but two bedrooms. Kerberos snored terribly and kicked in his sleep, while Yue turned and tossed and always found his hair unbound by morning, drowning the pair in pale strands. Neither ended up well rested nor happy, meaning, neither did Clow.

"He would have," Kero began with a wide, teasing grin, "at least, he would have let meee, but he didn't want his sweet wittle lark to fall off again like you did back in Hong Kong!"

Yue shot his sibling a reproachful glare, purple eyes glinting a particularly blade-like shade of silver from the moonlight.

"And you never had a mishap learning to fly?"

"Not a three-story screaming mishap that ended in you practically breaking Clow's arms."

…It should have been a comforting routine, this battmitton game of scathing words and insults only meant half-serious, had it been anything more than that. A routine. A familiar pattern of jab, shield, return, with both trying to pretend they didn't notice he forced friction of each turn. Yue's heart was elsewhere, as far away as his attention, and Kerberos was trying far too hard to compensate to actually conjure up new material. His best one-liners were too easy since his brother reappeared; it had hardly been a joke to point out his foul mood and cynicism at the Judgment, nor how unpleasant to be around Yue was upon waking.

And no, joking about Yue having issues was hardly a joking matter either.

In lieu of any especially cutting remarks to make regarding Yue's effeminate face nor character flaws nor record-breaking obsessive fits, Kero instead rested his head against Yue's knee, soft fur making hardly any noise against white silk.

"You know, I can tell something's bothering you," the Sun in a low, almost growling purr; Yue could feel his deep voice reverberating through the tiles, through his leg. "And I don't' know if it's the usual something or an offshoot of the usual something or a whole new something…and I also know getting you to cough up any gossip or ammo is gonna be too much work for the rewards-" he punctuated his dismissive rant with an exaggeratedly wide, tongue-lolling yawn- "but if you just happen to get bored enough to wanna gift your big brother with a long chat, I'd listen. Bringing cakes would help too. Whining is almost best done over cakes."

Yue weighed Kerberos's words carefully, measuring them through their sarcasm to sift to the true invitation underneath.

"Hm. And I suppose you would prefer those cakes to be home-made."

"Of course! I know you'd only give me the best!"

"And you say that with the confidence of one who has managed to forget how often their younger brother exacted revenge through chillies and sharp spices." Yue said with a strong note of warning to his lilting voice.

Kero's previously domestic memories of begging Yue for scraps from the mince pies or dumplings or hot rolls crumbled away, revealing painful memories of imported peppers slipped into his noodles. He pawed instinctively at his tongue, as though expecting a little orange slice of hellfire to magically appear to torment his mouth, and shuddered.

Yue had never been the sort to seek out a brash, violent vengeance for Kerberos's many slights. Tying his hair during their games was only the top trick in the bag; dunks into muddy ponds, doodling over his calligraphy practice, leaving paints and pastes on the floor for the hem of his robes and hair to trail through…Clow always warned Kero about this. He would sit Yue down tenderly, to brush sap or drying paint from his hair, or when he was younger, hold him to stop his startled whimpers.

"He's going to get you back. He always does, Kero, and you will have no one but yourself to complain to when you're up all night with indigestion." Even so, he took little heed of Clow's warnings, and most of the great lion's amusement in those days had been concocting more and more elaborate ways to force Yue into throwing a shrill, screaming tantrum.

Kero did little to hide his guffawing burst of laughter, letting it spill past his clenched fangs. 'This, Kerberos,' Clow would say soberly from a safe distance as he watched his youngest creation slam through the kitchen in a mood swing, 'is why I made Yue to be the feminine aspect…'

His chest still shaking with his private giggle-fit, Kero turned to look at Yue, wanting to share this nice bite of nostalgia with him, hoping to see at least a wisp of a small across his pale face, but Yue seemed to have already removed himself from the conversation. He looked so far away… Looking not at the moon, nor the stars, nor any of the rooftops within view, Kero had to wonder silently what it was Yue was seeing…

Or perhaps they were indeed sharing in the same recollection, and his brother could find nothing in it to smile about.

)o(


	6. Chapter 6

Yue made sure that Yukito was home before school the next day, and even had the decency to return him directly to his bed, even though it meant the very real possibility of having to face Touya again. He had no fear of the boy at all. Rage and fear and panic had driven his reaction the previous evening, and while he still felt perfectly vindicated in his actions, he knew very clearly that Touya would have respected a simple explanation that yes, he was present, and always would be. Touya was a reasonable person; brash, yes, but by no means cruel or even mean.

But Yue hadn't felt like being reasonable, or like calmly explaining things. He felt there really shouldn't have been a need to explain it at all. No, it wasn't an angry Touya he wanted to avoid, simply the most awkward and uncomfortable confrontation he could imagine. He had made a (completely justified) scene, had shown the most undignified aspect of himself, and…he simply did not want to have to be around Touya presently. Not remembering the moments just before he'd put Yukito to sleep…

He told himself he was shuddering from the pre-dawn chill in the air as he silently eased open the door to Yukito's house, lost his nerve, and decided to simply let Yukito wake up on the couch.

)o(

Touya hadn't heard Yue come home last night, but found the evidence the following morning in the form of a very cozy looking Yuki camping on the couch under a throw blanket. At least he got him home in one piece…he had tried to follow him, find where he would have gone off to, but after only a few blocks he'd resigned himself to the knowledge that even an emotionally distressed Yue would be a smart Yue and not do anything to endanger the two of them.

…Still, for a moment, after he was done letting releife wash through him, Touya wasn't sure if he was glad, or disappointed that it was not Yue who met him this morning. He was never disappointed to see his Yuki, of course, and he was in no hurry to have his head bitten off again, but he just wanted to…apologize? Definitely. Talk? He wasn't sure. He was never sure how to act around Yue. Or rather, how to act WITH Yue. He'd sacrificed a very precious gift to save him, and he chanced his own wellbeing for his little sisters wellbeing. He was centuries old and radiated a sense of arrogant wisdom, yet barely stood to his jaw and looked no older than 19 or 20, barley older than Yukito and himself. He looked at him, and wanted to ask a thousand questions, from what it's like to fly, where he's lived, what that Clow guy was like, to how he managed stairs without falling over his hair.

It would seem, though, that he should have been focusing on asking far more relevant questions like Hey, where are you when Yuki and I are making out?

He tried to shake those lingering insecurities from his mind, to be picked up and sorted through later, and went to shake Yukito awake.

"Hey. Come on Yuki, we got an hour before school and you'll spend most of that time eating, get up."

From the couch came a small shuffling, accompanied by the protests of one who was especially warm and comfortable in their sleep.

Crossing the room, he called again, "Come on, Yuki. Geddup. What, you up all night partying with Yue?"

Whatever retort Yukito's half asleep brain could form was drown out in a sea of pillow, couch cushion and blanket.

Touya snorted and laid a heavy hand on his shoulder, rocking him back and forth. "You've missed too much school," he prodded gently, "And we have two tests today. Let's get up, make something good to eat."

Finally Yukito emerged from his cocoon with a long stretch.

"Mornin sunshine," Touya smirked, trying to brush down Yukito's morning cowlick.

Yukito scrubbed blearily at his eyes, feeling so…out of sorts. He hadn't woken up once during the night, not even for a snack, and felt wonderfully rested, yet completely disoriented. It was, for better or worse, a familiar and explainable feeling by now…he'd been Yue sometime before, or Yue had been here, or however it was technically explained, yet he must have had a long stay. What was he even doing whe-

Oh.

OH.

Suddenly feeling very alert, Yuki looked over to Touya, then down at his shirt, still, ah…half unbuttoned, where they'd left it when…

"Did um…Yue feel left out?" He tried to open with the more comedic and far less likely option, but Touya didn't seem to be too jovial about the situation. Just looking at his hard-drawn mouth, Yuki knew…something…had not gone well after he was sent to sleep last night.

"Not…not exactly, no. Let's just say, ah…I'd better spend another few nights on the hide-a-bed if I stay over."

"O…oh," Yukito murmured, and couldn't think of much more to say. He tried to busy himself by polishing his glasses on his still half-off shirt and ignore the heavy awkwardness hanging between the two of them.

Finally Touya broke through the rising wall, kisses his Yukito softly on the cheek, and told him to hurry and get ready, he'd make breakfast.

Yukito smiled gratefully, and went upstairs for a shower, trying to not think too much on what could have happened last night versus what actually happened. He'd been ready, he'd been finally willing to give up this part of himself, yet all he got was a really deep sleep and the lingering bitterness of disappointment. He finished unbuttoning his shirt and tossed it into the laundry hamper, thinking about what Touya said about not even sleeping by each other. Why would he say that? Was Yue opposed to their relationship? That didn't make sense…from what little Touya has said about him, he KNEW Yue knew about his love for Touya. If he didn't want them together, why didn't he say so before? It's not like he hasn't had opportunity.

For a split second Yukito entertained the possibility that Yue was jealous, but that notion was far too queer, and it seemed more likely that Yue's primary drive was some form of bitterness, not envy.

As he adjusted the taps for the shower and grabbed a washcloth from a drawer, Yukito paused long enough to appraise himself in the mirror. Short mousey hair, amber brown eyes, usually turned up with a smile…he knew his own features, yet right now, looking at his reflection, it felt so…fake. He looked harder, trying to imagine himself as what he truly was. Tried to picture his hair grown out far past the mirror's view, tried to imagine smaller eyes with a silver sheen over them,. He stood a little taller, struggled to imagine his face a few years older, but it was too difficult. All he could see was himself. Or what he'd always thought was himself…

He finally sighed deeply, and hoped the spray from the shower could slough off this newest onslaught of insecurities.

)o(

Yue took his true form every night the following week, transforming the moment Yukito was asleep. Thankfully, Touya had been spending nights in his OWN home, making it far easier for Yue to slink outside.

He'd also taken up the habit of visiting Kerberos every night.

Their visits we hardly a deep bonding; mostly Yue sat or laid out on the roof next to his elder brother, and listened to him rant on at length about video games he'd recently beaten or the desserts Sakura had brought him that day.

"But they're not as good as the cakes you still haven't brought me would be," he finally grumped one evening, his whine surely shrill enough to carry through the block.

"And how would you even know," Yue sighed, the most he had even said that night. "You do not taste your food, you inhale it."

"Not true!" the great lion roared with indignation. "I may have a healthy appetite but I know good food when I have it! And you promised you would bring me cakes!"

"No," Yue's cool alto voice played contrast to Kero's deep screeching. "You said I would make you cakes. I never agreed."

Kerberos crossed his paws in a huff, raising his great furry brow in Yue's direction. "You probably don't even remember HOW. You've been a great lazy thing for all these years!"

Yue liked to fancy himself as being hard to rile, but truth was he has a decently low point of annoyance, and no one had ever been able to switch that over in him than Kerberos, and Kero knew that too. He saw how Yue's eyes narrowed a fraction as his shoulders squared.

"Must be eeeasy," he continued to press on, "To be able to just nap through your day! I mean here I am, with Sakura aaall the time, offering her guidance and teaching her-"

"You fell asleep and let the Cards escape in the first place," Yue pointed out coldly.

Kero didn't deny it, but neither did he take responsibility. "And yet you get to hang out and let Mr. Yuki do everything. Probably couldn't even work the stove!"

"I'm not ALWAYS asleep within Yukito, Kerberos. Turning an oven dial is hardly as difficult as tending an open flame or that DAMNED range," he spat, and Kero knew exactly what made him so bitter. The little range oven they had down in the kitchen of their little London terrace house could elicit more screams of frustration and curses from Yue than anything else in their lives. At least 3 times a week Kerberos could hear demonic screeching from the lower level of their home; whether it was the malfunctioning appliance or Yue making the noise, Kero couldn't be sure, but the clang-bang of abused metal afterwords was definitely the two of them in collaboration. Twice he'd caught his clothes on fire, both from accidently closing them in the door to the oven, and once the things boiler nearly blew up, and Yue had barly made it out of the kitchen before beign scalded. This continued for the better part of six months till One particularly violent dinner where Yue emerged from the kitchen covered in soot and turmeric and simply told Clow they wouldn't need to be worrying about the beastly thing anymore.

Kero chuckled, satisfied with the memory of how long it took to wash the cinders from Yue's hair, and whisked his tail to and fro pleasantly. "I Dunno. I mean, it's not like you have much else to dooo, so why else do you refuse but to deny me my one true pleasure in life?"

…which is how Yue found himself in his Mistresses kitchen at 1 am, with Kero, small and plush, now zooming about the kitchen in unrestrained joy.

"Cakes! Yue's making me caaakes," he chirped excitedly. "I knew you loved me!"

Yue said nothing to affirm that supposed affection, and instead busied himself with adding another tie to his already heavily bound hair, swooping it to the nape of his neck. He'd also used a simple switching spell to change his clothes, which he had to admit, was a welcome sensation from his usual formal attire. A long, deep blue tunic and loose white pants were what he had been what he was more use to; with Clow, he'd only worn his long coat and shawl for show, to impress a visiting sorcerer, or before any large attempt at magic on Clow's part…should have tipped him off that winter afternoon…

"Ya look good," Kero quipped, floating near his shoulder, no doubt trying to flatter and waiting to steal a bite of sugar. "Y'oughta put some more color about'yer self though. Blue makes you look so…you."

Again, Yue chose to simply concentrate on his work, which involved trying to sort out so many packages of ingredients he just didn't recognize. Cocoa, sugar, flour, eggs, butter…what even WAS "margarine?" When did even something as simple as cooking become so complicated?

Kero fluttered himself down to sit on a breadbox, obviously intent on talking the entire time his brother cooked.

"So how ya been anyway?" He pressed on, and Yue almost thought he had a note of true concern in his voice.

"You see me every evening now, Kerberos, and often enough before that."

"Hm. Often enough. When we USE to live in the same house and see each other all day every day."

"And we often tried to kill one another from it," Yue pointed out as he hunted down a whisk.

"Not LITERALLY," Kero tossed back. "Clow always pulled us apart if we got too up in each others faces, you know that." Kero pretended not to see the flicker of tension the crossed Yue's face as he mentioned Clow's name. "Besides, you gotta be bored, being cooped up in the back of Yukito's brain all day."

Yue scoffed as he whirled the eggs into a light, yellow froth, and threw in a pat of butter without needing to measure it out. "So thirty minutes ago I was lazy, now I'm simply pitifully bored?"

"Exactly." Kerberos nodded solemnly. "And you get cranky when you're bored. Well, crankier than usual."

Yue didn't know how to respond to his brothers ranting. They had long ago fell out of the practice of banter, tease, and affection, and while Kerberos seemed content to continue psychoanalyzing Yue, the latter was simply trying to loose himself in a much more familiar routine. Flour, sifted finely, just enough sugar. Cocoa, careful not to spill the fine, almost sticky powder all over a kitchen that was not his. Cooking had been his primary domestic skill, but baking was a close cousin, one he ventured would be far less stressful without an open flame to tend.

Finally the house settled back into a relative peace, Kero sneaking paw-fulls of frothy cocoa batter and Yue pretending not to notice the first time, then threatening him harshly the second. However, once the pan was in the oven, there was little more for Yue to do to distract his mind. He was the clean as he went sort, and as he had no need to measure or weigh ingredients, there were very few dishes to scrub clean, and he found himself looking around the room for anything else to busy his hands with.

Kero fluttered nearby, always just as Yue's shoulder, or up near his head, taking slight care to keep his pom-pom tale from swishing too much.

"Ya know uh, I don't think those tea towels are gonna get any straighter," he pointed out. "Sakura's dad is a really good housekeeper, and Touya and Sakura help out a lot. It's not like back home."

'Nothing here is like home,' Yue felt like snapping, and ordinarily would have, but somehow he couldn't conjure the expendable energy to be on such a short temper with Kero tonight.

"You mean I don't have two perpetual stag-minded slobs to follow constantly with a litterl bin and vinegar?" he offered instead, folding his arms primly before his chest.

"Nope!" Kero chuckled merrily. "Just me!"

…the stillness between the two was suddenly as profound as if Silent herself had joined them from the Deck, and Kerberos's tail drooped considerably, along with his fluttering height.

"I uh…I meant, you know, I'm the only slob left in the house. Cause, Sakura's family is pretty neat, ya know, um…I didn't mean it like…"

"I know exactly what you meant to say," Yue willed his voice from his throat, and Kero could see his arms draw closer to his body, as though trying to hold himself. AS thought trying to keep inside something he was too afraid to release. Still clutching his middle, Yue turned back towards the kitchen, letting himself go long enough to again straighten the drying rag tied over a drawer loops, and peek into the oven; old habits of needing to check the flame. "I think once the timer goes off, I'll be heading ho-"

"I miss him too, Yue."

The oven door shut with a resounding CLANG! Causing the older Guardian to startle and fall three feet.

"I mean that Yue!" he restated forcefully, his short patience beginning to flare; one trait he and his sibling shared, though displayed in different ways. "Ya know? I mean, you come here every night now and we sit on the roof and talk about nothing but my video games and what I had to eat and what Sakura's been up to, but both of us know that's not what we really want to talk about."

"From what I recall food was ALWAYS one of your favorite subjects."

"Damn it Yue, stop being an evasive little ice queen!" Kerberos scolded sharply, in the sort of tone only an older sibling could snarl with. Gathering his beastly confidence, and his patience rope fraying ever further, Kero floated quickly across the kitchen to stand himself mid-air at eye level with Yue, beady little black marbles just daring Yue's silvery gaze to try and turn away, but Yue was nothing if not prideful. He refused to look away, even as Kero saw waves of apprehension follow his haughtiness.

Puffing himself up as though wanting to exude all his usual plumage through his borrowed, tiny form, he continued, "I'm not completely oblivious, Yue, and I'm not as flippant or soft as you want to tell yourself I am these days. I know you better than anyone else. Sakura's still little, she assumes you're just always this cold, and yeah, you've been prissy and bitchy and cynical since the day you were born, but you use to SMILE ya know. My memory may be rusty, but I'd never forget that. I…you're not the only one that hurts, Yue. Difference is, I'm dealing with it, and you're not."

Yue's gaze was sharp, cold, but lacking distinctly his usual steel. His entire face as wavering, a tic at his temple and a quiver around his jaw. In another life, Kero would have stopped teasing and bullying at this point, but this wasn't a pout over an older brother having the upper hand, and Yue could just suck it up and keep listening.

Or surprise Kero by actually finding his voice.

"You….you had a chance to deal with it, Kerberos. I had none."

Kero didn't back down his defensive hovering, but did concede Yue the quiet between them. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Yue drew himself up to match his twin's posture, squaring his shoulders but entirely on guard. "You were put on the front cover to guard the Book, Kerberos," Yue began. "And where was I?"

Kero wasn't sure he was ready to let Yue work himself up into a drama…back before, this woulda been where he'd cover his ears with a dramatic whine, but right now? If this was the only way to get Yue to speak, fine.

"You were sealed along with us, on the back cover," Kero answered with hesitancy.

"And I was asleep," Yue finished. "Clow sent me to sleep, along with the Deck, while you were posted as sentry to keep the book locked."

"Well…yeah? So?"

"SO?" Yue shot back, becoming quickly vexed. "Kerberos, our memories may have been changed, and what we held as truth may not have been real, but we've lived our lives since Clow's death assuming those last days were true! Clow falling sick, not letting us fetch a doctor for him, telling us goodbye…his last spell had us sealed into the book on his desk just minutes after his heart stopped."

Kero shuddered, his paper thin wings twitching unpleasantly. True or not, Yue was right. It was still what they remembered, like a sadistically realistic movie they couldn't untangle from their actual lives. Clow as they had remembered him as he lay dying couldn't get himself out of bed. He remembered Yue whispering about pneumonia or some winter ague, and how there was so little they could do for him…it only took a day, but they spent every moment by him, never actually thinking he would die, even…even when he took them both to him, to tell them so. That he was dying, that he loved them both. That he would make sure they were both looked after and taken care of…but more clearly than anything that blistering cold December morning, Kero remembered the quiet, the ragged effort of Clow's breathing, the faint wind outside and, finally, the nauseating, glass-shaking screaming Yue began the moment Clow's life flickered from his body. Kerberos "remembered" feeling it as well, like ice water swilling around his chest as his Master's active magic passed, as he left them, but…but Yue had a deeper, physical connection to the magician. He knew, from how Yue screamed, that he had felt the very moment of Clow's death like a true agony.

"But…Yue, we know that's not what happened now," Kero tried to keep his voice steady, for his brothers sake, as well as his own.

Yue tipped his head to one side. "We didn't know that until recently. We thought that's what happened, Kerberos. That was the very last thing I remember before waking up 3 years ago in a little Japanese house, with shorn hair and brown eyes and no control over my body."

Kero listened, his gaze slowly dropping from Yue's face as he spoke. "The whole time, Yue? You were asleep?"

He nodded, and Kero could see his arms were again wrapped around his middle as though trying not to shake. "The last thing I "remembered" was a clawing pain in my chest, and feeling like I'd fallen through the top of a frozen pond. Then everything was black, until three years ago. Even then, until the Judgment everything is…vague. Dreamlike. I knew what was going on but I couldn't think on it at all. I didn't get to stay awake like you did, Kerberos. I had no time to…to contemplate what happened. When I fell asleep, I had you, I was still at Clow's side-"

"-And when you woke up you were alone."

A tremor ran through Yue's body, rattling his spine, too harshly to hide from Kerberos. "I woke up alone, in a life I only vaguely knew was created for me, and I've had less than a year to actually "be awake" as myself. Out of that year, how many hours have I been able to be in my OWN body AND, from those, how many have been at leisure or rest to be alone with my own thoughts?"

Kero didn't need to him to continue; he'd understood exactly what Yue meant. As firstborn, as Sun, as guardian beast, Kerberos had laid awake for years on the books cover, keeping watch over the slumbering deck, of his younger brother on the back of the book…he had fallen asleep, yes, but he'd had such a choice, more or less. He'd…he'd had time to think and reflect and FEEL, to get use to the idea of a new master, and the passing of his first. He'd been allowed time to mourn, something Yue didn't seem to have even properly begun yet. Another aspect of their nature Kerberos found…difficult, at times, to defend.

He looked up again, at Yue, who seemed to be pulling further and further in on himself, physically displaying the emotional skills he'd perfected long ago. With his shoulders hunched up to compliment a bending spine and his arms wrapping tighter and tighter around himself, he indeed looked so much smaller than he was. Was that how he felt right now? Small, something to overlook?

Foregoing Yue's dislike for invasions of personal space, Kero gave his wings a small flicker and closed to gap between them, to stand on his brothers tensely gripped arms and lean against his chest.

"Yue…ya know, I still mean it. I do miss him. A lot. Just cause I had time to deal with it doesn't mean I don't think about him too. He made me and loved me same as he did you." Yue gave the smallest nod, looking pointedly away from the fluffy yellow creature and instead at a cracked floor tile. "And I know it's different for you. The way you were created, you've always been different from me, but…just cause of that, doesn't mean I loved him any less than you did, or miss him any less."

Yue clamped his teeth together, instantly wanting to lash out at Kerberos defensively. Had his wings been present, each feather would be standing on end as indignity flooded. Kerberos couldn't possibly begin to understand the nature of the Moon. Yue was created to serve, to love, and to all but worship the man who made him. Moonlight was like that. It took the tiny blessing of anothers un-needed light and made for it in return a veil of beauty, guidance and quiet adornment. Even knowing his last memories of Clow were all a lie, he still felt Clow's absence like a dagger, like something stabbed and scraped away from his insides, leaving him hollow and waiting. Kerberos had always felt the pulse of Clow's magic, just as he did Sakura's, but he felt it like waves washing up on a shoreline. Calm, welcome, something he could escape when the tides raged or storms chopped the ocean into foaming breaks.

Yue felt their Maker like his own blood, thrumming through his heart and veins and skin, and no physical nor magical action could sever that bond. Save, death. And while Sakura's magic, strong as Clow's, ran through him, it was not Clow's. Kerberos would never feel it as deeply as he did, and to suggest such a thing-!

Yet even as the emotions struck, he knew they were borne from grief he was unable to touch. In their entire lives together, Yue had never once been lofty enough to assume such a disgusting thought, that Kerberos did not love their master as perfectly and deeply as he did. They were twins, afterall, even if a year separated their births, and they shared a connection of their own. Yue knew that, even if the love they each had for Clow had a different feeling or name or impact on their souls, his was no less true or deep than Yue's.

Shame flooded through him next, as the sudden jolt of wounded pride and anger left. No…Kerberos loved Clow every bit as much as he did, and had undoubtedly mourned him as well- a pang went through his chest, as he thought of his brother, the only member of their large family awake, to feel that pain alone as they all slept, free for now form the suffering. Perhaps if they had both been awake, they could have faced the loss together…

"…I know, Kerberos," Yue whispered. He still couldn't look at his small brother, but he nodded once as his eyes slid closed. "I know you miss him. But I…I can't face it yet. And with Yukito needing so much time, and with the whole situation with Touya…"

"What's going on with him?" Kero asked with kind interest, seeming glad, perhaps, at the chance of a less painful topic, something Yue might be more open to griping about, if Touya was annoying him somehow. It was also a…something Kero could actually help make better and fix, if that was the case.

But if the color rushing from Yue's face was any indication, whatever it was bothering him with Sakura's brother wasn't going to be any easier to deal with.

They were saved from having to tactfully ignore another sore topic by a sudden high pitched wailing, some piercing siren sort of noise that filled the house.

"What in God's name is that?!" Yue bellowed, clasping his hands to his ears fast enough to drop his unsuspecting brother.

Kero was brought back to the present not only by the wailing, but a sudden acrid scent reaching his nose. "Awwwwh no, it's the smoke alarm!" he cried out. "What temperature did ya set the oven to?!"

"I don't know…! I barely remember Fahrenheit and Celsius singularly, let alone trying to remember which is which and for what!" he hollered over the waves of noise, instantly defensive.

Kero fluttered up to the round monitor to find its buttons, while Yue hurried back to the oven to crank the dial down, open up the oven and…indeed, he had a soupy runny mess in the middle, surrounded by black charred cake. He groaned deeply, pride wounded about as much as his ears, and wondered how he was ever going to salvage Mr. Kinomoto's nice pan (and hide his failure and pretend it hadn't happened).

"What on earth is going on down here? Sakura? Are you alright?"

Yue and Kerberos both froze, both at the sound of a calling voice and two sets of heavy footsteps pounding briskly down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Sakura? You up cooking at this hou- Uh. Oh."

Yue bristled, unsure which presence upset him more at the moment; Touya, or his father.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of 12/2, Fic is caught up on Ao3 as far as it is on FFnet

Touya and his father had both awoken to the blaring of the smoke alarm in the kitchen, and raced one another down the stairs to rule out yet another malfunction at the stove before flaring into a panic. He fully expected to find his little sister attempting to make herself and the rag doll a midnight snack, a small home ec excursion that got out of hand. Running instead into a pair of card guardians hadn't been anywhere in his top ten guesses, yet there they were. Kero was a near permanent fixture in the kitchen, as common a sight as the toaster or oven mitts. Yue, hoever, was scarce enough a sight on his let, let alone standing in their kitchen at 1:30 in the morning.

After the initial shock, and once the ringing in his ears finally echoed out, the first thing Touya noticed was the lack of Yue's usual costume. His clothing was still distinctly foreign and outdated, but a startling contrast to his usual white, blue and gold. It struck Touya then to even ponder that Yue somehow had other clothing TO wear…

"Erm…" his father coughed, and tried to catch Touya's eyes while also not wanting to remove them from the stranger in their home. "Touya? I assume um…this is a friend of Sakura's?"

Touya almost laughed at how the absurdity of a home invader camping out with their whisks and spoons could be so easily explained away as a magical mishap from his magician sister. Any other family and the cops would already be on their way.

"Um..y…yeah," Touya struggled to figure out the best way to make introduction. "This is…he's Yuk…Yu…" how was he even supposed to name him? Yue, Guardian of the Moon? Yue the Judge? Yukito's other form? No! That one was bad, bad idea! Yue wouldn't want to be introduced that way, and he shouldn't be…

"My name is Yue."

Across the room, Yue saved him the struggle of the meet and greet, by lending his own name instead, and bowing deeply. "I beg your pardon, Sir, for causing an issue, and for not asking permission for the use of your home. I'm afraid I'm not use to an oven that doesn't use wood or coal."

If Yue was unsettled by meeting his Mistresses father in such a sudden manner, his face sure wasn't showing it. He wore the same pristine mask as ever, eyes calm, but cold. This was also the first time Touya had seen him since his…extreme fuck-up oughta cover it, yes. The first time they'd been together since he'd locked himself in the bathroom. He shifted his weight on his hips, awkward as anything to be standing there in his pajamas while Yue was his usual formal self; Touya had always felt a bit…overwhelmed by Yue's presence, even after he could not longer sense his magical aura, but after what had happened between them over a week ago, he was feeling particularly small.

"Um…That…that's alright, I suppose!" Fujitaka tried to dismiss with a broad and toothy smile. Touya thought he'd been taking all this like a champ, really. Hey dad, ya know that sixth sense thing I've always had? Turns out the monster's turned it up to 11 with some Tarot hocus pocus. Here's her magic wand and her familiar and oh yeah, my boyfriend's really 300 years old and Rapunzel. A lesser man than his dad would have had the both of them committed by now, then followed himself once Sakura proved her magic. Still, there was only so much he could take at once, and Touya could tell his Dad's attitude was essentially, 'I don't even know why I ask now'.

"Yue's, um…Kero's twin. Younger twin. Somehow. I dunno."

Fujitaka nodded politely, still grinning ear to ear. "Well that's…yeah! That's…It's a pleasure, then. I believe Kero's mentioned you…"

"That't right Pops, this is my baby brother I told ya about, the prissy one!" Kero laughed, happily floating up and down around Yue's shoulder. He had grown instantly very fond of Sakura's dad; he'd already bonded with him one-sidedly over his puddings, cakes and crème Brule's, so on Kero's end the connection felt foreordained. Fukitaka on his part seemed to be adjusting well to the yellow minibeast zooming about his house at all hours.

"You ah…Quite the family resemblance you have there," he offered feebly and chuckled at his own joke. Touya just shifted to the other leg, and tried to avoid any and all eye contact with Yue. Thankfully, ever-chipper Kerberos seemed to be savoring the energy in the room, as though unable to sense how terse and negative it was.

"I know, I'm the handsome one," he praised himself with a cheesey grin. "But baby brother's pretty too"

Though he barely moved, just a slight tic of his head, Touya could see the change in Yue's body language, even if he couldn't quite read the venomous glare he sent his brother.

"Kerberos, shut up, get him to leave, and help me clean up this disaster; we're guests in his home," he hissed, but like his look, his impatient words were known only to the Sun guardian.

"Awww, come on, Yue, Pops isn't gonna scold us or anything! I live here, remember? Besides, you should see what Sakura ends up with when SHE'S alone in the kitchen."

Yue narrowed his eyes. "That is NOT the point," he argued, casting anxious glances over to their audience. "I've made a fool of myself in front of the Mistresses father, and Touya is perhaps the LAST person I want to see right now!"

"Whut? Why not? Touya's a cool guy!"

"Ah. Mandarin, Touya," Fujitaka sighed, and that cheek-aching grin was starting to falter. "I have two magical beings trying to burn down my house and now they're arguing in Mandarin. This is…absolutely where I imagined my life at 45…I'm gonna start keeping wine in the cabinet for nights like these."

"There's ah, cooking sherry in the bottom cupboard if you wanna get past Yue for it," Touya snorted, and eyed the two suspiciously. He didn't speak a word of Chinese, and the language as those two were speaking it was a rapid collection of sounds he could barely distinguish as words, but he swore he heard his name crammed in there. "But trust me Dad, if you set to drinking every time something weird goes on in this house, you'll be in rehab by Christmas."

Fujitaka gave a heartfelt laugh, even if it was short, and took a bracing breath. "Um…Excuse me? I ah…my Mandarin is rusty at best, and I can't help you if I can't understand what is wrong."

Yue paused, and bowed again, as deeply as he could go. "My apologies," he said in Japanese instead. "I was simply reminding my brother of something important"

"No you weren't!" Kero argued back. "You were being threatening and vague as usual!"

"And you were being vapid as always!"

"You know, I take it back; I DO see the resemblance," Fukitaka whispered to his son, and Touya was glad to see his father's stress ease out further. "They bicker just like you and Sakura."

Touya shrugged, but didn't argue the point; he was still trying to decide how he was going to help his Dad clear out the situation at the oven while fighting the instinct to go back upstairs and pretend Yue was not here. It's not that…he DID actually want to see him. For the past week he'd been waiting for him to take this form, but if he had "been himself" at any point since that night, it had been far away from Touya's presence. Not that he could blame him; his face still heated with shame any time he began to remember what had happen…no. What he'd done. Or almost did.

Rather, he supposed the true harm had been in what he had failed to do. He had failed to think the situation all the way through, to err on the side of caution, to not let love cloud out reason.

On the other side of the counter, Yue was feeling his own internal struggle, fighting between wanting to flee into the guise of his false form, and wanting to stay and stake claim to a moment that could and SHOULD belong to him, even if it was an unpleasant and humiliating one.

"I've taken care to not leave your home a mess," Yue said with a deep breath. "However, as I explained, I'm use to baking with wood, or coal-"

"Or a gas range," Kero teased, and Yue looked ready to knock the hovering cottonball out of the air.

"-and I meant to cause you no trouble. If you please, I'll just finish tidying up; you can go back to bed, I'm sorry for waking you."

Fujitaka glanced into the hall behind him, obviously in sync with Touya on wishing he were back in bed. There was an obvious and understandable hesitancy though, so Touya stepped in; "Go on to bed; I'll help clean up." Unpleasant as it was going to be around Yue, Touya figured he deserved the company. Besides, his poor dad would be a welcome and gracious host to any of Sakura's other worldy companions; just not at 1 in the morning.

Graciously, his dad smiled his thanks, bid the brothers a shuffling goodnight, then hurried from the room to try and scrounge for some semblance of normally in his upturned life.

Which left the three of them alone in a bright kitchen still somewhat hazy from the smell of charcoal chocolate cake.

"I take it you're not familiar with smoke alarms," Touya ventured, and Yue could almost, ALMOST hurt for him, for the boy who was trying so hard to keep up his usual façade. Unfortunately for Touya though, the Moon was nothing if not arrogant, and not an easy forgiver of slights.

"I was born in 1709. Forgive me for being a little out of step." He turned his back to Touya, and wrapped his hands in a set of red tea towels to remove the sloppy mess of a cake left on the rack. Careful to not spill the still raw and runny (and hot) batter, he set it carefully atop the stoves burners. Disgruntled and displeased at his own work, he set his hand on his hip to survey the remains.

Kero fluttered up to peer around his hair. "Ah, Yue? Ya know, glaring at it isn't gonna make it finish cookin'- and it ain't gonna hurt me none either so stop giving me that look already!"

Yue turned his nose up, and went about scooping up his failure pastry once more. Without taking either hand from the pan, he approached the latched back door, and Touya watched as it swung open on it's own.

"um…hey! What're you doing?" Touya called after him, finally crossing that imaginary and unstated barrier of the kitchen counter. Yue glanced over his shoulder in exasperation, and cooly replied, "I'm going to dump the mess outside."

"Ok, ooor you could use the garbage disposal," he suggested simply. Upon Yue's blank look, he sighed, remembering vaguely that Yukito's house didn't have one. "Fine, just…give me that…what even happened to it?"

Hands free and back on his hips lazily, Yue scoffed from the back of his throat. "I told your father twice, Touya. I'm not a fan of repeating myself."

Touya tossed off the harsh tone as well as he could; "Alright. But why were you trying to bake at this time of night? Are you naturally nocturnal?"

Yue tipped his head and appraised the other man; he couldn't be sure from his generally even tone if he was trying to be biting and sarcastic, or if he was legitimately asking. He decided to assume the best, for once. Touya seemed in no hurry to continue to deepen the chill between them; even Yue, bitter and mulish as he could be, could tell Touya was trying to be conversational.  
With an overly weary sigh, Yue simply gestured vaguely towards Kerberos. "My brother possess both a voracious appetite and a wheedling voice. It was the lesser suffering to cook for him."

Touya smirked, muttered something about acting just like Sakura, and went about fixing Yue's mistake.

The batter sludged down the drain, and Touya let the tap run to carry the sticky mess away, before plugging the drain to let the rest of the pan soak in hot, sudsy water. For a while, it was the only sound in the kitchen; even Kero had grown quiet, silently observing. Yue said Touya was the last person he wanted to see right now, yet he didn't pull the easy trick of running away and letting Yuki take over. And it was hardly beneath Yue to evade uncomfortable socializing that way. Or any socializing at all, really. Until a week ago, he never took his true form for longer than was completely necessary. Of course, he understood Yue's reasons while Sakura was transforming the cards, but not his reasons after.

Nor did he understand the staunch formality and tension that all but tied knots around the two. Sure, Yue was hardly a conversationalist these days. He seemed to treat words like magic, using only the barest to get by and not wanting to waste a single sound, especially around the likes of Touya…but just what was "the situation" he had referred to? Touya was great, Kero thought! Besides, he had saved Yue, sacrificed his magic for him. Kero knew his little brother could be cold and bitter, but he would never let his pride cloud out THAT much of his own reason!

So…while it may not be his pride, nor his usual sour attitude…Kero knew something was wrong. Had been wrong for quite some time, and it wasn't just and extension of Yue's refusal to mourn. He kept that box locked, covered, and hidden away tucked deep in his heart; whatever his issue with Touya was just that. An issue with Touya.

Kero made himself comfortable on Yue's shoulders, a perch he quite liked when the younger took the time to bind his hair back; otherwise Kero got himself tangled in the loose strands. He actually expected another of Yue's piercing looks that would say in so many words, Don't TOUCH me, but it didn't come. In fact, if Kero could read Yue's aura as well as he'd been able to before, he would almost swear he felt Yue's magic uncoil a bit; had it really been broiling up so near the surface, defensive and ready? For WHAT?

With the sound of metal pan against metal sink, Kero felt bold enough to whisper, again in their more familiar second language, "You k, Yue? You feel like you're about to have one of your old tantrums."

Uptight as he was, Yue couldn't help but let his eyes roll. What he and Clow had always referred to as tantrums, Yue would prefer to think of as venting. And he hadn't had a fit proper since he was…well, not too long before Clow passed away perhaps, but they were hardly the rueful conniptions his Master and brother alwys teased him over. Just because THEY had a lower boiling point!

"…I'm fine, Kerberos," he conceded to answer. A deep breath helped to quell his aura a bit further, but not enough to set Kero's mind at ease. But…fine. He wouldn't press any further for now. As Touya wordlessly finished his cleaning, bid the two an akward goodnight and all but ran out of the kitchen, Kero said nothing, but leaned his small fuzzy head against Yue's cheek.

He felt Yue's power sink as quickly as water sloshed from a bucket, his body physically showing the release of anxiety as his shoulders slumped heavily, and his usually arched posture followed suit. Kero was falling more and more concerned about the moon guardian with each hour they spent together, and their previously interrupted conversation had done little to set Kero's mind at ease. Yue had relented, and had offered him food, even changed his clothes, and they had fallen into the old routine of constant nagging and nipping at one another's heels, but Yue's heart and will were somewhere else. Back in the book, perhaps, or still locked away behind the doors of the home they had shared with Clow, here in Japan?

"…You know, Yue. I meant what I said earlier. About missing Clow," he murmured in a far gentler tone, barely a trace of his new crass accent. "And I know you felt it a lot more than me, and you haven't gotten to try to deal with it yet, but you can't keep using that excuse now, ya know?" When Yue gave no nod of listening, Kero bristled his tiny, translucent wings in a huff. "Yue Reed would you give me the decency of acknowledging I exist?"

When Yue finally turned his head a sliver in Kero's direction, lending a somewhat more attentive ear, Kero puffed his tiny, fluffy chest out in victory. "Yeah, s'what I thought," He grumbled. "You know, it's been two months since Sakura changed Light and Dark. That's two months since any weird voodoo's been knocking at our door. What've you been doing all that time before you started coming to see me again?"

"…Reading, some," Yue offered reluctantly. He raised his left hand to his lips, gnawing and fidgeting on his thumbnail, around which he added, "Mostly sleeping."

"Well…that's dandy at least," Kero sighed. He hovered off of Yue's shoulder and wrapped his arms around Yue's hand, dragging it away from reach of his teeth. "Don't start that habit again, Yue. You know Clow hated when you did that."

Yue said nothing, but let his hand fall, instead picking at the seam of his long tunic. Usually stoic, even amidst the throes of his emotional storm, Yue carried and stored away worries and frets, hoarding them up until they needed some way to spill out. In…in their lives before, he could practice his archery, patch some garment of Clow's or rearrange the library. But in lieu of productive thigns to busy his hands, Yue had once had the habit of chewing about his nails, or tugging and twirling bits of his hair or plucking at buttons and seams enough to fray the fabric. Clow had hated that compulsion, and had often lost patience scolding him for it.

"But Clow isn't here," he found himself whispering, hardly aware he'd said it out loud until Kero folded his arms petulantly and retorted, "Well, he may not be, but *I* am. SO knock it off!"

With a more inviting tone, he added, "I'm still here, ok? I mean, I know we spent more time trying to kill each other than anything else, but if I have to be stuck with someone for a few thousand years, you're about as good a choice as any, I guess."

He didn't expect Yue to smile or anything, but he still felt pretty damn proud at the vague glimmer his aura produced. Emboldened, Kero pressed on.

"And if we're gonna be stuck together forever, you need to get back in the swing of things, yeah! Baking for your beloved older brother was a nice start and all, but I'd actually like to, you know, enjoy the fruits of your labor next time? So when you come back tomorrow we'll try a pie, maybe, or fudge- oh you use to make good fudge! And ribbon candy! And that time you made moonca-

"I am NOT making you mooncakes," Yue sneered immediately, his violet eyes narrowing. "I like to keep that experience alongside the cursed range, thank you."

"But they turned out so gooood," Kero whined, floating to the floor dramatically as though Yue's perpetual refusal to attempt the infamously difficult confection again hurt his very soul. "Fine then. We'll go simple. Make me fruit tart tomorrow when you come over."

Yue sighed gustily, warm breath fluttering his thin bangs. "And how do you know I'm going to be back tomorrow after what happened tonight?" he wanted to know.

"Because you're prideful and arrogant and you won't stop beating yourself up until you prove you can conquer the test of modern appliances?" Kero offered without a missed beat.

…Unable to argue, Yue just pursed his lips, but Kero knew he'd won that battle. Tart would be his! Now, for…

"And, Yue?" he waited a moment for Yue to look over at him, then fluttered up to his eye level.

"Yue…it's been two months since Sakura changed all the cards…but it's been almost fifty years since Clow died. I know that you…you didn't get a chance to try and deal with it before, but you do now. And you're not. And if I know you, and I DO, you're going to continue to "not" as long as you can, and it's gonna eat you alive. And aaas your beloved older bro, I ain't gonna let that happen. Yer a big boy, Yue, and…and Clow wouldn't have wanted you to be hurt like this. Remember what he said to us, before he died?"

Yue bit into his bottom lip, worrying it in the absence of any other outlet for the anxiety he was trying to suppress. Hiding it behind his hair as he tipped his face down, he shook his head, but Kero knew it wasn't a denial over remembering, it was a refusal to say it.

"…Our memories got changed, but Clow's last words were the same to you. Sakura told me exactly what she saw. Before Clow sealed you first, he told you that all he wanted for you was to be happy with your new Master...and are you?"

"I do not hate Sakura," Yue ground out in a low groan, tired of having this same question presented to him over and over. Hadn't he shown that well enough? That he did love the child?

"Not what I asked," Kero deadpanned with limp shoulders. "I asked you, are you happy? Clow said he wanted you to be HAPPY here, with your new family. And are you?"

Yue's eyes slid closed, then clenched, wanting to shut Kerberos away, but the words had already been said. Across the room, the small clock on the wall ticked softly, resonated with the barely audible hum of the refrigerator, and the pulse of Yue's magic, almost a sound itself to Kero's sun magic.

And Kero could only watch, as Yue slid quietly to the cheery yellow tile floor in a bright, warm kitchen, in a home marked by the essence of love and kindness and sorcery, and shook his head once before choking back a deep, whimpering cry. He struggled, Kero could tell, to keep his jaw clenched and swallow, but with the first sound echoing off the walls of the empty room, Yue couldn't stop himself from tucking his knees tightly against his chest, doubling his shoulders over and letting his chest heave and ache with his quiet cries. Gasping, he tried over and over to stop himself, wanting to stop this fracture in the dam, but he didn't have it in him. Tired, frazzled down each nerve, and alone with the only person familiar to him in this world, Yue could only shake his head, and mouth silently, "no."

And while Kero hurt for the little brother who hadn't been allowed to mourn, and offered what little comfort could be given, below the surface his only emotion was reliefe and an internal sigh of, Finally.


	8. Chapter 8

)o(

When Touya slipped down to the kitchen at dawn, he found the counters spotless and all evidence of last night’s fire hazard gone, including the Moon Guardian himself. That wasn’t surprising at all; like a vampire, Yue seemed to always tuck himself silently away before dawn, as though being caught out in the sunlight would scald his pale skin. Hell, for all Touya knew, that could have truth to it; the vast majority of times he had encountered or even seen Yue were at night, and he supposed it could make sense if he were somehow sun-averted. But he wouldn’t know. All he knew about Yukito’s other half was that he was old, tense, and could apparently cook, last night’s modern disaster aside. 

As he stood in the spotless kitchen in the weak morning light, Touya couldn’t help but feel…disappointed? But why would he? It’s not like he had any reason to expect Yue to have stayed here for the night, even as Yukito. He was bitterly upset at Touya, for reasons he couldn’t argue were illegitimate. He could have said something last night; maybe he would have even been more at ease with Kero arou- No. No, Yue would have bristled, prickly as a porcupine if Touya had even appeared that he was going to breech that topic in front of the rag doll, just like Touya couldn’t fathom addressing his own intimate life with Sakura in the room, even if she WASN’T 11 years old…and what had transpired between the two of them that night could hardly be filed under the good-natured embarrassment of intimacy. Touya felt his face and neck flush every time he thought about it, and he had to fight the desire to hide his face from an empty room.

He needed to speak to Yue, alone. If you trusted to be alone with Touya.

)o(

He had never asked Yukito to change, and that realization that night as they both sat curled on the couch made Touya feel…uneasy. It’s not like he’d had a reason to ask for Yue; while he considered Yue a comrade of sorts, and they had shared something extremely close through the exchange of Touya’s powers, it would be a gross stretch of the word to say he thought of Yue as a friend. In fact, ‘Yue’ and ‘friend’ seemed an odd combination of words; Sakura’s guardian seemed like that antisocial child in kindergarten whose only social interaction with the other kids was to throw sand at them. Yue didn’t seem the sort to really have friends. Kero, after all, was his brother, and Clow had been…well…he couldn’t answer that. Because he didn’t freaking know Yue, this…person, who technically sat only three feet away, quiet within Yukito’s mind as Yuki browsed through a course catalog for the university where Touya’s father taught. Was…was he there? Was he awake, watching through Yukito’s amber eyes, silently commenting on the classes Yukito was circling with a blue marker? Was he asleep?

…How often did Yukito wonder these same things, with so few people to turn to?

“…So what’s it like?” Touya asked, sudden but soft. “I mean…I know you said you were just glad to have an answer, but…”

Yukito blinked behind his wide glasses, but smiled. He knew Touya far too well to be much off-put by his sudden inquisitive approach. Restrained impulsivity was the contradiction that was Touya.

“Hmm…that’s most of it,” Yuki agreed. “Knowing I’m not sick, not needing to eat so much, or sleep so often…but that’s only a tiny part of it, isn’t it? …I’ll be three years old this Christmas.”

“What’re you talking about; you’ll be eig….eight-teen…Oh.”

Yuki offered Touya an almost apologetic smile. “No…I’ll be three. You met me start of the January term, remember? I…I didn’t really exist before that. Not physically, at least.”

“But you do now,” Touya said firmly; Yukito was not one for sadness or melancholy, but how anyone could struggle with the realization that they’re not human and not be clinically depressed, Touya wasn’t sure. Either way, he had been constantly on guard the last 2 months, to stem any potential self-degradation.

“I know that Touya,” Yuki reassured him. “I’m…I’m not frightened of that reality. Nothing about me has really changed, has it? It’s not like finding out I lost a leg or something. I’ve always been this way. I just know it now. So nothing’s really…different…”

But Touya saw his gaze wander over to the pictures that still hung on the wall by the bay window; lies. Constructs. Mirages of a smiling, mousy haired boy cuddled between an older couple, awkward middle school snapshots in a uniform that didn’t quite fit right; Yukito had always been sma…well, he was small. Shorter than Touya, but every lick as strong, just like Yue. 

Even though they weren’t real, Yukito couldn’t bring himself to remove the photos from the wall. Ami and Hajime Tsukishiro never existed; neither did his parents…come to think of it, were his parents supposed to be dead? Did they abandon him? All he’d ever thought on the subject was that “they aren’t around”… he couldn’t think any deeper into the idea, like how his house was paid for, who kept money in the account under his grandparents names, who paid the bills…he’d ask, someday later. Right now he was content to just dismiss it as “magic.”

“…Do you miss them?” Touya asked gently, scooting closer to Yuki’s end of the couch, and Yukito slowly nodded.

“Is that stupid, To-ya?” he said quietly, wryly smiling. “To miss people who don’t exist? Who never did?”

Touya shook his head emphatically; “No, Yuki, don’t even think that. Just because they aren’t real doesn’t mean they don’t mean something to you. People in stories and books aren’t real either, but we’re still supposed to be moved by what happens to them.”

“…You’re a cheesy sentimentalist, Touya,” Yuki snorted, not unkind, as he leaned back against Touya’s shoulder. “But I think I get what you mean. I can’t think too much on it though…it still hurts, a little bit. I try to think about what I’ve gained instead of what I lost.”

Touya nodded, his free arm going to wrap loosely around Yuki’s shoulders, to encourage him closer. “You mean like…?”

“Yue,” Yukito finished, affirming Touya’s guess. “You know I kinda…I talk to him, sometimes. I don’t know if he hears me-“

“OH, trust me, he does,” Touya says, then grit his teeth at how sharply he’d spoken. “In fact I’d bet he’s listening to us right now.”

“…God that is so weird to think,” Yukito said after a moment, yet mentally added to himself, ‘but not so bad…I guess we’re never really alone, at least, eh Yue?’

“…Yuki, I really fucked up the other night,” Touya said with reluctance. Looking up, Yuki noticed he wasn’t looked at him as he spoke. Instead, his narrowed eyes were stubbornly planted towards the coffee table, peering at nothing but whatever visions went through his head.

“Touya?”

“The…that night, last week,” He elaborated for Yuki. “When you and I were…he was there, Yuki. You know that.” 

With color filling his face, Yuki nodded once. Touya hadn’t said that in so many words, but with what they knew now…”I’m sorry, Touya,” he offered. “I…I should have spoken up, then. We assumed he wouldn’t mind-“

“But I pushed it.” Touya’s voice was firm as his body became soft, sliding further down the couch as though hoping to sink completely between the worn green cushions and disappear. “And I said everything I could have possibly said WRONG once he was here.”

“You can be blunt,” Yukito admitted, a weak, timid smile accompanying to soften the blow. Touya accepted the medicine without need for the sugar.

“That’s a kind way to put it,” he shrugged…he had never asked Yukito to change. It was Yukito he was in love with, who he knew, while Yue was something aloof and unfriendly and…and that wasn’t fair. Touya spent more time with him that anyone, technically, and had charged him with keeping watch over Sakura…yes, he had offered his magic, a painful, harsh sacrifice, but one he was more than willing to give. …for Yukito. While it had been given TO Yue FOR them both, it had been his love for yuki that made the decision so assured. Would he have done it for another? Would he have done it for Yue alone? …Probably, yes. But Yue deserved something from Touya that was meant for him and him alone.

“Yuki…could you…do you know how to ask Yue to come out? I owe him something.”  
Yuki appraised the other man with soft eyes, but had to smile a little awkwardly. “I…I don’t know how, Touya,” he admitted, almost embarrassed that he couldn’t. “But you…you said he’s probably here, right? Maybe it would be more polite to just ask him.”

…This was more awkward than Touya wanted it to be, and he knew this was the easy part of his evening. How could he look at Yukito, and ask him to be someone else? Even knowing what was needed, even with all three understanding that this queer arrangement of dual minds and dual hearts was a norm for them, it still felt…embarrassing, to be asking for someone who technically wasn’t there…no. That was a hurtful way to put it…God damn it how was Touya supposed to be, you know, not an ass when he didn’t even know how he was supposed to be acting?

“Um….Uh…Yue? If you’re not busy….if you’re awake, can you, you know…be you? I wanna talk to you?”

When nothing happened immediately, the two sat in an uncomfortably long silence, staring at each other while waiting for Yukito to sprout wings and glow…a completely normal afternoon for magical creatures. Just when Touya was going to gather the will to try again, Yukito’s eyes slid closed, and Touya’s a moment after as silver light flooded through the living room. Moments later it was replaced with the soft rustling of silk and feathers, and a very pretty but very clipped voice.

“What do you need from me?” Yue queried in a voice that could almost be called bored. He hovered several inches above the ground, hands on both hips, which seemed to be becoming his usual stance around Touya…whether this was due solely to their rocky beginnings or Yue was simply rising to meet Touya’s height, he wasn’t sure. And even he wouldn’t be so bold as to assume that the latter being true didn’t also hold a desire to intimidate. Appear larger to guard against predators…he really hoped Yue didn’t think of him that way, but he can’t say he wouldn’t deserve it. 

“Hey,” Touya tried to greet casually, and decided to go with it. If he didn’t know what to do around Yue now, the best he could do is act how he had around Yue before. Normal as any other time. “Thanks for tidying up last night; the kitchen’s cleaner than it was when I went to bed.”

Yue didn’t seem to be in the best mood, and Touya couldn’t help but remember Kero mentioning once that Yue was always a pain in his and Clow’s ass when he woke up. “Um…were you sleeping?”

He swore Yue growled.

‘Oh good,’ Touya noted privately, ‘so you didn’t hear me make an ass out of myself, that’s a plus.’ “Listen, um…I was wondering if you wanted some time out, you know. To be out…I know you go to see your brother every night anyway, so I thought maybe I’d ask you to be here an hour or two before.”

“Why?” Yue quipped simply, and Touya really felt like snitting back at him, but refrained. 

“Cause I wanna talk to you? And cause I’m around you more than anyone else is and I thought it only fair that I try to acknowledge your existence?

Yue hadn’t bothered to pull away his wings, and they ruffled slightly, each feather puffing out slightly; yup. Intimidation. “And why is that? Figured you’d try to romance me before trying to sleep with me again?”

Touya felt a tension tic growing near his eye, and he had to bite his tongue harshly before spitting out a retort about preferring his own specifies.

“…I’m sorry, Yue.”

Yue wasn’t sure what he had been expecting from Touya when he’d felt himself awoken at the call of his name. He knew there was no danger; he would have initiated the change on his own accord, if that was the case. Even in a dead sleep, he could sense the soothing thrum of Sakura’s magic. So different from Clow’s, but growing familiar, especially to the guardian who depended so heavily on it. And as Kerberos was not zooming around his head, as he would have in an instant if he were present, Yue could only surmise he and the Mistress’s brother were alone. 

“Pardon me?” He said, for lack of a better response, and he watched from his vantage point as Touya drew in a shaking breath withdrew his hands from his pockets and extended them in a shrug.

“Yue…I’m sorry. For what happened last week. You were right; Yuki and I got too caught up in ourselves, and assumed what we didn’t know. And you got hurt for it, and I’m an ass.”

Getting to know Yue meant getting to know the tiny, almost imperceptible movements that betrayed his emotions; the small tip of his head backwards as his eyes fluttered once seemed to be an arrogant way of allowing Touya the time to go on.

…Fine.

“And I was rude to you afterwards…I was embarrassed, ok?” Touya shook slightly; he was good with handling pressure, awkward situations, and admitting his own fault when he messed up, but rolling it all into one, and adding in Yue, and he was actually starting to sweat a little under his hawk-like eyes. “I…was embarrassed for getting so worked up that I couldn’t take the safe route, and then I got defensive. I completely understood why you were upset, and frankly I’m amazed you didn’t hit me”

“I’d have hurt you,” Yue said dully. “With no magic, you’ve no natural barrier against me. I’m a lot stronger than you Touya.”

‘You’re stronger than my ten year old sister but that didn’t stop you beating the snot out of her,’ Touya thought scathingly, but again, buried his come-backs somewhere deep, as though afraid to even think them in front of Yue.

“I…I know. Thanks for the restraint then. My hips now a really nice shade of green and I can actually put weight on it again,” he dared, and damned if Yue didn’t look almost proud! Arrogant little… “Anyway, I just…you deserved better from me. I…don’t know the first thing about you, and I can’t begin to understand what it has to be like for you, sharing a body…Yuki handles it surprisingly well, but I think he just doesn’t know how else to be…”

“…Yukito will adjust well, in time. He has never had any other existence than this, and he is young.” Yue finally offered after a soft breath. It looked as though it pained him to even begrudgingly give Touya this assurance, but the younger man smiled in appreciation. 

“And…and you?” he prompted.

Yue kept his stance, glowering down at Touya for a moment, before finally relaxing his challenging stance and lowering himself down to the pale wooden floor. His feet hardly make a sound with his soft landing, and the shushing of silk as he fluidly looped his arm to his side to gather up the extra yards of his shawl.

“And I, what, Touya?” Yue wanted a more direct question, and he peered up, now, being some bit shorter than Touya, and waited almost defiantly.

“…I guess…do you forgive me?” Touya shrugged again, the sweat down his neck starting to cool.

Yue appraised him heavily, sharp violet eyes focused unblinkingly at Touya’s blue. When he finally flicked them away, they closed as he squared his shoulders and said coolly, “I’ve still no intention of allowing you and Yukito to carry on as you please. I’ll relent my understanding that you and Yukito wish to be close, but I won’t allow your desires to over-ride MY right to my own body.”

“…I take it that’s the most I’m gonna get out of you then,” Touya said, trying to cover the slight shake to his voice. He expected that, and being honest with himself, he knew, for now, it shouldn’t be any other way. He mourned the physical intimacy he couldn’t share with Yukito, which he knew Yuki wanted as well, but as abrasive as Yue spoke, his demands weren’t selfish; only decent. Which Touya had known right away, that night last week. If he was always there, not only was it cruel to force such a thing on him, but frankly, Touya wouldn’t be able to will himself to desire that closeness. Not knowing someone other than Yukito was involved. That wasn’t who Touya was, and with a clear head now, and full realization of what Yue had told him, the idea made him sick. He…he would wait for Yukito, and he knew Yuki would feel the same.

“…You don’t deserve any less, Yue,” Touya nodded. “I really am sorry, for what I did, and how I reacted. I don’t know what else I can say about it, so…”

Yue tipped his head once, sharply, and with a faint, warm glow, his wings coiled and folded in on themselves, disappearing entirely, which surprised Touya for a moment. Once the gentle swill of magic began, he assumed Yue was taking his leave. Instead, he seemed to be making himself more comfortable in Yukito’s home.

Yue felt unusually emboldened, even for a night so near the full moon. After his…incidents the night before in the Kinomoto’s kitchen, he was fully prepared to bunker down inside Yukito’s brain for weeks, if he could…save for maybe, MAYBE agreeing to see Kerberos again. He had sworn no promises to his brother, of course, but he was right; if one thing burned more passionately than his shame over his public humiliation and tears, it was the sting of personal failure. He absolutely didn’t expect to be himself less than a day later, and more or less comfortably, in front of Touya…if Kerberos were here, he would jovially reduce Yue’s moodiness and hairpin turns of mood as jabs to his gender. For a moment, a pang ran through his chest, and he almost wished Kerberos WAS here; though his newly acquired accent was bordering on vulgar to Yue’s ears, he did have a talent for diffusing even the densest unease…

“You know, I’m helping Sakura with a project for her life skills class tonight,” Touya said to Yue’s back, already slipping back into his usual nonchalance. “So if you want to see Kero, we could head over together.”

Taken aback, Yue peered over his shoulder quizzically, but his curiosity measured. “Hm. What makes you think I’m going to be seeing Kerberos this evening?”

He watched Touya’s lip twitch into a wry grin, the sort of smile that said he knew something he oughtn’t. “Kero talks more than enough for both of you, ya know,” he chuckled, and Yue’s eyes narrowed slowly. “He says you’ve been coming to see him, like, every night since last week. You seem to be a pretty repetitive creature, so…”

“…Cycling and pattern is in my nature,” Yue slowly drawled, again unsure how to read into Touya’s deadpan sarcasm. Clow…he had a similar air about him, the same infuriating way of asking questions that always made one feel as though they were being set up into some sort of trap! Both of them spoke with an off putting mix of uninhibited observation and merciless teasing, yet spoken with such softness it didn’t seem like a tease! Yue knew, also, that as soon as he thought he’d have him pegged, Touya, like Clow, would have been absolutely serious and legitimately concerned, leaving Yue feeling like an ass when he snapped at a kind comment.   
Touya’s eyes crinkled slightly, and Yue knew he was trying not to chuckle; damn Kerberos! He knew exactly which of his favorite taunts he’d be sharing with Sakura’s family! Wretched Sun Beast, he’d be basking in the freedom and attention he had now, with no one to hide form, his mouth never closing between all the food and all the new listening ears he felt obligated to entertain! Before Yue could demand to know just what Kero had been saying about him, Touya continued, “I just thought you seemed to like routine and familiar things. Besides, you’re brothers, right? You got that twin thing going on. So…” He finished with a casual shrug, and Yue felt almost envious at how smoothly Touya could slip into a calm mood.  
…Well he didn’t like the idea of Touya having the upper hand to Yue’s high-strung mood; Yue reflected. He was a reactive being, and he prided himself on how quickly he could mirror at least his outward expressions to match a challenge, even if his internal feelings were a general mess. He may have accepted Touya Kinomoto’s apology, may have judged it to be heartfelt, but that did nothing to diminish Yue’s general antagonism towards forced socialization. It also didn’t suddenly wipe away the nauseous feeling he still had every time he remembered was had transpired between them that night. Touya was no monster; even pessimistic Yue couldn’t assume such cruelty against an otherwise decent man. Still, though, his heart constricted in compulsive revulsion at the memory of such intimate, and unwanted touch…

“…Alright. But you aren’t going to want to be seen with me on the way there,” he pointed out lightly, raising his silk-wrapped arm to rest on one cocked hip. He almost smiled seeing Touya’s cool face falter.

“What’s that supposed to mean,” he asked. 

Yue shrugged. “It’s only just getting dark now, and I don’t exactly…blend in. Wouldn’t you rather Yukito escort you?”

Touya was quiet, hands resting in the pockets of his sweatshirt, and it was all Yue could do to not grin, self-satisfied. If Touya wanted to play teasing word games, Yue would go along happily. Just like that night in the hallway, he wanted to set Touya up to be able to give no answer Yue couldn’t pounce on. To ask for Yukito would be hurtful, while having Yue as himself would invite unwanted attention.

“…Looking at you do, you’ve never been normal. If you could hide behind Yuki for 2 years, something tells me you have other ways of dealing with being seen.”

…Yue could bite into him if given a chance. Drawing himself up to full height (that is, hovering just enough for his bare toes to brush the hardwood floor) he huffed quietly. “You assume quite a bit for one who doesn’t know me.”

“Perhaps,” Touya nodded, “But I can’t imagine Reed to be the sort who’d create you just to keep you locked inside the house for centuries.

“You don’t know anything about Clow!” Yue hissed, not even trying to cover up the indignity in his voice, but Touya seemed nonplussed.

“No. But am I wrong?”

…’Touche, Touya,’ Yue thought reluctantly behind his glare, but he wouldn’t reward Touya any verbal victory. Instead, he simply lowered himself back down to the floor, tossed his hair over his shoulder and began to close the gap between them. As he did so, another shimmer of the now-familiar pale light washed over him, not unlike, Touya thought, soft light over dark water. It rippled across the pale silk of his robes, and his silver hair, almost bleaching it, before tinging it…blonde?

Touya blinked, trying to clear his vision. Yue stood before him, an arm’s distance away, but it wasn’t Yue as he knew him. Yards of silvery, lavender-tinged hair now shone a much less striking ash blond, reaching just between his shoulders in a slight wave, and his violet eyes calmed themselves to gray. Gone also were his usual clothes, replaced not by more out of place dynasty clothing, but a simple shirt and tailored vest over pale gray slacks. Old, still, but in a less conspicuous manner.

“…Hi,” Touya finally greeted doubtfully, unsure whether this would be another “borrowed form” of sorts, or simply a-

“It’s just a glamour, Touya,” Yue’s own voice carried out. His formal, cocky posture sure didn’t change much, save to accommodate the loss of the weight of his hair and wings. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

Like hell he was falling into that baited trap, Touya thought, and opened the door for the two of them without comment. Without second thought, he unchained his bike from the front porch and wheeled it down the sidewalk before realizing Yue was no longer at his side. He leaned on his handlebars and looked back over to the porch, where Yue stood with his arms folded, and Touya almost SWORE he was POUTING. 

“Yue, come on; you can ride on the spokes. Your hairs short enough now I won’t run it over!”

Yue’s arms folded tighter, shoulder hunching. “I am NOT getting on that,” he snit. 

Touya rolled his eyes. “Come on, I know they had bicycles in your time, for a while at least. You can’t tell me you haven’t been on one.”

‘His time,’ Touya says, as though he really understands what that even it. “I haven’t.”

“Okay, then be adventurous and hop on,” he replied without hesitation. When Yue still refused to move, Touya scoffed. “Come on, you fly. You can’t be afraid of two wheels.”

Yue’s back went rigid as he hissed, “I am NOT afraid.”

“Prove it.”

Oh, NOW he wanted to act like Kerberos, that was even grander. But it was the truth; Yue wasn’t afraid. A tumble off a 4 foot bicycle was nothing but a scraped knee to one who had plummeted 30 feet from the sky. The issue was Touya; was he really so easy going and forgiving that he assumed others would extend the same emotions? Until 10 minutes ago, they had barely been on speaking terms and, in Yue’s case, the sore emotions were still just below the surface. Forgiveness was one thing, forgetting was another entirely; something the moon guardian was not very good at!

“I’d rather walk.”

“It’ll take you half an hour,” Touya pointed out. “Get on.”

“I’ll fly then.”

“Just get on the damned bike you stubborn ass or I’ll tell the sponge you fell off and cried.”

Oh he would too, Yue knew, and he’d never hear Kero end it. Even if he knew Touya was only jesting for a reaction, Kero would bring it up, and God knows what ACTUAL stories it would remind him of…FINE.

…Touya’s aura felt almost comforting. Even without his magic, it ebbed and flowed in an almost musical way, as one naturally deeply intuned with the world around him, and one whose life had been shaped by magic. He placed his hands heavily on Touya’s shoulders, displeased at the intimacy this required, but also not foolish enough to let his pride result in him falling off during a turn. God he hoped Kerberos wouldn’t be at a window to see this; at least it might get him off his back for the night. Kerberos didn’t know what had happened between them, and Yue wanted to keep it that way. Now he had no more reason to assume it was anything but Yue’s typical moodiness.   
Touya rode quickly, neither speaking over the rhythmic clatter of tires over smooth concrete…Yue lowered his lashes against the wind, but kept them open enough to peer around him…a familiar neighborhood, he knew every house, remembered some of the families in each, but not his world, nto at all. Though Clow had lived well into the 20th century, THIS same century, they had not lived like it. Their home never ran with electricity, and hot running water was produced with spellwork. He had never ridden in a car nor flown with any power but his own wings. He wondered, and not for the first time, why Clow had not brought that time into their homes, where before they had always lived more or less to the era. Clow was so much older than he…did time wear on him more heavily? Did the rise of such industry unnerve him more deeply than in previous centuries?

…Perhaps Clow knew he would never be at home in this world, in this time. He was born at the dawn of the 1600’s, a far cry from the 1990’s. 350 was not so terribly old for a sorcerer, but for one of Clow’s power, from his culture…it was difficult to imagine Clow walking down these streets, blending in with modern clothing and manners of speech. This would not be Clow’s home…

Yue felt something in him twist as they handled a corner, and he squeezed onto Touya’s shoulders tightly. If…if that was so, why would Clow shove Yue into this alone?


	9. Chapter 9

Touya let himself in through the front door, hollered his arrival through the house and slipped out of his shoes in the foyer. Likewise, Yue slipped out of his glamour as soon as the door was closed behind them; another rippling glimmer like light reflecting off water, each one seeming to brush aside another layer of that blonde hair and gray eyes. However, to Touya’s surprise, he kept the clothing he had conjured for himself.

“Touya, you’re late!” Sakura’s indignant voice called as her quick footsteps pounded down the hallway. “I need to have this done by tomorrow and…oh! Hi, Yue!”

Yue bowed his head kindly to acknowledge his little Mistress, and noted to himself with a hint of relief that she seemed to have grown much more comfortable around him as of late. Whether this came from her evolving maturity or the end of her schoolgirl crush on his other form mattered little to Yue; he was just glad she wasn’t blushing and stuttering around him all he time. It was off-putting at best and hardly fitting behavior for such a strong young sorceress. 

“Yue’s here to see the Beast,” Touya answered the unasked but obvious question on her face; unless she was simply confused by Yue’s odd attire. The Guardian tried to sigh quietly; he didn’t want to appear insulting, but between Sakura, and Touya’s frequent glances, he was almost regretting the change of appearance. Kero was the only one who didn’t seem to find a need to stare.

“That’s right,” his voice carried from the same direction Sakura’s had, obviously having heard Touya’s comment because he continued in a bellow, “Bought time you address me for what I am, mortal boy!”

“Hm. I believe Touya was referring to a less dignified connotation of ‘beast’”, Yue said offhandedly, and Kero’s challenging and conceited smirk changed to a pleased smile upon seeing his brother.

“Yue, you came to cook for me!” he beamed. His flight over the across the foyer was a small areal show as he spun himself midair and clasped his hands together. “I’ve been telling Sakura all day that you were gonna come and make tart for us and-“

“Us?”

“And she said she didn’t think you’d be here; she thinks you’re shyyy!” he finished with a tease, poking one furry little paw against Yue’s cheek. Yue didn’t seem to be amused by his plushie brother’s rapid chat.

“What do you mean, ‘For us?’” Yue asked as he followed Touya and Sakura from the room.

Kero shrugged off Yue’s defensive and suspicious tone. “Well it’s hardly fair to make something for me and not offer any to Sakura or the fam now, is it? Not after Pops and big bro know we’re having pajama parties in their kitchen.”  
Yue was in no hurry to remember his…incident the night prior. Neither of them, for he wasn’t sure which was the cause of deeper shame, his failure as a cook or his mild breakdown on the kitchen floor. At least it had been only Kerberos present to witness this shattering of his outer wall. He alone was bad enough, but their recent distance and animosity aside, they were brothers, and had lived with one another for more than two centuries. Born a year apart and subject to the whims of a creative magician with too much free time, both had suffered ample humiliation for the entertainment of the other. They had seen one another at their worst, at their most defeated, embarrassed and in the depths of their greatest failures…but this was a far more raw and bleeding wound than simply a magical fluke or social faux pas. Even trying to play host for the Dimensional Witch failed to produce this level of proud compensating and burial of emotions; Yue refused to acknowledge he had revealed anything painful last night. 

Blessedly, Kerberos seemed to be playing the same chords, and made no mention of Yue’s spill of emotions and tears as they trailed behind in the little trek through the house. From the ever-changing whiteboard on the wall, Yue quickly noted that their father would be gone till very late that evening, which didn’t bother Yue at all; their father was a kind man, but Yue was still ashamed at being caught making a disaster of his home, even if he HAD left it cleaner than he’d found it. Besides, he already always felt out of sorts any time he was cajoled into being social, or even present in their home without yet another person making him feel even more crowded, more of a spectacle. He hoped Fujitaka was the last introduction he would have to make. Yue was more than done with the stares and awkward introductions and-

“Yue, are you going to be with us for the evening, or is Yuki gonna be here too?”

…and unintentionally rude questions that seemed to brush him in a completely unpleasant direction for reasons he couldn’t quite explain.

“…Yukito is peacefully and willingly asleep tonight, Sakura. I promised Kerberos my company.”

Sakura nodded, sitting up on her knees on her chair, to lean across the table and survey the project she had scattered about. With a smile, she said, “Kero’s been going nonstop about it all day, saying you were gonna make a strawberry tart! That’s so sweet of you!”

“Yeah,” Touya chimed in, trying to make sense of Sakura’s mismatched notes and instructions. “You oughta take a few pointers from Yue about being a good little sibling.”

All that sorting for nothing, Yue couldn’t help but think a bit sardonically, as Touya’s papers went flying across the kitchen like a flock of spotted birds after his little mistress landed a kick squarely to Touya’s knee. 

Kero, always one to make a contest of the simplest endeavor (and apparently set on forming the most unusual of comrade rivalries with Touya) puffed his chest out with pride, giving him the look now of a plush toy with a hidden squeaker.

“Well Sakura’s a great little sister,” Kero said to defend the girls honor with reverence. “But, ya see Touya, great big brothers inspire the most loyalty!”  
He paused long enough in picking up Sakura’s assignment papers to scowl and scoff at the tiny guardian.

“It’s true!” Kero insisted, raising his little round head piously. “Ya gotta be a good leader and set a great example for little siblings; that’s where you get good followers who love you and bake you tarts!”

Beside him, Yue joined in with Touya’s nonplussed disbelief.

“Love and devotion, Kerberos? For being a wonderful elder sibling? Pardon my assumptions, but I’m quite sure Touya has never pushed HIS sibling from a 7 meter tall tree.”

“Pushed her in a pool once,” Touya offered, sending Sakura into an indignant fit about an event she had been too young to even remember.  
“Don’t listen to him” Kero covered. “I was just teaching my baby brother how to fly!”

“Right, and was this before, or after you painted my hair yellow while I slept?”

“I thought you’d look nice as a blond!” Kero shrugged.

Yue folded his arms in his usual prim manner, but kept an even glare on his sibling. “Excuses or not, I hardly think I’d call you “a loving example of a leader”. There are no fewer than 6 Cards in that deck made specifically to keep us from mauling one another or allow Clow five minutes of peace.”

“Yet here you are, making me tart,” Kero nodded gravely, and Touya swore the closest thing he could compare Yue’s squawk to was an angry swan he’d once overheard at the zoo. It resonated rather harmonically with Sakura’s finishing indignant squeal. Looking up at the hovering plush, Touya just gave him an exasperated, weary look, at Kero returned suit with a pitiful shake to his head.

“Oh don’t start with your pitifully burdened older brother charade,” Yue groused as he began to look through the kitchen, a little more familiar than he had been just 20 hours before. With a wave and a glimmer, he conjured for himself a plain, crisp apron; he was in no danger of spilling so much as a tablespoon of flour on himself, but Kerberos often liked to “help” in the kitchen when he was in a particularly grand mood, which he seemed to be. “I am baking for you out of pity and because your whine has grown even more intolerable since you developed that accent. The mistress and her brother shouldn’t be subject to that misery.”

Kero acted offended, fluttering to and fro around Yue’s head; the moon guardian seemed completely nonplussed by the distraction though, as though he had long ago grown use to it.

Across the breakfast counter at the dining room table. Touya helped cut the strips of balsa wood where his sister had marked it. She had to design a cut-away floor plan for a lesson on scale, and refused to let Touya correct any of her measurements.

“…Yue seems a lot different when Kero’s around,” she finally said, just loud enough for Touya to hear. 

Touya nodded, passing the Xacto knife over the soft wood twice to make a clean angle for his sister. “He’s certainly not like that around me,” he agreed, and Sakura nodded as well.

“They were so cold to each other at first, you know. When I first met Yue, Kero was really protective of me, like he thought Yue would hurt me.”

“And he beat the snot out of you,” Touya pointed out, barely looking up from his work. The last thing he needed tonight was stitches. 

“But he wouldn’t have truly hurt me,” Sakura said with certainty. “Besides, he was angry, and…I think he was really lonely. He didn’t want to have to pick a new Master…I think he’s still lonely, Touya.”

Her older brother flickered his eyes up to his sister’s face for just a moment, but she was distracted watching Kero try to dip the ends of Yue’s plait into the little bowl of butter. The monster could be pretty wise sometimes, for an 11 year old who still wore her hair in two tails and was way too emotionally invested in serial dramas. He could excuse it as some sort of magical intuition, and maybe it had lent her a bit of that insight, but Sakura was also beginning to simply read people pretty well, and had a strong sense of empathy. She might not yet be able to sort of the complexities or emotions she wasn’t old enough to feel, or the pain of mourning, having been too young to really remember their mother’s passing, but it didn’t mean she couldn’t show a deep sense of understanding for another’s pain, or their joy. 

“Yeah, Sakura,” Touya said quietly, in a moment of seriousness free from teasing or mockery. “I think he is, too.”

“Hm…then I’m glad at least that he and Kero are getting along.”

…Touya wasn’t really sure he’d call he’d call threatening to release Firey into their kitchen as “getting along”, but then again, perhaps for them it was. Sakura showed her love through leaving bruises on his shins, so who was he to judge?

Though separated only by a tile countertop and about 8 feet, the night began to feel like the strangest split between two worlds, but in a way Touya couldn’t really describe as being uncomfortable. Sakura chattered away about her plans for her project, with Touya decently sure Tomoyo’s part of the project really shouldn’t involve macramé miniatures. From the kitchen also came mostly silence, though Touya wasn’t exactly making a point to eavesdrop. It would have done him little good anyway, as the pair seemed to have slipped comfortably again into Mandarin. 

He wondered if this strange blend of images- Yue in an old English suit, bickering with his brother in Chinese, had been a common mark of their old home. Touya tried and struggled to conjure up an image of what “home” would have been like for them. Surely no modern kitchen with electric lights and a fridge…or would it? How long was it that Clow had even been dead? But even that aside, he knew Yue and Kero were born in the early 18th century…what was that even like then in…China? England? Where were they even born? Was he supposed to be picturing a Beijing courtyard or…what was England even like in 1709? The date conjured images of powdered wigs and short pants and hoop skirts. No electricity, no cars, no running water, but what had life been LIKE back then?

…It was just difficult, and eerie, to look upon Yue and realize he was almost 300 years old, and that he knew next to nothing about him.

He turned back to take his frustrated emotions out on the balsa wood.

Across the counter, Yue’s thoughts were not terribly unlike Touya’s. He too was looking about him, at this almost-familiar bit of play acting, and felt his age weighing heavily in his chest. Kerbero’s company, his choice of clothing, the scent of strawberries and warm baking, those were all familiar, but it stopped there. His homes had been lit with magic or candlelight or gas lamps, a far weaker glow than the white lights of the kitchen. Back then, he’d be dicing at a scrubbed wooden counter, which would need scrubbing and polishing thoroughly each night, with Bubble’s aid. 

…And Clow would be there too, of course. There were very few days the magician had been apart from his creations, and scarcely for long. Their homes spanned across two continents, a half dozen countries, and 20-odd houses. Some moves were for a change of scenery, or sheer whim, while others had involved more hurried magical disappearances with locals shrieking something about witchcraft at their front door. Anywhere had been home, though, with their Master.

He wondered what he would be doing right now, if they were back home…would he be in the kitchen with them? It was likely. He had eagerly pushed the duty of preparing meals onto Yue once he showed willingness for it (though he was very much not above setting simpler meals out with a time-saving spell instead.) With something this sweet going into the oven though, he could be right at Yue’s side, working with Kero in a tag-team of distraction and pastry-cream thievery.

He could also be in his study, composing a letter, or working on a new Card or some other bit of magic. Yue could almost imagine that was the case, if he tried hard enough. Clow was upstairs, having barricaded himself in his workshop with a quill, 7 pots of ink, spell books and a bottle of wine. Kerberos always teased that Clow’s oddest and most successful spells were usually aided by alcohol, Yue’s own creation included. It was true that Clow was fond of drink, but rarely over-indulged. Clow knew temperance in that manner, if little else. All throughout the day, he knew, he’d have heard Clow’s curses and the inevitable crackling or banging of a spell gone awry, or a small spirit refusing to obey its new Master. By evening, Clow would emerge with singed or waterlogged robes, smelling of oil and parchment and cinders, but his exhaustion would be cast aside as easily as scraps of paper once he was down among his creations, his family.

“My boys,” he would greet them, a soft touch or enthusiastic embrace for them both, even if filthy or sodden…ESPECIALLY when filthy or sodden. They would spend the evening in the gardens, if the weather was pleasant or in the library if it was disagreeable. Outside, Clow would tell stories about the stars, the constellations and all the old myths about the different Gods and Goddesses said to be the sun and moon. Kero would always howl with pride about usually being the primary deity, and his younger brother usually being a woman. More often than not, Clow would join in the teasing, or remind them that both celestial bodies were a part of something far larger…

Yue had always taken that as a reminder, as a precious touchstone to turn about in his mind when feelings of melancholy began to encroach. He was a part of something far larger. He was a beloved creation of Clow Reed himself, the most powerful of men to walk the earth. A magician who bent nature, who could will his desires into physical form, who harnessed the Sun and the Moon in a way no other witch every could…and Yue was a part of that. If He was moon and Kero was sun, it seemed to Yue that Clow himself was the vast expanse of universe within which he existed. Clow was everything to him, that had ever been, or could ever be…

Yue would have laid his head to Clow’s lap as he grew tired, while Kerberos would be warming his belly before the fire. On the coldest of winter nights, all three of them would crawl into Clow’s bed, a tangle of limbs and fur fighting for space and blankets but unwilling to sacrifice warmth for space in their own beds.

“Yué?” Kero’s voice lilted his name, growing use to the tone stresses of their current tongue. “Whatcha thinkin bought? You went all spacey there for a second.”

He could lie…that would be the easiest solution, but Kero would know. Saying it was nothing, or unimportant, would get him to stop questioning, but it would only come round to bite him later, he knew. Kerberos could be as stubborn as he was if he wanted to be, but usually his passive laziness kept that compulsion in check.

Instead, Yue whisked the butter and sugar together and simply replied, “Clow.”

“…Me too,” Kero nodded, swiping a bit of the spilled sugar. “He’d be stealing all the strawberries, and you’d leave all of them off of his slice to teach him a lesson.”

“Which he never learned,” Yue reminded him boldly. “He would pick at all the ingredients until there was nothing left to prepare anything with…or he’d be working.”

Kero nodded. “Yeah, and we’d be at his door at like 11 o’clock at night whining at him to knock off the racket so we could sleep.”

He was prone to that too. All nighters, two days or more with no sleep, flinging himself into a mania by the end of it; powerful as he may be, Clow still had to work at his craft, same as any other mage or witch. 

By moonrise, there was a tart chilled and being neatly sliced onto nice plates, Sakura had a proud display to bring to school the next day and Touya was trying to pick streaks of craft glue out of the crevices of his nails and hands.

“You better get top marks on that, monster,” he grumbled as Sakura walked by; she stuck out her tongue, carrying her display with well-earned pride.

“You should run your hand under cold water,” Yue advised blandly as he placed a plate softly on the table in front of Touya. Another, no less generous, was sat in front of Kerberos, who squealed his delight and brandished his spoon like a baton. “The paste will peel off easier.”

Touya nodded vaguely, and picked up his own fork. “Hope this turns out better than your disaster last night. Pretty sure the sink’s still backed up.”

Yue stood primly, one hand at his waist, and stared coolly at Touya as he sampled the spoils of the evening’s labor. When he paused only to glance back up at Yue’s passive, waiting face before taking another bite, Yue just nodded primly, and turned back to the kitchen, muttering something that sounded rather like a prissy, “thought so.”

Touya pursed his lips and gave his shoulders an uppity, prim shake, mocking Yue’s posture behind his back, and damned if Yue didn’t have another set of eyes under all that hair, because he turned in an instant to glare his displeasure right back.

“Yueee! I want another piece!” Kero demanded. He scooped his completely spotless plate up to bring to his brother, begging for it to be filled again.

“So,” Touya ventured as he still savored his first portion. “Is this how Yuki knows how to cook?” he asked around a bite of cream. 

“What do you mean?” replied Yue as he divvied out a (considerably smaller) slice of pastry; Touya had to call over Kero’s audible whining to be heard.

“I mean,” he clarified, “you don’t suck at cooking. Baking, at least, and it’s not like Yuki really…well, had anyone to teach him. So I thought maybe…”

Touya wouldn’t be able to read the subtle changes in Yue’s body language, but Kero could. He bit into a strawberry with relish, but kept a careful eye on Yue all the same as he fixed a plate for their young Mistress as well. Her big brother may have the same astute intuition that Sakura herself was developing, but Touya was still getting use to replying on his human senses without the aid of his magic, and even then, Yue had the careful, measured movements of a performer, like a dancer or a geisha who knew how much emotion could be conveyed through the slightest change of expression or graze of an arm. It was another window in, one that Yue kept as heavily draped as all his others.

It wasn’t impenetrable though. Even the thickest, most attentively designed curtains couldn’t hide a smoldering house fire.

“Yukito needed to knew how to take care of himself,” Yue said almost carelessly. “So yes, there was some knowledge given to him before his ‘birth’, but no, Touya, I did not teach him. He doesn’t go about cooking the same way I do. Besides, he knew how to use an electric stove, how to work a modern washer, and a computer. I wouldn’t have had those skills.”

Touya hadn’t thought of that. He cleaned the last flakes of pastry off his plate, mulling around new questions. “So then, you didn’t…you know…make Yuki?”

Yue gusted out a breath that Touya could almost say was at least some form of laughter, even if it was derisive. “Hardly. I may be a sorcerer of sorts in my own right; I can cast simple spells, like my glamour, and small bits of conjuring, but a construct cannot make a construct, no matter how powerful.”

“It would be like a little kid left in charge of another little kid. In a realistic sense, it just can’t happen. Summoning the Card’s spirits or small, will-less sprites is one thing. Crating a living creature is another.”

Touya knew he shouldn’t try venturing this far, but he couldn’t help it. “So did Clow make him?”

There went Yue’s posture again; just a small shake to his hand and his back arching just a fraction, but Kero could see it. He answered for his brother, “Yeah, seems like it. Clow’s a master puppeteer, after all, and would have known what life would be like now. He’d want Yuki to know how to survive on his own, since his family wasn’t real.”

That part was still something hard for Touya to grasp. He had long suspected something about Yukito’s living arrangement was…odd. They were 16 when they met, and it seemed weird that the Tsukishiro’s would leave their teenage grandson home alone for so long. But to think no one by their names had even existed…who paid for the house? The utilities? How specific were Yukito’s memories? Did he ever “see” them?

“…He seems to be dealing with that alright,” he said instead, shoving the other swirling queries aside. “But it’s still hard to think about…I figured he was more like Nakuru.”

“That his ignorance of his inhuman status was an act?” Yue supplied, and Touya nodded. “No, nothing like that, obviously. Indeed, Ruby’s false form is hardly a true disguise. It’s nothing but an over glorified glamour that she can’t even seem to lift on her own accord!”

“…Bitter much, Yue?” Touya snarked, unable to keep a grin off his face. “I sense a rivalry, I think.”

“Naaaw, Yue’s still just sore at her choppin at his hair,” replied the sun beast. “Yue, Can I have another?”

“You may not, and I am NOT.” And he wasn’t. But it didn’t prevent him from self-consciously tucking the shorter loose lock back into his coil. “Ruby and Spinnel can’t even return to their true forms on their own. Say what you want about my dependency on Clow, but at least I have THAT much control over my own form.”

“You’re cranky,” Kero observed with a wise nod of his head. “You’d feel better if you gave me more tart.”

“I’m not giving you more tart, you great, greedy thing,” Yue glared, and Kero’s own face turned sour.

“Why not.”

“Because you’ve had two slices already and it’s impolite.”

“You’re impolite,” Kero returned, and Yue scoffed that his retort made no sense.

Putting his empty plate into the sink rack, Touya decided it didn’t matter if he couldn’t picture what an 18th century Chinese garden or Victorian drawing room looked like; surely this, the bickering, the cursing, the cold aloof Yue being knocked time and time again by Kero’s whining was what had been the true mark of the Reed home.

In any case, he would much rather see Yue in a fit at Kero than at him. And frankly he didn’t care if that feeling was “impolite.”


	10. Chapter 10

There was a rainstorm coming; Yue could feel it, even before the deep plumb and violet and gray clouds began to gather on the horizon. Water was his element, and rain, cyclic in nature, so a summer storm was a source of wonderful magical energy for him. He inhaled deeply, wanting to catch the first scent of rain, but yet smelled only grass and earth, comforting scents in their own right. 

After their dessert, Kero had dragged the four outside to enjoy the July evening, arguing that he'd promised to make Sakura practice her new cheerleading routine, which may have been true, but Yue also had the suspicion he didn't want Yue to send himself back to sleep yet. He'd noticed the entire evening that, though Kerberos still fluttered about like he had a fidgeting issue as ever, he seemed to be considering Yue his home base, and kept floating back to him to sit on his shoulder, his head, poke his cheek, just...touch him. Yue couldn't say he hated his efforts, even. Perhaps he was the only one who felt awkward over what had happened the night before, with his sobbing fit. His elder brother seemed fine as ever, just more affectionate. And by affectionate he meant obnoxious, but it was all the same for Kerberos.

So, they had made themselves comfortable in the back garden, the air cooling but the grass beneath them still sun-warmed as Sakura nervously began to show off a new twirling routine.

"They're giving you more advanced ways to knock yourself in the head," was Touya's idea of a compliment as he reclined back on his elbows, and Kero had to dive sideways to avoid Sakuras poorly aimed baton retaliation. He smirked, reaching over to toss it back to her, which she managed to catch with barely a glance as she continued to shout her tirade at Touya.

Yue was impressed; not so much with her routine, as he wasn't sure he understood what it was suppose to look like and thus couldn't form a true opinion, but at how quickly his little Mistress could go from clumsy, awkward 11 year old to a young sorceress with glimmers of true intuition and reflexes. She was fast, athletic, and would grow into her roll as Mistress of the Clow the same way she would grow into an adult, a priviledge even Clow did not have.

Another deep breath, searching for the first tinge of water in the air, ears pricked for thunder, but his senses were again disappointed. Still, he couldn't say the evening was...unpleasant. He had again changed his clothes as they went outside, just a quick shimmer and he wore a pale green robe, light, gauzy cotton with silver stitching around the throat. Another foreign design, Touya had noticed, wondering if a summer yukata may have been cooler, but knowing better than to suggest. Yue, in the few times he had seen him in anything but his formal white and armor, had yet to wear anything modern or Japanese, seeming to prefer what was familiar. Yue, he supposed, like anyone else far from home, wanting a connection to his heritage...especially now. 

It was quiet right now, down this small street, which Yue again appreciated. Clow had died in an era well past cars, electricity, airplanes and the like, but their home had been country living still; they always lived far from the cities when they could help it, and such conveniences had not been nearly as widespread 40 years ago in the outskirts of Tomoeda. Yue liked it most when the city quieted at night, families home, radios down. It felt more like what he knew and, like that night in the window seat, he could almost pretend he was home...England would suit this garden more fully, or Wales. While Yukito's house was traditional, Sakura's was Western, and Yue could daze out here, it seemed...

)o(

"Kerberos, this game isn't fair in the summer!" Yue complained moodily as his twin cried out "FOUND YOU!" and pounced upon the younger, hiding behind a shrub of bridal wreaths. He had hopes their spilling bundles of white blossoms would provide the best camouflage for his silver hair and light clothes, but his brothers sharp eyes couldn't be fooled so easily.

"Yeah, so what?" Kero laughed, sitting back on his haunches and twitching his tale merrily. "Its not fair for me in winter, so it's all even, ain't it?"

Yue scowled, brushing the dirt from his loose, linen trousers and tossing his hair haughtily back over his shoulder. Kerberos noted he had taken to wearing it more elaborately than his usual, half loose to his waist and then braided to the floor. No, lately, he had risen early to twist braids or loops or gathered bunches up around his face, or to coil it several times near his neck, securing it with lacquered pins or silk ribbons. The effect seemed too time consuming for Kero, but rather pretty, he had to admit. Whatever kept it off the ground so they could play was just as good for Kerberos, honestly, though he was starting to have small suspicions he didn't know if he ought to voice...

"Hmph," Yue scowled, folding his arms as though in a sulk. "Its too nice out to be squabbling over a game anyway; we should do something we BOTH want to do." Which was Yue-speak for, I am a sore loser and don't want to play this game anymore.

"You're just cranky cause Clow's been gone for 3 days," Kerberos threw back even though he knew it was a low blow. It was a full moon just a few days ago, so Yue's magic wasn't faltering with the absence of their maker, but it still made him moody. Clow often said the moonlight wove a basket for Yue each month, a chalice inside him to fill with Clows magic, and the more moonlight, the more power he could hold. But with Clow off in town for business, the space between them allowed magic to "spill," leaving Yue feeling as strong as he needed to be, but in a way, spiritually hungry. Clow was the foundation to which Yue put his orbit. The further he was, the fainter the pull, leaving Yue feeling spacey, ungrounded and, if one listened to Kerberos, pissy. He needed Clow nearby to feel the full benefits of his magic.

Fine, whatever. Kero had a belly full of supper and a warm evening to play, he didn't care what. 

"Fine, race you up the oak tree!" Kero cried, and began bounding up the great sweeping field in front of them, Yue right at his tail with his hair swaying behind him. Though the property was littered with oaks, and spruce, cottonwoods and willows, they both knew which he was talking about; a massive, gnarled thing by the pond, its trunk broad, high branches as thick around as Kerberos's full belly, and perfect for climbing.

Kerberos was faster than Yue, with four paws and a lower center of gravity, but his stocky build made maneuvering a slower ordeal, which is where lithe Yue had the advantage as they cut through the orchard. While Kero lumbered about, trying to quickly shift his beastly forms weight, Yue slipped between the trees like smoke, his muscles coiling to spring in anticipation of each turn and swerve; this is how he came out ahead from the apple trees, sprinting easily across the wild grass to the large, clear pond and reaching the base of the great, spiraling tree first.

Kerberos was again at an advantage, though, his dagger-like claws digging into the bark ferociously, allowing him to haul his previously detrimental weight skyward. They both knew where to head for; the highest branch that they could both reach; Yue, being lighter, could go further, but Kero could reach only a limb about 40 feet off the ground, forked to allow him a place to lay and dangling over the crisp water of the pond.

"You're doing this on purpose!" Yue cried, as Kero leapt onto the branch he knelt on with more force than was necessary, causing the bough to sway and Yue to grasp onto it precariously. 

"No duh!" Kerberos called back behind him, a flurry of bark flying behind his massive paws. Kerberos won their game easily, which Yue pretended to be angry about, as they two shared the bent seat of a branch to catch their breaths, and for Yue to let the breeze dry the sweat from his bangs.

"If you guard me with the ferocity you use against one another, I sleep easy knowing I'm in safe hands"

Both guardians looked down immediately to the sound of their Masters voice, calling up to them from the edge of the pond.

"Clow!" Yue breathed back instantly, and slipping forward from the bough, calling his wings as he cleared the heavier branches to drift gently to the ground. "I thought you weren't due back until tomorrow?"

Clow hadn't yet changed from his traveling clothes, though he'd stripped off his outer jacket in the heat. "I wasn't," he said, with a hint of grouchiness in his voice. "But the man I went to see about the roots I ordered left town, apparently realizing his new customer was indeed Chinese and knew when he was trying to pass off dried grass as foreign herbs" He shook his head, and took his glasses off to polish absently. "And so, I am home early, and glad for it."

"We're glad too!" Kerberos called up from high in his perch. "Yue tried making pastries again last night and nearly set the kitchen aflame!"

Yue drew his hand back in an instant, a glowing ball of crystalline light forming in his palm as he glowered up at his twin. Before he could strike though, Clow took his wrist gently in his hand.

"No, Yue, just let him be," his Master said with a warm smile, and Yue could tell he was trying not to laugh. As the energy receded from Yue's hand, Clow replaced it with his own, with his touch, taking Yue's hand between both of his.

From his perch, Kerberos couldn't see Closes face, but he could see Yue's, glowing brightly pink against the green backdrop of grass as Clow took his hand. Even from here, through their link, he could feel Yue's heart begin to beat faster, and if Clow couldn't as well, he was an ignorant, inattentive fool. Kero sat up a little taller, back straighter, and his tail stilled but for the long furred tip, twitching silently beneath him. Hm. That's exactly where his suspicions had been heading, yes.

"Yue, you know Kerberos doesn't stand a chance against you in a temper," Clow said, still laughing beneath his words. "You're a fine cook; baking is harder. You're only 14; I couldn't put a dinner together till I was 23."

"But you were born as an infant and I as an adult!" Yue argued, still licking the wounds of his hurt pride. He watched Clow's blue eyes crinkle even further, saw the laughter bubbling behind them, and felt his own chest tighten.

Clow wasn't so sure about that. While his creations had indeed been born into adult bodies, able to converse, walk, run, tend themselves, they'd both possessed a wonderfully aggravating blend of adult knowledge and childish temperament. It took only a few lessons to teach Yue good habits to wash himself well, but another year before they stopped trying to drown one another in the bath. Kero whined often, tattled daily, while Yue could still be prone to childish fits of temper when things didn't go his way. Grown, yes, but hardly adults. Clow would never have trusted them alone in the house like this when they were first born. Gods, they're 14 and 15, surely grown NOW, and he still expected to come home to holes in the wall!

But Clow said none of this to his younger creation. He only squeezed his hand, promised another lesson, and pressed a welcoming kiss to his brow, up into his hair, and left to go have a long, weary soak.

Once again, Kero could only see Clows back, but he could see Yue's face, filled with adoration, with hope, as he watched Clow walk back up to their manor.

Through the trees, the blowing wind continued to cool, and they caught scent of a brewing moisture in the air; there was rain coming.

)o(

"There's rain coming," Yue said softly, seeing the first glimmer of lightning, softened greatly in the dense fluff of storm cloud.

Rain was cyclic. It fell, it brought life and lushness to the ground, it broiled in the sun to return to the clouds, again to fall. Sometimes gently in small spatters, sometimes with a dangerous force, but it was always the same. 

Yue had to wonder, as he was the lat to rise to head inside for shelter,if this storm brought with it any waters from home.


	11. Chapter 11

A week passed since the last evening Yue visited, leaving the Kinomoto family torn between wondering if they had scared him off somehow, and enjoying the warmest weeks of summer with Yukito before heading back to school. Sakura spent her days dragging Kero with her and Tomoyo to the beach, where he was quick to perfect his “water toy” impression while he and the girls worked to create him a working sandcastle without the use of magic; only once had the structure collapsed upon him, and he considered it just a day in the harrowing life of a great and powerful king.

Touya was still getting use to having a job that lasted more than a couple of weeks, no longer needed to bop all over town to keep tabs on his monster sister, and Yukito was…fluctuating. He could wake up as chipper as ever, suggesting a picnic lunch in the park, or a romantic evening with his boyfriend, only to grow quickly disillusioned with his own ideas fairly quickly. It wasn’t difficult, though, to understand what was wrong; once one discovers they are a living mask, a façade to hide an ancient mythical being and the vast majority of your lfie never happened, other problems seem to sort of pale in comparison. Touya could make a pretty good guess that it wasn’t summer homework that had Yukito looking so uncharacteristically depressed. More like, it was pinpointing what aspect of Yukito’s issues were chanelling his other selfs attitude right now.

“I don’t really know if it’s any one thing, To-ya,” Yukito said with a bittersweet smile as he tried to talk to him one evening. “Its just…its been about 4 months since I found out, and sometimes its still like I’m in shock, I suppose. I guess its like how, some people, when they find out they have an illness, and they only have a few months to live? They still find themselves planning a Christmas vacation.”

Touya grimaced at such a morbid comparison. “Yuki, you’re not dying, not anymore. For all we know, you’re gonna live forever.”

“…yes. And with how well that’s turned out for Yue, I’m not sure I’d like that, Touya,” Yuki said, with a sad, almost apologetic smile, as though wishing he didn’t have to have this conversation with his Touya. He was known as optimistic, ever-cheerful, positive…but lately he felt like he wasn’t living up to his own reputation. He didn’t feel depressed, only…melancholy, at times, which he supposed was understandable, but…

“I don’t really think I like the idea of living forever, Touya. Its like those thought excercises we’d have to do in literature class, remember? The downside of being a vampire or a monster or something that didn’t die?”

Touya nodded quietly, letting Yukito guide this conversation. Yeah, he remembered, it was basic arguments in pop culture by now. Being immortal seemed so great, never dying, never fearing death, staying young and strong…but you’d see the world change, see it fall to disaster, see your culture die out, watching your mortal friends and family die…no, he didn’t think he would like that either, but then…

“The sponge seems happy, and he’s, what, almost 300 years old?” Touya tried to be a bit more optimistic, he too not use to a changing role.

It was a warm afternoon in the Kinomoto living room, and such despondant talk seemed out of place for a hot August day, heavy once more with the promise of rain.

“Perhaps,” Yukito agreed easily, “but it’s obviously not for Yue, is it? I…Touya, you say he’s kinda cold…but I think theres more to it than that.”

“Wha’dyou mean?” 

Yukitos warm brown eyes seem to unfocus for a moment, as though searching not just for words, but for a feeling, digging through his mind for a half-forgotten dream.

“I mean,” he finally says slowly,” I think he’s…sad. I mean, I know that’s obvious; you said he really misses that Reed guy, the one who started all this, made him…us, I suppose. But when anyone says his name, and I’m me? …it hurts, Touya, its almost like I’m feeling him.”

…This was so not Touyas jurisdiction, and honestly, the idea that his Yukito would feel even a fraction of Yue’s anger, his sorrow, his bitterness…he didn’t like that. He was beginning to understand Yue, a tiny bit, and empathize with his situation as best one COULD empathize with such a…strange arrangement, but that didn’t mean he wanted that to seep over to Yukito…Yue was right, this…wasn’t fair, for either of them.

“…if you’re feeling anything from Yue, then, yeah, it’s not going to be positive, if anyones talking about Clow Reed.”

Yukitos eyes widened slightly, his brows furrowing.

“But…why? Was he unkind? He seems strange, maybe a bit morally gray, but-“

“No, no, nothing like that,” Touya said, shifting in his seat. Honestly he didn’t feel like he had much a right to be talking about this man, but…”No, it’s more like…the opposite…” God, what was it Yue had screamed at him that night, after their…issue?

“I gave myself to Clow- what makes you think I’d ever give myself to YOU?” 

The biting insult hidden in that remark aside, he learned more about Yue in that one statement than he had before. He gave himself to Clow…so he and the magician had been lovers? How did that work with something Clow himself had made? Was there any kind of…magical taboo about that?

“I…I think he and Clow Reed were a thing. Or at the least, he loved him,” Touya said, still feeling like he had no business gossiping any more than this. This was Yue's private affairs, that he’d shared with him only through a tongue slip in anger. 

Yukito seemed to take a moment to think that over, a little surprised, but also, not at all. It seemed like it felt right, why Yue's pain was so strong at the mention of his name that it could pass between the two of them...he didn't like that feeling, though. He hadn't told this to Touya yet, but he almost felt like he was getting...flashes, glimpses, from his other self. He'd be in the kitchen cooking on the electric stove and swear he could smell a coal fire, but only for a moment. He'd be watching a foreign film and zone out, ignoring the subtitles, yet somewhow swear he still knew what was going on. And of course, there was that pang in his chest, whenever Kerberos mentioned Clow Reed, which he seemed wont to do more often than usual these days, though, honestly, Yukito only had a few months of comparison. It was usually a feeling of nostalgia, the smells, the sounds, the briefest flashes of black hair or white feathers as he woke, barely enough to recall...but when Clows name was heard, it HURT. Lovers? Yes...he supposed that would be enough to cause this sort of knife to twist in his chest, for a man who he barely knew existed.

"I guess...its just hard for me to understand. Even in my false memories, my parents were gone before I can remember them...I've never lost anyone to an actual death before..."

"Its just wierd, with this guy though," Tpuya said contemplatively. "I mean...he only died in the 60's, but he was born in like, the 1400's I think, or 1300s, I don't know, he's old...so its more like reading about someone in a history book. It's hard to think of him as a real person, who had family and people still around to mourn for him, you know? And I mean...I was only ten when my mom died, and that...that hurt bad enough, but at the same time, I only knew her for 10 years...Yue knew Clow for two centuries-"

"It doesn't matter how long you're with someone you love, Touya-kun. Its still hard."

Touyas face fell slightly; he forgot his dad was home today, on a Sunday. 

"Were you listening in?" Touya asks, casting a glance at Yukito, looking for any sign that Yue was offended at an eavesdropper, but Yuki didn't seem to react badly in any way.

His father smiled apologetically, setting down his coffee cup as he took a seat. 

"Forgive me. It's just...you know this is all still as new and confusing to me as it is you, if not moreso. I had no idea any of this was going on until this spring. Trust me; if I hadn't been seeing this all with my own eyes, I'd have gotten the lot of you mental help" he finished with a forced laugh, trailing off with a long pull from his cup.

"I'm sorry, dad...it's just wierd," he said vaguely, not trying to be evasive, but just because...yeah, it was wierd. He just hoped his dad hadn't been listening earlier, when they were discussing the floundering of their love life that night...

Fujitaka nodded knowingly, still not sure he was ready to be having these kinds of conversations with his son; not the magical sort, the relationship sort.

"It's...Touya, Yukito-kun, you two know I love you, and you have my blessing. You're adults now, young men, starting an actual relationship for the first time-" he noticed Yukito sit anxiously stiff, like an embarassed middle schooler, and Touya roll his eyes.

"Dad, come on, we were talking magic, not sex," he joked, to try and divert the awwkard feeling in the room, but Fukitaka just snorted into his coffee, and shook his head.

"I'm not talking about that; I honestly hope you're well past the age I need to have that talk with you. No, it's just...I don't, by any means, want to invalidate what you two have, because you're in love, and anyone can see that. But your relationship is new, and you're still so young...it's going to be hard for you to understand what its like, to be a grown adult, and to lose a partner."

Touya istened quietly, wondering whaere his dad was going with this, and Fujitaka shifted slightly, suddenly aware that his audience was actually attentive.

"Yukito-kun...I've known you since you first move he-aaah, um...since...for three years now, and I know as well as anyone that you're more grown than any young man your age ought to be"

That much was true, they both thought. Yukito was taking care of himself, raising himself, since he was mentally and emotionally 15 years old. True, it seemed a certain someone had left him a remarkable sum of money, a paid-for house, took care of the bills in advance till Yukito was 18 years old, but still, he'd enrolled hismelf in school, made himself study, cooked, cleaned, took care of the home, all since he was 15...

"However, theres a maturity in life that only comes from experience," Fujitaka continued, a vague sadness starting to color his face. "If what you said is true, about...Yukitos other self, and Clow Reed, then its no use trying to understand. Losing a partner is something you can't compare anythign to, just, Touya, as losing a parent is. They're both hard, they're both a pain that doesn't really go away, but they're also vastly different in terms of what you've lost...if you're feeling pain at his name, Yukito-kun, that would be it"

Yukito was quiet, as was Touya, not really sure what to say. Touya, at the least, could empathize, with the loss of his mother, but Yukito? He somehow doubted his grandparents counted as a way to try and reach out and empathize with his other self...it was amazing, really, how distnat he could feel from Yue, despite sharing a body.

)o(

Yue had heard their conversation; at least, most of it. He had a tendency to try and keep himself as distant as possible these days, when it involved Yukito and his love. It was too akward, and too painful...he listened though, with a slightly grateful ear, at the words of the mistresses father. He seemed like an intelligent, wise, compassionate man, even if Yue was still ashamed of the whole kitchen disaster a week ago...

Yue, too, was well aware of the...leaks, starting to spring in the wall between himself and Yukito, and honestly, it was something that fille dhim with dread. He didn't want to be open to Yukito the way Yukito was open to him; Yukito was the mask and he, Yue, the true persona, how could the fates expect him to share almost 300 years of his life?

...dying had not scared him, not really, but this did. At least when he'd been dying, he had the comfort of becoming the moonlight again, of being unbound...or, perhaps, of beng with Clow again...

)o(  
Summer in 1723 was early, abrupt, and brutal in southern China, and the Reed household felt it fully. No one could sleep past dawn, as the earliest beams of sunlight began to scorch the air outside and seep through their windows and curtains. Kerberos felt it first, having a room facing east and being covered, as he was, with a thick golden fur. It was so early in the year, only early May, that his coat hadn't even finished shedding yet; he awoke once again with large clumps half-worked out of his fur, dry, dense patches that would need bitten or brushed out. He would bribe Yue into combing him through later.

Said brother awoke soon after, across the hall in his own room, a sweaty tangle of linen sheets and a damp braid. Yue was a morning person by duty and choice, not by nature, and even a crisp, autumn dawn would find the younger brother padding out of his room grumpy, cranky, and replying to Kerberos's chipper morning with only low grumbles.

Finally was the Master of the home, Clow, who had made the mistake of sleeping with his window open, to welcome the nights breeze. What blew through his drawn bedcurtains now, though felt more like the billows from the oven, and it was only past 8. He had slept only in his drawers, at least, hair tied in a high ponytail to keep it off his neck, but it had done him little good; it had to be in the 80's already, and would surely be 100 by noon.

Breakfast was cold by necessity; fruit, jam, milk and honey, put together by a more begrudging than usual Yue, who had eschewed both loose hair tied at his waist or elaborate, ornate coils, and had instead braided his long mess of hair tightly, then doubled up the length to keep it both off the ground and off his neck.

"Summer does not agree with you, my Yue," Clow smiled at him, the same words he always chuckled to his companion on the first hot day of the year. It was true, though; with dominion over water, wind, ice, snow and the night, Yue did NOT like the heat of summer; milder months were one of the few thoughts keeping him from already feeling homesick for China. Come September, they would be moving to England, a return home for Kerberos, and a first time travel for Yue, who had been born in Beijing and never left the country in his 11 years. Though he would miss his homeland, he looked forward to mists, denser fog, cooler summers, and more frequent snow. He had a feeling his ruling cards would enjoy the change of climate as well.

Yue brushed damp bangs out of his eyes, picked at a few strawberries for the pleasant taste, and was more quiet than usual over the meal, owing to his discomfort. He and Clow both wore lightly woven tunics over loose pants, dyed pale blue for Yue, and a gold and brown pattern for Clow, yet even with only one thin layer on, it threatened to cling to their skin as the temperature rose steadily. And poor Kero, Yue found himself thinking for once, whose back paw was clawing at his side, trying to dislodge clumps of fluff.

"Not at the table, Kerberos," he still said with disdain, watching pale golden hairs begin to waft trough the air, threatening their masters breakfast. Clow nodded his agreement, though more sympathetically, as he covered his mug with a broad hand.

"Yue, you'll help brush him out this morning, won't you?" he asked kindly in an easily recognized voice. Their master rarely gave actual orders or commands, saving such a tone only when needed (generally to bark at his children to knock it OFF and be QUIET for ten God damned minutes and to stop trying to kill one another. But also to make sure they completed their lessons and did their chores, especially kerberos) but he did often make use of these supposedly gentle suggestions. Would you might, Yue, could you please, Kero, when there is time, I would like...Yue didn't mind at all; the tone, not as much the task, but then, it was his nature to want to please Clow. To be sure, he could be as sneaky as his older brother. They both knew how to tell a half-truth when their Master asked for an answer to avoid a full lie, and he too had before been guilty of taking a direction too literally to avoid a truly unwanted task, but his threshold for pulling those tricks was far deeper than Kerberos's. Yue generally valued Clow's comfort and happiness above his own, though that was sort of a paradox; making Clow happy, in turn, made Yue happy. He was moon, pulled by the earth and warmed by the sun, it was only natural for him...

Which was exactly why he kept his secrets locked up so tight.

Yue grimaced as he peered over at his lionine brothers fluffing coat, but nodded. 

"I'll help him shed, but if I do so, I'm not making dinner," he said with a bit of a cold bite to his voice, and Clow had to hide his smile behind his mug. His Yue's temper was charming, really, in the ways he chose to show his fangs.

Yue did as was asked, spending the morning on the back lawn underneath the shade of a gnarled oak tree, alternating between brushing stuck clumps of pale fur from his brothers sides, to smacking him sharply with it for not holding still, or for whining too loudly, which in turn earned him nips to his wrists and ankles.

This was as common and calm a day as ever in the Reed household. While the heat may be boiling away patience as easily as water, it merely acted to extrapolate what was already there. Though 15 and 14 years old now, and well beyond the childish tantrums and fits of their early years, they were still just as likely to pull hair and tails as they were to curl up by the fire together for a nap. Their Master had long grown use to such behavior, realizing it was something they simply were not going to grow out of. Hardly a week could go by without Yue crying about a burn or clawmark or being pushed into the fish pond, while Kero's torture usually came in the form of chillies in his soup or trod-upon tails.

They were polar opposites in temper and disposition as much as magic, and Clow loved them both so dearly for it.

As the sun reached its highest peek, and then began its slow bow through the sky, the brothers, one now freshly groomed and the other itchy with lion fur, had taken refuge in the cool, shaded waters of the pond. Whatever work their Master was doing up in his stuffy attic could surely be done without them, they had conspired quietly; outside was hot, but at least there was a breeze and cool, clear water to comfort them. 

Kerberos was understandbaly cautious though, as they climbed the oaks thick branches that hung over the water, preparing to jump in. Water was Yue's element, and his younger brother had spent 2 hours brushing and cursing him; if he was going to make them even, a swim was ALWAYS the perfect way to do so. They both stared evenly at each other from joining boughs, Yue's clothes long since tossed off and looking like a wild thing, naked in a tree in an almost hunter-like crouch.

"Come on Yue, you know all I'd have to do is take a jump towards you and you'd fall right out!" Kero laughed, coiling his haunches as though threatening to pounce. Yue's eyes narrowed at the challenge, yet he deftly reached for a branch to hold onto; Kero weighed 4 times what he did, easily, and his sheer bruteish form is how he usually won these games of chicken. Yue may have a bipedal body and opposable thumbs, but he wasn't much a match for his brothers strength. However, he was also the more prideful of the two and never backed from a challenge.

Which is why Kerberos was momentarily baffled when he saw Yue's eyes widen, and watched him quickly dive from the tree and into the clear water below.

"Hey, what did you...are there wasps? Oh my God I bet theres wasps!" Kero cried out, recalling a bad afternoon last summer, and quickly tumbled in after the moon, albeit far less gracefully, but with a far more impressive splash.

"-ore water outside the pond than in, boys!" came a familiar, warm laughter, a half-caught setnece as Kero paddled back up to the surface.

"Hey old man, didn't expect to see you out here!" called the sun, swimming lazily over near the shore, where Clow stood with bare feet dipping into the cool, wet mud.

Clow chuckled, unbinding his long, black hair and shaking it out to ruffle dry in the gentle breeze, before swooping it back up into a twisted knit at the back of his head, a sure indication that he planned to join them for an afternoon swim.

"I was watching youtwo from my study window and remembered something very important," he said lightly, giving his ribbon a sharp tug.

"Yeah? And whats that?" Kero asked.

"I abhor working when I know my two lazy guardians are enjoying themselves in the sunshine" he chirped happily, and Kero let himself sink dramatically, blowing bubbles in the water through his nose.

"We're the lazy ones, Clow? You probably smell more like wine and tea cakes than you do ink and glue right now," Kerberos accused, paddleing idly as Clow began to pull his linen tunic over his head to toss aside. "Right, Yue?"

But when he turned to look to his left wher his brother had landed a few moments ago, he wasn't there. it took a moment to find him, his pale, lily skin and silvery hair flowing into the reflective sparkles on the water, hiding him quite well, especially over by those tall water reeds he seemed to be...hiding behind?

Kero eyed his brother oddly for a long moment as Clow stripped from his pants and drawers, folding them haphazardly over a rock, and as Kero watched Yue, Yue watched their maker. Or rather, alternated between quick glances and shameful looks away. A deep pink hue spread across his cheeks, as though he were flushed or feverish, and neither made sense; he should be cooling in the pond, and Yue didn't fall ill like a human body did, not in the same ways...So why was he turning so many odd colors and acting bashf...oh. Oooh.

Add this incident to the growing list of reasons why Kerberos was growing worried over his brothers well being over the past year. 

"Gods the waters cold!" Clow shuddered, just over knee deep in the water and already looking like he wanted to backpeddle out. Kero teased that he was being a wuss, and even Yue would just jump in like it was nothing.

"Yue," Clow tossed back, yet took another step forward, "Has ice and snow under his command. I'm sure he's very much as home in a frozen bath...where are you, Yue?"

Kero watched intently as Yue peered out from behind his covering of stalks and weeds, before taking a small breath and slipping soundlessly below the waters surface.

This was peaceful, thought Yue, as the crisp, cool water lapped over his heated face. The sounds abvove him were muffled, hearing only the tinkling sounds of splashing and limbs churning the water. He didn't know why, but for some reason, the underwater sound of sprinkling water always made him think of diamonds or gemstones, pale pink and blue and lavendar, twinkling and chiming against one another. This was peaceful, couldn't he stay under here? Where he was weighless and cocooned in his element? Where he didn't have to face Clow, bare as they both were, and risk turning the color of hot coals?

The moon guardian, however, was made in the image of mortal men, and thus needed air as much as anyone else did. He broke the waters surface, took a deep breath, and shook his weat bangs from his eyes.

"There you are!" Clows gentle voice reached him as the water left his ears. He scrubbed his hands over his violet eyes, wanting to prolong having to open them, but it bought him only about 4 beleveable seconds before he had to finally look.

Gods, Clow was painfully handsome. Kero's splashing had finally drenched their master, despite him being not even chest deep in the water yet, the short, loose strands of his hair coming lose from his knot and sticking to his face, other strands looping free in back from the confines of his tie. Clows skin was darker than his own, the tanned olive color of his mothers own, complimenting his black hair and dark lashes, wet with sweet mineral water, framing dark blue eyes.

Yue tried SO damned hard not to watch the fat drops of water run down his face, down his long neck, onto his chest, his strong arms. Clow's body was taller and broader than his own, hints of sinuous muscle visible beneath his rich skin, but without the bulk of manual labor. Clow swam, he gardened, he enjoyed being outside with his creations, but he used magic for his more arduous tasks, for the heaviest lifting. Its why his hands had callouses only at the fingertips, and where he held his pens and charcoal.

Yue knew he was turning pink again, and PRAYED he could wipe across his brow and pass it off as being flushed from the heat. He just couldn't bare the idea that Clow could ever find out what he'd been hiding deep in his heart over the past year; he was already sure his older brother was growing suspicious and that was bad enough.

"Whats the matter, Yue? Forgot how to swim?" Clow teased, watching Yue stand flat on the ponds bottom with a concerned look marring his face. Broken from his trance, Yue shook his head as though clearing his mind.

"Hardly. I just don't want to get too far away from you, or tempt you out too far, lest you drown," he found himself saying carelessly, turning his nose up slightly. His heart just ached at the devilish grin that spread across Clows face, followed by a look of mock insult.

"Are you saying I'm a poor swimmer?" he asked Yue, hand reaching up to clutch his chest.

Yue pursed his lips to keep a cool face, to keep from smiling, as he tossed his braid over his shoulder and took one small step backwards.

"Well, I'm sorry Clow, but you and Kerberos are far too earth and sun oriented; I watch you two flail around in the water as though you're only somehow accidently managing to keep your heads above the surface." shit shit what was he saying.

Clow looked sidelong at Kerberos, who had doggy paddled over to his makers side to share in his conspiratory attitude.

"Did you hear that, Kerberos? Little Yue is insulting our honor," Clow said solemnly, and Kero nodded.

"Yeah I heard him. I think Little Yue forgot about the time I shoved him in the pond when he was first born and he cried for two hours."

"That was 14 years ago!" Yue argued, taking another step back, his toes just brushing at the stones lining the bottom now. "I'm smaller than the two of you as well, I can turn more quickly in the water."

"I think he just called you fat, Kerberos," Clow snickered, using a great talent of his in twisting Yue's words. Kero again blew bubbles in the water with his own laughter, a moment before he used Clow's chest as a brace to push again, and began to swim in earnest towards his brother.

Knowing how these games ended, this 2-against-1, Yue turned onto his stomach and began to swim away as fast as he could, glad his hair was coiled up; he'd surely sink otherwise.

He could feel the splashing of Kero's great paws against his legs as he sliced through the water just ahead of him, trying to weave through the patch of reeds that had earlier been his hideaway, all previous shyness gone as his only focus now was not drowning.

"Yue you can't run forever, the pond is only so big!" Kerberos cried out, and Yue laughed between panting breaths as he made a sharp turn near the bank, knowing Kero's weight took longer to move around. Just behind Kero was Clow, able to ground himself on the pond floor with his taller height, and shove off towards Yue before diving beneath the water.

"Oh shit you've had it now!" Kero guffawed while paddleing, and Yue looks around widely, trying to catch sight of his Master under the water while still swimming for his life. Clow was far faster below the surface than above, a fact that Yue seemed to have forgotten when he made his challenge.

Just as Yue made to turn again, thinking he could be able to make a safe break for the opposite shore, he felt Clows broad hand close around his ankle; he had just enough time to pinch his nose shut before he was yanked beneath the water, again surrounded with the auditory image of sparkling cur gemstones shining in the sunlight, pale, pastel jewel tones reflecting softly.

Just as he was again needing a breath, he felt a sea monster ensnare him, a great, brutish thing snaking between his legs and against his chest, shoving him quickly up to the surface again, and he grabbed hold around Kerberos's neck as he did so, laughing with his first breath while he floated on his brothres back.

"Clows gonna drown you next time baby brother!" Kero said brightly, as though excited by the prospect of being an only companion again. "I saved your life, that means you have to be my slave."

"Aren't I already?" Yue bit without any real acid in his voice, still trying to catch his breath. "I already toil away my days feeding your bottomless pit of a stomach don't I?"

Kero paddled around in a lazy circle, giving Yue a gentle ride around the pond. "Naw, you like cooking, cause Clow seems to actually enjoooy eating it!" he tossed back, and before Yue could get offended, he dove beneath the water, taking his sibling with him before he could let go. When they resurfaced, Yue found himself face to face with Clow, looking even more handsome with reddened cheeks and a wide, glowing smile; Yue hoped his two magically-connected companions couldn't feel his heart begin to race again.

"I'll have you know Kerberos that Yue is actually very good at cooking, and little delights me more than when he sits a full plate in front of me in the evening. You would make an excellent wife, little Yue," he said with a teasing wink, and below him, Kerberos guffawed loudly at the idea of an even more domestic, housewife Yue in a kerchief and apron.

Yue, however, just felt himself turn red, and he hoped he could pass it off as indignant anger. In actuality, though, he just...wished Clow wouldn't flirt this way. Or rather, wouldn't pretend to flirt. Such words were Clows nature, as much as Yin was Yue's. Flirtatious jabs, dirty jokes, innuendos, teasing, poking, it was how the magician was. Even Kerberos, not even human, would play along sometimes, swooning when Clow would call his fur handsome. But for Yue, it just caused his heart to ache, wishing so, SO intensely that his masters words were serious, and not just in good fun, that whatever he said to him was somehow different, more special, than the same words he used towards his party guests, his more liberal scholar friends, to the dimensional witch...or rather, the same as with some of them...

Clow sighed contentedly, and began to float lazily onto his back, enjoying the mottled shadowed sunlight filtering through the tree above him, savoring every moment with his two dearest companions, seeming, to Yue, to not notice how intently the younger was gazing at him, so happy, in so much pain, so lovesick.

)o(


	12. Chapter 12

Yue could pinpoint the exact moment he knew he was in love with his maker. It was a year before, just after he'd turned 13 by calendar years, though human age wasn't a good measure of his own. He had long outgrown his more childish temperament; he only turned over a chessboard if Kerberos had done something TRULY unfair, for example, which was only about once a month and warranted. He kept charge of most of their homes finances, save for Clow's personal expenditures (which he didn't care to know about anyway) and, with a little magical intervention, kept the kitchen warm and plates full. He was fluent in Mandarin and English and Dutch, was learning Japanese and Greek. He could play the piano, the flute, and the qin, though singing was not a skill belonging to him. He was well read in philosophy, science, astronomy, world religion, and had some proficiency with mathematics and physics, though they weren't his favorite. He preferred poetry, and had a fondness for novels. 

Yue had long past the age where he needed his masters help to wash his long hair or braid it, or to mend his play-torn clothing. It was he who did such things for Clow now. Yue had never been a child proper, but had an immature, emotional, and childish mentality his first couple years of life, but he had far outgrown the remnants of those days, maturing into a cultured, if hotheaded, image of a young man. And, with such maturity, he seemed, came desire.

He had been 13 when he first realized he loved Clow, as more than a creator, or a father, a master, or even a closest friend. They were at a garden party hosted by a pretty young witch in Beijing, though it was her older sister Clow seemed intent to flirt so coyly with that night, which gave Yue an almost unbearable pain in his chest he wasn't sure he understood. He sat with Kerberos near their masters side, enjoying tea, playing a puzzle game with an older guest, and being well-use to being a marvel at parties. Despite more than a decade having passed since their creations, there were still many sorcerers who either were just meeting the two free-willed creations of the great Clow Reed, or still couldn't believe that two magical constructs could be so soulful and human.

They didn't mind too much. The attention means many pets and sweets for Kerberos, and the praise always fell back to their master; even Kero liked seeing how in awe people were of their Maker. It was...sometimes more difficult for Yue, though. Less educated or polite magicians just couldn't understand that Yue, though of human shape, was not just a pretty, decorative doll like other constructs, and sometimes took to peering at them both as though examining a horse, wanting to see them spin around, look into their eyes...Yue once bit a man who wanted to see his teeth, and felt not one bit of shame. This happened to them both, to be sure, but it was a bigger breach of dignity for Yue, who held a mans form, and one very pleasant to look at...

They had kept it a secret from him for some time, that some sorcerers made human-shaped companions of a "different" sort; things with no consciousness, who just said pretty things and warmed a bed. After a young man assumed Yue was one of these, however, and his advances ended with him pinned to the floor by Yue with a crystal shard to his neck, they had to inform him of the cultures undercurrent attitude towards constructs like him. He understood, then, Why Kerberos seemed to always stay close to his side at large parties involving more than Clow's inner circle of friends, why he swore he sometimes heard him growl under his breath.

That was years ago, though, and not only could Yue very well handle himself, but everyone at this gathering either knew him, or was polite enough to NOT go touching where they were not welcome. 

Why, then, did he feel so tense right now, when he should be enjoying himself? Why did he hurt so badly, watching Clow whispering into that young womans ear, watching them laugh together, watching his hand find a place just above the knee of her long, layered gown?

Yue self consciously tugged the jacket of his own hanfu, the layered silk just right for a cool autumn afternoon, but suddenly wishing he'd worn something more...elaborate? Decorative? He didn't understand what he was wanting...

That is, not until closer to evening, when he saw Clow and his lady friend sneak away from the party hand in hand, casting wary looks about the other guests as though afraid of being caught. And, suddenly, furtively, Yue wished with everything he had that it was he leaving with his hand tucked warmly into Clow's. 

The realization struck him so physically that even Kero's ears twitched, feeling the shock form his brother.

"Whatsamatter Yue?" he asked distractedly, moving a piece across the board and snickering at their opponents face. "Didja leave the fire going back home?"

Yue shook his head vaguely, reaching for one of the long woven cords decorating his hair, and wrapped the dangling end around his fingers, just for something to still his shaking hands. He made some excuse to leave, wanting a drink, wanting to see the river, something, and Kerberos just Hm'd his acknowledgement.

Yue left the opposite direction of Clow and his friend, down towards the narrow river their hosts home was build nearby, and slumped himself between the water and a thick row of bushes, as though needing an insulating barrier.

He wanted to be with Clow...suddenly the swirling feelings in his stomach he'd been feeling for a while, the warmth in his chest at being by his masters side, seemed to all solidify into something he could name. He was in love with Clow Reed and he was terrified.

He decided almost immediately that he couldn't tell anyone, not Clow, not Kerberos, not any of his sisters or brothers in the Deck...because what sort of heartbreak and devastation would that cause? He was Clow's child, in practice if not by blood, and if he did not love him back...an admission of love was a make or break moment in a relationship, but unlike a suitor or young lady, Yue had no option of avoiding someone who rejected his affections...

Besides, would...would anyone believe him? These feelings were so painfully fresh in his heart, so barely understood...what if Clow just dismissed his affections as natural for a construct to his creator, or a child to his father? ...and, honestly, Yue wasn't sure he knew how to explain the difference, even to himself.

All he knew, sitting by that river with his pulse pounding in his ears, was that he could now identify his emotions towards that pretty young woman sitting with Clow. He was jealous, bitterly so.

)o(

'There were some things even I did not foresee.'

Yue didn't know when Yukito had fallen in love with Touya. Oh, of course, he knew the moment he told him. He had tried to shy himself away within the cobwebs of Yukito's mind, tucking himself into some corner space with half-remembered dreams and long-forgotten phone numbers from people who didn't exist, but as he had told Touya, there is only so detached he can become, and only so willingly. While able to avoid the mundane activities of bathing and dressing to allow Yukito his modesty, something this emotionally taxing couldn't be ignored, so Yue had been a silent, awkward observer. But when it was that Yukito's heart had figured out the matter, seemed to be before Yue had fully awoken.

He had to wonder, silently to himself in Yukito's empty living room that night, if it had been the same for Yukito as it had been for him. Did the snow-bunny stammer over simple sentences when Touya was around? Did his teenage other-self experience the awkward racing pulse, warm flush, deep ache of newly awakened desires? Did he fill his head and heart with the sort of poetry he considered to be unreliable only a month before?

Somehow, to all of those queries, Yue knew the answer, almost assuredly, to be no. While Yukito was not suave or love-savvy, he was calm. He personified the cool, flowing Yin nature that Yue was constructed from perfectly. In all likelihood, Yukito had stepped into love for his best friend as easily as his faux-furred rabbit slippers. 

Love was so easy for him, Yue thought with a pang of envy as he shuffled the deck of cards in his hand. Simple red and black playing cards, cold, slick pieces of stock paper he'd dug out of a catch-all drawer from sheer need for amusement. He'd set about flickering them into fan shapes, noting that they felt like new. All the same, he lifted the first card, a 4 of diamonds, and laid it to one side, adding to it a queen of diamonds. an ace of spades, he set to his left. Red, red, red, black, red...he just needed something to do. Kerberos would scold him if he showed up with ragged, picked-upon fingernails.

Yes, Yuki had it so simple. True, to be rejected by a best friend would have been painful, but he scarcely thought it could compare to the terror of admitting ones love to a person you were permanently attached to. A magically conjoined twin, he thought in a way, laying down an 8 of clubs into the black pile. 

It was 3 in the morning now, a dimming crescent glowing through the shuttered windows, creating slats of light on the floor where Yue sat. He could not be at rest right now, yet didn't feel like being with his brother. He needd to be alone.

Yukito and Touya had wanted to be intimate again that night. He could tell, he could feel it, the warmth in his other self's chest when he sat by his beloved, the brush of his hands against Touya's lasting just a moment longer than they needed. Fingers intertwined while they read; separate books, separate stories, the same reactions within.

Yue knew the look in Touya's eyes; it was so much like...like his. Like Clow's, and not just in their light color flecked by warm, rich skin. It was kind, gentle, a look of being cherished, but not without something devilish behind them. Only difference was, Clow could allow that mischeife to the surface, promising with a single look what he would do or say the moment they were alone. But Touya and Yukito...

Yue's chest tightened, as his immediate defenses sprang up, like a trapped Egyptian tomb full of tripwire blades and spiked walls closing in. Keep those thoughts out, keep them down, don't think about that night! It was weeks ago, it was over, Touya had apologized and Yue forgiven him. Touya was young, and despite his maturity, he made a mistake. There was no malice in Touya Kinomoto, no moreso than his little sister, growing to be precious in Yue's heart. However...knowing this, did nothing to sooth the sickness it brought to his middle. Nor did it assuage his gnawing guilt.

Gods, the look in Touya's eyes, the heartbreak he could feel in Yukitos chest; nights filled with awkward goodbyes where they drew close for a kiss only to end with halfhearted, spaced-apart hugs, their mistake making them over scrupulous about contact...it was dangerous, Yue knew. You don't control your emotions like that, like a dictator. The more they pulled away from each other, the thinner they would stretch, till it eventually ripped their beings to shreds, or they snapped together with too much force to stop. Yue ought to know, he went through both.

Yue looked down at the two neat, tiny piles on the floor before him. Perfectly arranged and divided. He picked the top card from each pile, and slipped it to the other, a heart joining the dark, and a spade, over to the red. Balance, the seed of Yin in every aspect of Yang...

Yes, extremes were bad, Yue knew, but Yue was not very good at avoiding them. 

His nervous fingers still searching for a fidget, he scooped his cards back together, shuffled deftly, and began to sort them out in order of number htis time. Aces, 2's, 3's.

It couldn't be helped. How could he possibly just let them carry on with it? Yukito's body may be formed differently than his own, shorter, his skin more pink and peachy whereas Yue's was lightest yellow cream, their mouths shaped differently, their eyes, their hands, but it was the same despite this. They were the same clay, molded by the same artist. Matter cannot be created nor destroyed, only changed, after all. When Touya kissed him, Yue felt it as though it were his own lips, and it was his own neck that felt Touya's fingertips beneath their hair-!

The cards in his hand spilled out as he shuddered; now he had a mess to occupy himself with. Around him, around the silhouette of his shadow, moonlight spilled in thin lines through the shutter slats; Moonlight as untouchable liquid, and as flesh and blood. The very matter he was sewn from now bathed him, washed around him, and covered him in Her ancient light. He paused his game of 52 pickup to spread his hand out in the moonlight; he could feel it, the same way people could feel the sun's heat. This was him, what he was made of, the wool Clow had spun to form him veins and blood and bone. 

His body. His. His that Touya wanted so desperately so long as it was seen bedecked with brown eyes and shorn hair and a cheery, bright smile. 

Yue didn't have his Master, his lover, his home, his own country. He didn't have his own bed, his languages were foreign to the family he lived with, he wasn't even sure he had his brother the same as before. And Touya and Yukito wanted him to surrender his body as well?

'Was it ever yours?'

...He hated those thoughts, and they had been creeping in so very often lately, after being so nearly gone. It was this nasty, aweful, insubordinate voice, one not his own, that told him vile, nasty things, biting truths that hurt to think about.

"Clow loved me," he said to himself with certainty, in a quiet whisper, as though forgetting that Yukito was in no danger of being awoken. "Clow made me, he formed me, he loved me."

'He made you to love him.'

'He made you unable to be other than in love with him.'

He hated those thoughts-

'He made you his ideal of beauty.'

-Because there were, after 300 years, still no answer to prove them wrong.

'Clow made your body to belong to others.'

)o(

The evening began to cool slightly as the sun dipped behind the trees to brush the horizon, tinging the outside sky deep blue, plum, and orange, and the creatures of the manor began to open the windows, welcoming in a hopeful cross-breeze, helped out by Windy released to her physical form. It was Yue who unsealed his card, asking her politely to please help cool the air in the stuffy house. She ghosted around the room, stretching her form, and brushed a kiss against the Moon guardians cheek before floating out the open library window.

Yue followed her to the wall, leaning against the white painted frame and stretching out to peer across the grounds. He told himself he was watching the sunset, watching the fireflies start to light like his sister Glow, but it was a very thin lie; he was again watching Clow. He was guiding Rain around the flowerbeds, trying to entice him to sprinkle water upon the flowers and now his Master, with a mixed success. Though 3 stories down, Yue could hear his laughter wafting through the still evening air, mixing with the sound of crickets and locusts and his feet upon the grass.

Gods he loved him, and he leaned even more heavily upon the wide windowsill, casting aside propriety and letting his mind daydream, eyes still thirsty and drinking in the sight of his love. He had redressed in his linen after their swim, and it had long dried, yet even from here Yue could see where it pulled across the small of his back when he reached to guard his face against the rain, how his half-bound hair tumbled down his shoulders in thick, dark locks, hear his half-hearted threats against his beloved card. He was painfully handsome, and so kindhearted...despite his somewhat twisted personality, penchant for boundary-pushing jokes, and how he was want to just up and invite a dozen men over for a drunken night at any time. To Yue, he was kind, intelligent, loving, patient...Clow was Yue's entire world. He was his God, lovingly forming him first in his mind, and then crafting him a physical body, a beautiful one, Yue knew...a fact he hinged so many hopes on. Though gender was a concept Yue had only little understanding of, and he called himself male only because it seemed to be the closest fit for how he reacted to this world around him, his body was inarguablyy male. A very pretty, femininely featured man, but still a man, something he knew Clow favored. He had both men and women in his bed, but he noticed, quietly, that more often than not, his male bedmates were on the slighter side. It wasn't unheard of for Clow to spend an evening with a strong, broad worker sort, but it was hard to miss how often his "playmates" were willowy, pretty, effeminate, words Yue supposed could describe himself...he never got his hopes up, but he could dream. He could imagine it was he at a party that Clow would sit himself next to, compliment his robes of his hair, play his fingertips daringly up his arm and whisper an invitation upstairs.

Yue blushed deeply to his collar; he didn't just want a tumble or a quick one night stand, but he couldn't deny his physical desires played a part in his daydream love affair. It was why he had suddenly become so shy around Clow. it had been easy enough to hide in the winter, but now that summer was dawning?

...If he thought no one noticed these changes in him, though, he was wrong. He was so wrapped up in his imagination he hadn't heard Kerberos slink in through the open door, didn't sense his older brother watching him with contemplation, and a note of sadness. Yue. His little brother, his twin, his compliment, his opposite...He was getting worse and worse at hiding this, and he was honestly surprised Clow hadn't noticed. The boy was falling in love, or at least, that's what it seemed. 

He'd noticed the change in Yue about a year ago, though he couldn't pinpoint any one moment that tipped him off. Just...little things. His calm, composed brother suddenly wearing a blush as often as hair pins, feeling his heart skip a beat through their connected bonds, seeing Yue's eyes linger on Clow longer than they use to, in ways Kerberos had never known.

There were other signs, too. Romance poems and ballads and novels began to pepper Yue's nightstand as often as his lesson books. The songs that drifted from the piano that winter had a prettier, faster lilt to them than Kero was use to hearing Yue play. He seemed to be dressing as much for adornment some days as he was the weather and practicality...and it all worried Kerberos to the pit of his stomach.

If his suspicions were right...and more and more he was convinced they were, then his little brother had to be so confused right now. Romance, love, passion...these were concepts Kerberos wasn't sure he was made to feel, not as others did at least. 15 years after his creation, and he still hadn't worked out exactly what blend of magical, human, and animal spirits he had used to blend together he and his brother, and honestly? He didn't care. Why waste so much energy on philosophy and contemplating his navel? He was alive, he was loved, he was happy, he had family, he had a warm home, he had sweets, what more could he want, what deeper happiness would wondering about the nature of his construction bring him? Kerberos, Guardian of the seal, was not as shallow as his brother often taunted, he was merely selective about what was important in life.

Yue, however, had always been the deeper thinker. Or rather, the worrier, if one were to ask Kerberos, though at this moment, it was the sun that was beginning to fret.

"...Whatcha doin, Yue?" he finally greeted his sibling, flicking his tail happily as he watched him jump and back away from the window, as though caught doing something mischievous. And, once again, there was a rouge hue glowing across his cheeks; whether that was shame at having been caught staring or having been startled, Kerberos couldn't be sure, but as he joined his sibling at the window and saw Clow damp from rain below, he guessed it was the first.

"....yeah, you and me need to talk," he deadpanned, and this time he took no pleasure in seeing the color of Yue's face change, this time draining out to a paler shade than his usual.

"About what?" Yue asked lightly, fidgeting once again his his clothing and his hair, a habit the he'd developed after Clow scolded him enough to stop biting and picking at his fingernails; honestly, Yue the worrier could also be Yue the obsessive fidgeter, if he was anxious enough for his poised demeanor to lower in front of his closest family.

"I think you know what," Kerberos said flatly, but not without some soft kindness. He rubbed his head cat-like against Yue's hip, worming his head beneath his hand to be pet, and to offer a warm brace. "What were you thinking about, staring out that window?" he wanted to know, with a false lightness to his voice, as Yue against glanced through the sheer library curtains; Clow seemed to have finally begged and pleaded Rain into submission, but not before being thoroughly drenched; Kero could sense the ache in Yue's chest, as well as plainly see the glow in his lavender eyes.

"...Nothing important," Yue answers, resolutely looking away, setting his jaw as he strode away from the window and busied himself with straightening a nearby shelf, turning Clow's haphazard book stacks into something with all the spines in order, or at least facing outwards.

"I think you were watching Clow," Kerberos said softly, keeping his head and haunches pressed tightly to Yue's side. He...he didn't know what to do here, and he was still hoping he was wrong, because if he wasn't...? What did that mean? Was Yue just painfully confused? Was he still young at heart? Was Kerberos just pushing him away by trying to get him to talk to him? All this emotional crap wasn't Kero's strong suit. At the very least, not like this. He was boisterous, he was blunt. He could often hurt feelings...but he loved his little brother as much as he loved to fight with him, and this had been going on too long. There was no mistaking the look in Yue's eyes that afternoon in the pond...

"I was watching over him," was Yue's quivering answer, as he quickly brushed by Kero, leaving his heavily-leaning brother to stumble sideways as he left. He held several tomes in his hand that were mis-shelved, and seemed intent on finding their genre-specific homes. History, literature, another history, this one english...

"Yeeeahno, you weren't, Yue. When you're watching over Clow, you're rigid and ready to draw your bow and look like some kind of Amazon, all angry and stuff. You don't smile and swirl your hair," he teases halfheartedly, swirling the fluffed end of his long tail in a circle to mimic what he'd caught Yue doing with his silver hair. Ah, yes, there was that blush again, as Yue reshelved a book with more vigor than it really deserved.

"I wanted to make sure Rain didn't drown him," he attempted as an even worse excuse, cringing as Kero caught it without missing a beat.

"A card hurt Clow? a MOON RULED card at that? You know they draw off of you, Yue, come on, if you're gonna lie, think of something good."

SLAM

Another stack of misplaced books were smacked down upon a small study table, Yue's long braid nearly smacking Kero in the face as he turned around to face his older sibling; Jesus, his temper was bubbling close to the surface tonight, he'd barely started to goat him! ...That...didn't seem to be a good sign, actually, and Kero backed off slightly, his feline instincts lowering his tail gently, to show he meant no harm. 

"Well what do you WANT me to say, Kerberos?" Yue asked with exasperation, and Kero watched him ball his hand around the hem of his tunic, worrying the materiel between his fingernails, because he could tell, Kerberos knew. Kero knew Yue had figured it out, and had probably known his secret for a while. The link they shared as twins was broad, and it was difficult for them to blatantly lie to one another. It wasn't a true empathic line, but their connection made it easier to feel the extreme ebb and flow of one anothers emotions, even if they couldn't name what the strong currents of feeling WERE. And Kero had very obviously felt vast amounts of...happiness, yes, but also confusion or fear, so strongly that Yue either didn't think to close his link to his older brother, or was so wrapped up in those emotions, he didn't think to, and while Kero could have closed the gates on his end as well...he didn't feel like he should. It somehow felt like making Yue go through this alone. Whatever, exactly, "this" was.

"I want you to talk to me," Kero said gently, letting his ears lower, but his tail swish gently. "I can feel it, Yue, and even if I couldn't, I can TELL. Somethings different, and while I have a pretty good idea what it is, I'd rather you just say it."

He was ready for Yue to scream at him again, or maybe to throw one of his now-abused books at his face as he yelled at him to leave him alone. He expected more obstinate denial. He knew how to deal with all those possibilities. What he wasn't ready for, though, was for Yue to break down into deep, gut-wrenching sobs.

"Oh, Um....hey, Hey Yue, come on, there's no need for that," he stammers, almost taking a step back as Yue just lets himself sink to the middle of the floor and wrap his arms around himself, holding himself, but to leave him now would be cruel, and now what Kerberos actually wanted to do. "Come on, Yue, don't cry, I'm sorry..." he tried to apologize, nuzzleing in to Yue's shoulder, headbutting him the way cats do to mark their territory, trying to nudge Yue into sitting upright at least. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"You can't tell him!" Yue interrupts, finding a steady voice, somehow, even as tears are spilling down his eyes, and he casts a furtive glance towards the still open library door; without being asked, Kero immediately bounds across the room, closes the right double door, and drags a chair over to wedge under the handle, even, more quickly returning to his brothers side.

"Don't tell him what, Yue?" the sun still tries to coax from him, though he hardly needs an answer now. Nothing less than this could compel someone as haughty as Yue to break down like this, and he can feel his trepidation, his fear drowning out his embarrassment and shame.

"I...Clow, I...Kerberos, I love him, Gods, I'm in love with him, with Master Clow," he cries out, his voice starting strong, but seeming to falter as more words tumble out, becoming cut off as he struggles to try and speak over his hitched breaths. "I have for so long, I just...I'm in love with him, and it hurts so much, please don't tell him, it's been a year, I didn't want anyone to kn...to know!" and he dissolves again, burrowing his face into the forearm of his tunic, soaking his sleeve with tears.

That...yeah, that's exactly what Kero was expecting to hear, but it doesn't make it any easier, any clearer...or any less awkward, honestly. He says nothing right then; he doubts his words would be heard anyway, not by Yue's ears nor his pained heart. All he can do is offer himself, ease Yue into his shoulder, let him saturate his fur with his crying instead of his own clothes. After a few moments, Yue responds, wrapping his arms almost too tightly around Kero's thick, soft neck, burying his face against his warm shoulder and just crying his heart out. Kero licked gently at Yue's hand, and his cheek when he can reach it, and lets him...he's been holding this is for too long, if it started when Kero suspects it did, and he's not abut to cut him off now, even when he hears Clow's name peppered between his hiccups, sometimes pained, others, like a prayer.

For a quarter hour they sat there like this, Kero sensing Windy at the open glass, and asking with a pointed look to please shut the windows behind her. Yue's finally quieting by then, though, wiping at his swollen, reddened eyes with his sleeve, dabbing undignified at his nose, not caring how he looked right now. Telling that to Kerberos, even in so few words, was like finally setting a bone; painful, terrifying, and now only waiting would tell if it had been done ri-

"eugh," he sighed with another hiccup as Kero began to lick at his face, brushing aside his tears, clearing his eyes, but Yue had only shaky hands and little desire to physically shove his massive brother away...though now the same was starting to flow again. He hadn't had a crying fit in front of anyone in years; he saved his tears for his own room, when Clow was out visiting, or when he'd filled his head with so many romance stories that he almost forgot he could never have that sort of fairy tale.

"Yue?" Kero's deep, gentle voice prodded. "Yue...talk to me? please?" he begged quietly, and Yue scrubbed the back of his hand over his hot face.

"About what? he said with a quivery sigh. "I just told you everything." Yet he didn't get up to leave, his usual sign that a conversation was over. No, he just leaned closer to Kerberos again, wanting the warm light of the sun right now, he felt so cold...

"Are...Yue, I have to ask this, ok? But...are you sure? That it's THAT kind of love?"

He expected a fight, indignation, maybe a crystal shard jammed between his ears, but Yue just nodded, seeming exhausted. 

"Course I am," was the closest he got to his usual scandalized attitude. "It's different now, than...than it use to be," he tried to explain, and Kero felt another deep, sweet pain fill his chest. "It's different, I-! I see how he flirts with men, with women, how he holds their hands, plays with their hair, how he looks at them and with everything I am I want that to be me!" he seems to scream, though is voice is barely above a hoarse whisper. "He's the first thing I think about when I wake up, even when I can't sleep at night because I'm thinking of him! It's nothing like how I use to feel for him, or how I feel for you, I...Kero, I'm in love with him, what else would it be?!"

...Fuck, he had to ask that question didn't he? That wasn't something Kero wanted to think about, because it forced him to dwell on...well...Clow's less than great attributes.

"I mean...Yue, you know you're different than I. You're human," he explains, starting out with the option LESS likely to cause Yue to go into a violent, offended fit at their masters honor. 

"Oh Kerberos, come off it, you're as human as I am!" Yue argued back, and Kero shifted slightly from paw to paw. "Just because you have a different form than I do, doesn't mean we both don't have a human soul."

Ah, back to the navel contemplation, Kerberos thought with an internal sigh, but kept that t himself.

"We're not human, Yue," he says gently, slowly. "We have a spirit, that may well be a soul, but we're not created the same way humans are. The universe gives humans their souls, but we ARE the universe. In another culture we may have been called demi-gods," he reminds Yue, and he beams to himself as he sees a slight smirk play across his little brothers pretty face.

"And people think I am the vein one," he jabs quietly, and Kero puffs up his fur.

"Well its true! Every earth religion has a deity of the sun and the moon, and what are we but fire and moonlight made physical? We're immortal, both how we are now, but also primordial. You know you feel it as much as I do," and he watched Yue nod. It was...a part of them they only spoke of to one another, unsure if Clow would be able to understand. They were not merely a representation of the sun and moon, they were the physical bodies personified, given a heartbeat, given blood, breath and bone. And there was a part of them that could feel that, almost like an aching nostalgia, or a feeling of deja vu at even places they had never visited in this form. Their consciousness, their memories, they began the moment Clow gave them life, but they existed far before then, before Clow Reed was born, before his parents, before the begging of man, before life on this world existed. The sun first, the moon later, corresponding with their earthly birth order, everything about them in balance. They were made of something far more ancient than anything on this world, light from both heavenly bodies that has bathed all the earth's mountains and vallies for untold millenia. They had a connection to their elements that far surpassed eastern magic's philosophy or teaching about eastern elements balanced in the human body. A part of them was primordial, unearthly, immortal, eternal, and their deepest souls felt that, with the thrum of the earth, the whispers of the suns light, the echoes of the universe around them. Their secret, something they couldn't put into words, not even to their creator. 

"...Perhaps we are not human," Yue conceded, unable to find the will to be contrary. "But whatever we are in spirit, we are the same. Me being given the body of a human man and you of a lion, doesn't change our natures."

"But doesn't it?" Kerberos counters back. "When I was born, my instinct taught me how to lick myself clean, how to hunt birds in the backyard, how to roll onto my back when you or Clow yelled at me. But not you. You were more like a young human. You didn't have the same instincts, and you learned by mirroring Clow."

"As did you."

"But not in the same way. In language, in writing, in manners, yes, but not in instinct, you didn't HAVE those, because you have a human body. And...well, humans get lonely, dont they?"

ah, there was that patented Yue ice glare, narrowed eyes piercingly cold.

"Kerberos are you insinuating that all i'm needing is "a good lay?""

Kerberos snickered to himself at hearing Yue quote his own crass slang, but swallowed the reaction quickly, still not wanting a crystal shoved into his ear.

"I just mean...humans get lonely," he repeats," and Clow is the only human around here on a regular basis...perhaps you're just wanting contact?"

But Yue just shakes his head, before turning his own argument back to him. "Kerberos, if you do not identify yourself as human the way you view me, then how can you say what I'm feeling isn't a humans romantic interest?"

To Yue's intense surprise, Kerberos doesn't deny that.

"That...is actually one of the reasons I haven't asked you about it till now," he confesses quietly, a contrast to Yue's spitting accusation. "I mean...I don't think like you do. We're both twins and diametric opposites. We compliment and we oppose...and in terms of your human side, you're right...I can't understand it. I can't imagine looking at something on two legs with hair only on their heads, and falling in love the way books describe it. I love you, Yue, and I tolerate Clow. But I can't wrap my head around how it has to feel, to say you're 'in love'...Clow didn't make me human, but he chose that form for you..."

Ah, that's where this had been heading, then...and once again Yue couldn't oppose, even though what Kerberos was suggestion was usually something that angered him intensly

"You're implying that...that what I feel, is just another extension of how Clow made me.." he whispers, both to his brother and to himself.

"I don't mean to say it to hurt you, Yue, but you know how I feel about it sometimes..."

If the sun and moon could not tell their master about their primordial intuititions because he could not understand it, Kero and Yue rarely brought up this subject with one another, both feeling the other could not understand. For Kero, there was a feeling he couldn't name, when he thought too long about Yue's nature, and how Clow formed him. He bore no anger at their creator, he still trusted him with important matters..he'd give his life for Clow, he loved him...but he was better than Yue at being able to admit Clow's shortcomings, and sometimes, Kerberos felt, Yue's nature was among those.

His brother was the moon, so perhaps it was unavoidable that he would be so dependent, but ti didn't stop it from hurting, to see how weak Yue could get during a new moon, or how sick he had gotten once when Clows venture into town ended with him caught up in a near witch-hunt for two weeks. Yue just couldn't be apart from their maker for that long, he NEEDED Clows magic to survive. Like the cards, Clows powers were a meal to him, without which he could, honestly, starve. The sun could shine on its own, but the moon required light, and could only reflect. Yue needed Kero's magic to use his own, and Clow himself to live...again, Kero thought, it makes sense, in their personification of sun and moon...but what works as poetic symbolism, and what works as kindness to a living, breathing, sentient creature, are separate things...he doesn't doubt his brothers free will, and it's not like either of them could or would WANT to leave Clow, but it is Yue who is bound to his side.

At the same time, Yue took intense pride in how he was made, being a creation of Clow Reed, and being the most closely connected of his 54 constructs. How he was made, how his strength waxed and waned with the moon's cycle, how he needed Clows magic...to him, these were simply facts of hos he was made, no different than a human being needing water and food. Having so much of his own magic being colored with Clows was an immeasurable blessing. He felt Clow, more intensely than the others. Yes, it pained him, both emotionally and psychically, if Clow was too far for too long, but this was just part of his nature, the same ways humans became sick at times. He knew Kerberos sometimes fretted about him, about his choices...yet, when it came down to it, even Kerberos, who would suffer no consequences, would never leave Clow Reeds side. Yue was HAPPY here with Clow!

"Yue, are you sure? Kerberos asked again, even more delicately than before. "That this is how you've grown to feel on your own, and not just..."

"An extension of a constructs need for his creator?" Yue finished, surprisingly, without bite or malice. Kero nodded, trying to soften the question with his warm body pressed close to his brothers.

"I...have wondered something similar", he admitted quietly, and Kero's ears pricked up to listen. "I know Clow made me beautiful. Clow enjoys the companyu of both sexes, yet seems to prefer men, and he gave me a male body when balance should say I have a female form as you have a male; you're yang, I'm yin...but," he continued, as though wanting to shove those ideas aside. "If I'd been made in a form only to please Clow, to fall in love with him...Clow would have made that clear by now. He doesn't treat me like a potential lover, he treats me like his child, like his dearest friend-"

"And thats why you hurt so bad," Kero finishes for him, and he can feel Yue trying to not cry again. He feels him nod against his back, ruffleing his fur, but he doesn't mind.

"Please," he hears Yue's voice say, muffled. "Don't tell Clow. If he knows I feel this way, things would never be the same with us three...I'd rather have it as we are now, than risk anything changing for the worst..."

Kerberos was still not entirely convinced that what Yue was feeling was love, was romance, or that even if it was, it was something truly borne of Yue's own heart and not just a moons orbit, but right now, that didn't seem to matter at all. Yue believed he was in love, with everything he was, with every ounce of his spirit, and for an ancient, pre-historical soul, that was a powerful thing.

)o(

'He intended me to fall in love with Sakura,' Yue thought, still siting cross-legged on the floor, the moonlight having long moved away from him, leaving him feeling cold. 'He thought I would fall in love with her, with her power, her magic...just as I fell in love with his.'

His body was never his, was it? His heart, the one Clow made, was pounding in his chest now, and he found himself aware of every beat, as though his ribs were being bruised. He was moon. his spiritual ABC's, the basics of who he was. Yue, the moon, the satellite, the perfect, worshiping orbit, praised for beauty, gazed upon, lusted after, but of very little actual influence, wasn't it?

Clow intended him to fall in love with another. he expected it, and how? because that was his nature, his DAMNED nature, wasn't it, to be drawn into the orbit of the largest magical spiritual body. he made him this false skin to cover his own, something he had no control over, and sent them into the world to belong to another, when all Yue ever wanted was-!

...was to be what Clow Reed had made him to be.

Breath quickened, and caught, as though there wan't enough room in his thin chest for both a pounding heart and breath for his lungs.

He didn't like these thoughts, the ones that grew within him when he was angry, when he and Clow had their lovers spats, when even after snubbing the magician for a week, his insides would ache to be held and loved by him still, to find peace with him again...was that the call of one lovers heart to another, or the desire of a magical being to be in submission and protection of his maker?

Kerberos had asked him from day one; do you love Clow, or are you unable to do anything but love him?

'You could never have left.

'You couldn't have said no.'

'Clow left you. He pawned you off to your next owner.  
'You still love him.'

"ENOUGH!"

As quiet as his last word spoken had been, this one was as loud, echoing off the sparsely furnished walls to reverberate into his ears, the English vowels sounding almost like his brothers roar. The cards in his hand scattered, abandoned, onto the floor, and he couldn't help but liken the image to his brothers and sisters, also abandoned, left alone...

He needed to see his brother, dawn kissing the horizon outside be damned.


	13. Chapter 13

Yue found his brother already awake and waiting for him when he arrived at the Kinomoto's household, stretched out languidly in their usual corner of the roof. Silently, not wanting to disturb whoever slept underfoot, Yue landed, and immediately curled himself down to his knees. He all but folded himself over his older brothers warm, waiting form, face buried into his broad neck.

"I could feel something wrong, Yue...our bond is getting stronger, like it use to be," Kero noted, purring deep in his chest to sooth the moon.

Yue nodded, and spoke softly. "Sakura's power is getting stronger," 

"And we're spending more time with each other again; being sealed away cut off a lot of our connection, you know. Still can't believe I thought you were that redhead woman."

"Why, because it was a female form?" he teased gently, and Kero laughed beneath him.

"No. because she was actually NICE to me!"

"I bake you tarts," was Yue's well-worn response, putting so much of his weight onto his brother. Kero lowered himself down onto his elbows, sitting sphinx-like on the lower part of the roof, as though Yue were somehow in danger of falling off. With his wide, furry head he nuzzled Yue's shoulder, his chest, his chin, all in one motion.

"School doesn't start for 4 more days, so everyone's sleeping in late...talk to me, Yue?"

In the short time it took for Yue to fly here from Yukito's home, he seemed to have again lost his will to share, not at all unusual for him these days. Or, perhaps, the flight was too short and he left too impulsively to have his emotions sorted out...this topic, these emotions and thoughts...these were a secret shame, something that bubbled up only when Yue was particularly spiteful and angry at his master, his lover, only to be deemed silly and unrealistic the rest of the time...perhaps Kero would drop it, he hoped, not make him dig through these secrets. Though if his distress was strong enough for Kerberos to feel, he knew the lion wasn't about to let him off the hook.

"I don't want to talk," he still tried to insist with a sigh, running his hands through Kerberos's long, sleep, golden fur, hoping the loving scratches and grooming would be enough of a distraction. Could he simply feign loneliness, he wondered? Maybe tonight would be one of those nights Kerberos was as dense as people made him out to be...honestly, his brother was very wise, he was just too fun loving and carefree to prioritize wisdom over pleasure. Recalling something he'd read through Yukitos eyes, Yue supposed Kero was the sort who was wise enough to know better, and reckless enough to do it anyway. 

"I'm just...lonely, this morning."

"Hmf," was Kero's disgruntled response, an instant indication that this wasn't going to go Yue's way. "That you may be, but not for my company, is it?" he prods.

God, he wished they didn't have to bring this up tonight...er...today, he corrected himself, seeing the first sliver of bright orange sun peek over the distant horizon. Yue was never a morning person. In truth, he wondered if his natural rhythm presidposed him to being nocturnal. It was logical, and had made his first weeks of life difficult, as he wanted to sleep all day and stay up till dawn. If he hadn't been in near constant trouble as a newborn, Clow might have allowed him to be up on his own, but he didn't have the temperance or the life experience to know a bad decision from a good one yet, nor to chose the good when he did know the difference..he supposed at a time he, too, was wise enough to know better...

"Kero...do you truly believe the Mistress may be as strong as Clow someday?"

..."Well thats not what I expected you to talk about," Kero said with a shrug, following Yue's sundrawn gaze. "But yeah, I do...actually, I think she's already a fair deal more powerful than Clow was at her age, from what I know about him. Hers is manifesting in a more powerful way though; I hope she doesn't have Clow's foresite. But in terms of magic...why do you ask?" he queried with a suspicious golden eye. "You planning on yelling at an 12 year old and ruining her self esteem again?"

A sharp violet look drew Kero's lips back in a teasing grin, and the elbow between his ribs closed them in a howl.

"No, you lazy beast. I was just...thinking. Have been for a bit...Do you think it would ever be possible for her, to...to seperate us? Yukito and I, I mean."

He felt his brothers magic beneath his fingertips swirl and churn, like a bowl of water stirred gently. He was being serious, thinking, contemplating.

"I'm sure she could, Yue, someday...honeslty I'm sureprised you haven't asked before."

Yue weighed his response carefully, still gazing out at the horizon. The morning was almost warm already and smelled of dry earth, cut grass, the last days of summer, though his thin, nearly sheer cotton blouse left him almost chilled, pleaantly so. He could lie...but lies were effort, they involved too much consctrution of that wall surrounding him, and hoestly he didn't have the strngth to be on guard duty today.

"Never had a reason to ask before," he admitted. "I like...liked...hiding within Yukito. You know this world isn't one I've stepped into, as easily as you. We didn't live in a modern home when Clow died, and a lot has happened and changed since then, and..."

Kero listened to his younger brother trail off, his silence and expectant look, he hoped, provoking a further answer. When he received none and grew impatient, he whipped Yue on the back firmly with his tail, earning another reproachful look.

"Be PATIENT," he scolds, grabbing hold of the long fluff of hair at the end of his tail and glaring threateningly, while at the same time pulling his own long coil of hair out of Kerberos's reach. An old standoff between them; to bite or grab one anothers' wings was painful and cruel and off limits, but one another tails or "tails" were an entirely different story.

Once he was done listening to a short grovel of apologies and "Yue-Sama"'s, he released his captive, letting it swish freely under his nose.

"I use to like hiding behind Yukito. It meant I didn't have to be here, or talk to anyone...you were the only one I knew here, truly, and I didn't think we made good company for one another at first."

"Well you're a bitch," Kerberos said in a simple deadpan.

"And you're a crass, uneducated pig," Yue shot back cooley, and so quickly that Kero almost didn't notice the bristling. 

It was how they said they loved one another. Insults, physical fights, meddling into one another business.

)o(

"Kerberos, when I told you to not tell Clow, it was implied that I also was asking to not take any action in my love life!"

"You don't HAVE a love life, thats the point!" Kero growled around the long cord in his teeth.

It was 4 months later, and September was cooling as quickly as May had warmed, bringing a blessed coolness to their home, just in time for Clow's self-thrown going away party. Even for one so fond of socializing, it was going to be a large affair, at least 50 people there. Yue had spent two days preparing in the kitchen, and dind't feel like baking a damn thing for two MONTHS now that he was done...yet he'd melted inside when Clow sampled his work, pronounced it incomporable to any bakehouses subpar cakes, and relieved him of kitchen duty, telling him to go upstairs, bathe, and make himself stunning...Yue's heart had been racing then, wanting to read far more into Clow's teasing eyes than he knew was actually there. There was also a moment of panic; did he know what he and Kerberos were planning? Did he suspect something? Gods he hoped not; if Clow demanded an honest answer, there were only so many ways to slip around the truth. Neither he nor Kerberos could entirely disobey a direct order.

Honestly he had no damned idea how he let his brother talk him into this, but at the same time he wasn't fighting it. It wasn't a confession of love, it was just...flirting back the same way Clow firted with him, with EVERYONE

In all honesty, the fact that Kerberos was actively trying, it seemed, to “hook them up” as he worded it, was of some comfort to the younger guardian. He didn’t shun him…he wasn’t calling him sick, for being in love with Clow, he wasn’t denying his feelings, even though Yue knew Kerberos held his doubts. Whatever they were, it seemed, his brothers happiness was taking priority, which was…a kindness he wasn’t expecting from him, really.

They had bought the garment a few weeks back, with Kerberos in his small, tiny-winged golden fom, hiding beneath Yue’s hair at his neck to voice his opinion on colors and cloth. It wasn’t unusual for Yue to wear clothing more accustomed, in their culture, to women. Gender, the binary between men and women, was something that Yue knew only in the abstract. He was not human, and even among humans, there was more overlap and in-between man and woman than many cultures understood. As a magical construct born to a liberal minded, half mad magician straddleing two cultures, Yue understood that gender was a way to divide roles in society, in terms of marriage, dress, work, property, and behavior. He honestly didn’t understand it. With English as his first spoken language, he instinctively called himself “he”, though he would learn later his name was considered “gender neutral” while his body was what one would call “male”, like Clows. He called himself male as it matched his body, for simplicities sake, and because he supposed by current standards, he would more align himself with the life of a man, if only because women didn’t seem to have it so well. Still, though he was fine with the gender of “male”, he saw no point in limiting his life experiences. Clow kept himself only to “mens” clothing and styles, colors, but Yue found a womans hanfu to be, well, prettier and, Kero had pointed out, Clows eyes always seemed to follow him when he wore those lighter, more sheer fabrics.

So, Kero had insisted on one in pale, dusty sage green underneath, with a lilac and green gown tied over it, at the top of his chest and trailing, loose and flowing, down to his feet, bare as ever for he disliked shoes. A long, sheer length of deeper plum material, patterned with green sprigs, served as a wrap over his arms, the colors echoed again with fresh flowers pinned into his swept up hair, a gift from his older sister…if Kero told her what was going on he would KILL him, he swore…!

“You look real pretty, Yue,” Kero said kindly, handing Yue an only slightly spit-dampened silk cord to finish tying into his hair. Nervously, Yue nodded, already wanting to change…what the hell was he doing? Going down to a party in such a showy hanfu, his hair done up like this, planning to find someone to flirt with right in front of Clow…as though Clow were even the jealous type! And as though he even knew how to be coy!

“…Kerberos this is a terrible idea,” he groused, folding his arms onto his mirrored desk and hanging his head onto it despondently.

“No it’s not, I had it,” Kero said simply, as though that settled the matter. Yue made a noise in the back of his throat, and asked his older brother if he needed to remind him of the time he thought mixing pure cocoa into wine was a good idea.

He shuddered once, and watched the moon guardian bury his face once again into his arms.

“Hey, hey, come on kid, you can’t be like that,” he said, and with a flash of soft, amber light, he changed again into his “travel sized” form, to better fly behind Yue and pull his head up by the back of his hair; the face that met him was a mix of offended and terrified.

"Hey, buck up kid, tonight's gonna be fun!" he insists, fluttering over to Yue's desk and digging through the jars of lotions and hair pins, digging up the rouge Yue bought on impulse and unhinging the cap. "You grab a drink, act tipsy even though you're not, and channel your inner Flower for a night. Flirt with some cute man or woman-man? Do you like women at all? No? Ok, man then, and make sure Clow sees. And when he teases you for it?"

"I regret my life choices," Yue sighs, watching Kero dip a fluffy brush into the red powder.

"Oh c'mon, if nobody ever ran with bad ideas we wouldn't have you here would we?" he teased, floating up to dust a circle of rouge at each of Yue's cheeks, high up to cover the outer corner of the eyes, as was the style when Clow was young; another of Kero's "good" ideas. Yue wasn't sure he especially cared for the trend, but he couldn't deny the deep red made his purple eyes stand out, which was the whole point...but the accentuated feature just made him feel shy again.

"Kerberos, we can't do this!" he said, finally leaving the small bench to pace about his room, the hem of hems of his layered hanfu fluttered with the slight breeze of his steps. "I told you before, I can't tell Clow I'm in love with him, it'll ruin our whole lives!"

"You stop that, who said anything about love confessions?" asked the now full sized guardian beast. "You're just gonna get a little drunk and play around. No harm, no foul, and you can see if Clow will flirt back! It's like a risk free love trial!"

Yue paused where he stood, and by habit of his formal robes, swept his right arm into a loop to pick up the trail of his wrap, glaring at Kerberos with both hands on his hip.

"For someone with no understanding of romantic love, you sure seem to enjoy giving advice."

)o(

"Can...I ask your advice, Kero?"

It was a question to take him back, surprised. Yue NEVER fished for his opinions, not outright anyway, he was usually FAR more subtle about it, as in, Isn't this a good idea? or Don't you think...? anything to make it seem like his idea first. Yue was such a bitch to get along with sometimes...

"Well, sure you can ask, though you rarely take it."

Ignoring the jab, Yue began to pick at his nails, sighed in a disgusted tone, and summoned a crystal into his hand instead, to twirl between his figeting fingers.

"Do you...Should I...try to be...I don't know...more chipper? Friendly? more like-"

"Yukito?"

"...yes."

Kerberos began to stifle a luagh in the back of his throat, and failed, letting the gurgling snicker pour past his lips. Yue could feel it in his chest, as clearly as his purrs though not nearly as pleasant to listen to.

"Dont you dare laugh at me!" he sulked.

"I...I'm sorry Yue it's just...hee...that's like asking if you should be more like a tea kettle! It's not what you are so why even ask or compare!"

How the hell was he to answer that? He barely kne himself! Honestly he wasn't sure why, of all the racing throughts and aching emotions, he'd chosen something so...odd...to ask...he wasn't even sure that was somthing he'd been feeling right now, unless...

"You, Sakura, Touya, Mr. Kinomoto...everyone seems so eager to be around Yukito, but..."

"Did you really think I didn't want to be around you?"

That was a queston Yue didn't want to answer, because it was one that showed his lesser attributes. Yue was...he liked to think he was self aware, self examining, and well rounded, but in truth, Clow had always told him he was too hard-headed and stubborn to have a true, unbiased opinion of himself. He was always either too hard on his tiny faults, or he was too good at masking them from himself.

'You are the most un-water like Water I have ever met,' his maker would tease.

Clow...

"I...Yukito seems to make more pleasant company these days," he said measurably, thinking it wasn't too intimate or open an answer. "I mean, everyone who is so happy to see Yukito, seems to be unsure of what to make of me."

"Well...Sakura was a little scared of you," Kero pointed out fairly. "You kinda beat the snot out of her ya know. And you know you look pretty intimidating, especially to a little kid. And there was the whole crush thing-"

Yue felt a cold shudder run like ice down his spine, through his belly, thinking once more how Clow had intended him to fall for Sakura.

-"and the brother kinda has that whole lovey dovey thing with Yukito, so I'm sure he'd rather be....he'd rather....Oh my God Yue."

Yue's face turned pink from collar to eartip as he tipped his face down to hide his embarrassment; whether it was for himself or secondhand shame for Yukito and Touya, whose private affairs were the upcoming topic of conversation, he didn't know. he wanted to make as light and simple of this as possible though.

"Touya and Yukito deserve their own time together, which they obviously cannot...have right now," he said slowly and cautiously. He didn't want to incriminate Touya's social faux pas from several weeks ago. It was traumatic to Yue, but mostly...mostly, without fault to Touya. He made an ill informed decision without thinking it through, thought too much with his hormones for a few moments, but he wouldn't...he didn't mean to make Yue feel that way, he knew, though he still shuddered once, remembering the feeling of Touya's hands on his thigh...No, he remembered how Kerberos would growl and show teeth to anyone who looked at Yue wrong. Despite Touya's innocence, he knew his brother would overstep his bounds and give him an unneeded and undeserved lecture. Instead, he would gloss over that, make that incident go away.

"Touya and Yukito are very much in love, and it isn't fair to Yuki, to have me staring through him all day. And I...would like my own body again, Kero...I don't know what I would do, where I would go, even where I would live...but I can't keep splitting our time between one form. What if I was hurt? Yukito would be just as injured...he can't move away, because I have to be near the Mistress...and it isn't fair to me," he admits, allowing himself a single, selfish moment.

"Kerberos I...I don't know if this form has ever truly been mine," he admits, the full rays of the sun now glowing harsh on his pale, white face. "I have all these doubts about Clow that hurt too much to think about, and I hate myself for thinking them, and then I'm angry at myself for hating myself...and it isn't fair."

Kero listened, tense, anxious, to the worlds spilling as freeflowing as water from his little brothers mouth, ones he only rarely ever heard, yet doubts they had both silently harbored.

"Keroberos... How can I mourn for a man when I have to spend most of my life glued to the heart of someone just falling in love...?"

)o(

Another "genius" part of Kerbero's matchmaking plan was to make sure Yue didn't come downstairs until everyone had already arrived.

"You wanna make sure you have a whole room staring at you at once, and talking about how nice you look," Kero said sagely, as though he'd been hooking people up for years. "That way, there's no way that old dumbass can miss how nice you look."

"...do you really think I look alright?" Yue asks nervously, peering around the corner of the stairs to the great room, filled with twinkling candlelights and stars set out by Illusion.

Kero sat his haunches down to the floor right beside Yue on the landing, and raised his eyebrows as much as his form could.

"Yue, it pains me to say this, but you look really, really pretty," he said begrudgingly, shuddering as he did so, as though complimenting hs younger brother caused him an actual physical pain.. "Oooow, I think I cramped my tongue!" he howled, and Yue glowered, nudging his large paw with his bare foot, as though threatening to step on him.

"Hush you," he whispered, but Kero could see a true blush rising under the red makeup. Yue sighed, and reached up to needlessly feel at his pair pins, to make sure they were all perfectly in place, as Kerberos started down the stairs first. The idea was for him to bellow out a greeting by the entrance, something characteristic and mocking of his maker, and for Yue to enter right behind him. God this was an awful idea, he thought as he slipped down the stairs, the hem of his gown whispering against each step. Is it too late for me to change into my formal robes? Or would my armor appear too threatening for a party? I should at least slip into a mans hanfu, or a kimono, even-

"Good god Clow did you save me ANY food?" Kerberos snit as his large, freshly brushed form entered into the party, and a few magicians nearby snickered, others greeting Kerberos with varying levels of drunkenness.

Yue held his breath as he reached the bottom of the steps, and just told himself to not think. If he thought about ti now, he'd chicken out, he'd run back upstairs and have a fit. So he just adjusted his wrap one more time, and stepped in the room quietly right behind Kerberos.

The effect was about what he'd expected, actually. Not out of vanity, simply out of prior experience, he knew that he'd both stun and confuse a handful of men at tonights party. Its how it always went. he knew he was a mixture of beautiful and inhuman, his silver hair trailing the floor behind him, hi sharp eyes, pale skin. Even dressed plainly, he knew he made an impression, and he let a slight sense of pride wash over him, let it straighten his shoulders, as even those who knew him murmurs at Clow's little pet.

Speaking of whom, it didn't take long for Yue to find his master; he was wearing his favorite gold and royal blue robes, hair tossed as carelessly as ever, though tied with a gold ribbon instead of blue, his version of gussying up. Clows slap-dash formal wear didn't surprise Yue at all; no, that was his face that did that. just 20 feet from him, Clows eyes met his, wide and round as coins, and he swore he spent a good 5 seconds slack-jawed...did...he he look that bad, Yue thought? Or...and he barely dared to think this, did he look that good?"

"Y...Yue! I was wondering when you would show up!" Clow cut through the murmurs rippling through the crowd, at least one woman overheard swearing to find out who made his outfit. "My," he said, when they were close enough to have a more private conversation, "You look beautiful, Yue, when did you buy this?"

"I...thank you, Clow," he said, tipping his face humbly at his makers compliments. "Um...Kerberos and I went out last week...I hope you don't mind, but I don't often buy clothing-"

"Don't even," Clow scolded lightly, tapping a fingertip against Yue's lips. "You're right, you rarely buy anything for yourself, and I love little more than to see you two spoiled."

Yue glanced up, seeing a warm light in Clows eyes, and he swore he saw those eyes flicker up and down his form once, and he lowered his gaze once more. He wasn't even drunk yet and already he was indulging in fantasies and daydreams as though they were real...

Clow turned to compliment Kerberos on a beautiful, glistening coat, welcomed them both to eat their fill...or, rather, a sane amount, he added pointedly to his eldest, and turned back to his conversation with an older gentleman Yue didn't recognize.

"He was checking you out," Kerberos said, with almost a hint of awe in his voice, and Yue hip-checked his sibling.

"He was NOT".

"No, he seriously was, did you see how long it took for him to pick his jaw off the floor?" Kerberos continued in English, with a lesser chance of being overheard than using the local Mandarin dialect. "I'm telling you lil brother, you might have tonight in the bag! Or the sack, if you prefer," he chuckled, enjoying watching his brother try to look imposing while turning red again.

It didn't take long for Yue to initiate step two of their plan; acquire wine, begin drinking. Sip is slow and move around plenty, to look like he was drinking more than he was. Yue had a decent tolerance for alcohol, but once he hit his limit, it was nothing but loud laughter, lots of spinning, and giggleing at absolutely nothing. Being drunk for real would not go well with a planned evening of flirting...Gods what was he doing he didn't know how to flirt, did he? If he did, surely he'd have been flirting with Clow for months now! He may have amazing self control but...it was Clow, damn it, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep him impulses in check around him, which was precisely why he finally agreed to Kerberos's plans.

He sipped at his wine slowly as he made nice with his masters colleagues, putting up with the usual shallow remarks, the compliments, the gaping at his hair from enamored women. Some were easier to speak to than others, ladies moreso than gentlemen, at times. Some of Clows's colleagues were more likely to talk about Yue with one another than to talk directly to him, either not knowing or not understanding that he was as sentient and human as they were. Their wives, and the other women who floated in Clow Reeds circle could be guilty of this was well, but generally, they understood the feeling of being disregarded, spoken over, and esteemed only for ones appearance.Thus, it wasn't uncommon for Yue to find himself talking magic and divination with just as many female witches as male by the end of the night.

That wasn't to say the remaining company was all bad, by any stretch. Those who mattered, his masters closer companions, philosophers, those with more empathetic powers or a short foresight, those more intuned with the world and less wrapped up in their own egos, they treated Clows guardians with equal respect, and it was these men that Yue decided to staunchly avoid tonight, at least once he started to "drink". He didn't fancy the idea of these men stuck in such an awkward position. No, there were plenty of others, Yue was finding easily that night, who would welcome and return the sly smile Yue offered. He'd gaze at them intently over the rim of his glass, adjust his hair to pull back form his neck more than once, laugh more loudly than he needed; coquettish scenes he'd seen displayed before at larger gatherings and, always, in full view of Clow.

There was only one problem, though. It didn't take long for Yue to lose track of how many fake drinks had turned out to be real ones. At least once he realized too late, that he'd picked up someone elses much fuller glass.

'It's only, what, 4 glasses? I'm fine,' Yue told himself, not realizing that the red wine was staining his lips a beautiful deep crimson to match the blush of his cheeks. He also didn't realize that by said 4th glass, his false laughter was growing more bold, more legitimate.

he did realize, though, that Clow Reed had been watching him all evening. Never directly, to be sure, and not constantly, but as often as not, when Yue would glance around, he'd catch his makers eyes on him, distracted during a conversation, or on his way to find another old friend. A few times Clow offered his youngest guardian a smile, but more often, he was simply staring...once, he swore, he saw Clows face tinge pink before turning back to his conversation partner.

That must have just been the fog of alcohol, though, surely...

By 3 in the morning, the party was starting to reach its close. most of the food had been finished (with many compliments) and Yue was on glass number 6. It seemed that he forgot that he didn't know how to flirt, as he seemed to be doing a damn good job, at least by Kerberos's sharp eyes. The sun guardian had taken to lying on a chaise lounge by the window, a small hoard of scones and pastries between his paws, enjoying each other, and enjoying the show. Jeez, with the way Yue was going at it, baby brother might get laid by SOMEONE tonight, he thought with a mix of amusement and horror at the idea. Yue was getting damn drunk, and Kero told himself quietly that he'd rip out the throat of any man who tried to take advantage of that.

Just a few feet away stood Clow, bidding one of his guests goodnight as he fetched their coats for them, promising to write and to send a copy of some alchemy notes to study. Kero couldn't help but notice, though, that Clow seemed to linger near the door longer than he needed to, lingered just a few feet away from Yue, who was getting quite friendly with a forty-something magician.

"No, sir, I haven't read him yet; lately I've been reading Japanese plays and practicing my music lessons; my master tells me I have fine hands for piano, do you think?" He asked extending forward the hand not holding a nearly empty glass of wine. His companion was reluctant to be so bold as to take his hand, but countered instead that he would just love to hear him play sometime. Yue's laugh was light, airy, and pretty, ringing bell-like through the room.

"I'll have to make you a private show," he said with a broad, narrow smile, glancing around once more for Clow, but not thinking to look just behind him. Not finding his Master seemed to just perturb and embolden Yue though, as he flipped a tiny braid over his shoulder and continued, "I play for Clow plenty you know, but does he pay attention to what I'm playing for him? hardly!"

"Erm...I beg your...?" the older gentleman began, but Yue was far past tipsy now, and seemed to be on his own train of thought.

"I play quite well, I think, but he just asks me to play while he's working, as though I'm just background music! I spend hours digging through sheet music to find something romantic and he doesn't even realize! Honestly Kerberos is right, he has such an ill temperament for a magician, so spacey."

"Romantic?" quipped the magician, both the one before Yue, and behind him, though Clow just mouthed the word silently.

'Oh, shit, SHIT," Kerberos thought, noticing Clow just around this time. He abandoned his plate of goodies, setting himself into a strong, quick prowl over towards his brother and master.

"Yes! pretty things, summer ballads, slow sonatas! I mean, I can't openly flirt with Cl-"

"Yue, hey little brother, did you get any of those little cakes you made? I had nine, but I saved you one!" Kero began to ramble quickly, pushing his broad body between Yue and his victim, who seemed to like the chance to get away from a far-more-inebriated-than-he-thought Yue.

Yue, though, seemed equal parts perplexed, confused, and offended at Kerbero's intrusion.

"Kero, what are you doing? I was just flirting!"

Kero tried to not choke on his own tongue, reminding himself that the last time Yue had gotten drunk, he stumbled onto his bedroom floor and just decided to stay there the rest of the night. 

"No, baby brother, you are DONE flirting, if that's what you call that long winded rant." Kerberos said, trying to take Yue's hand in his mouth gently while casting a furtive and panicked look over Yue's shoulder, where Clow was still listening with wide, concerned eyes.

"Kerberos, stop it!" Yue argued, planting his heals firmly into the carpet, not wanting to move, wanting to argue. "Why are you trying to get in my way? It was YOUR idea to try flirting with other men tonight to get Clows attention!"

Oh, oh oooh shit, thats exactly what Kero had been trying to avoid because he KNEW Clow heard that, its impossible that he didn't, fuckfuckFUCK! Well, maybe for once the old crackpot magician would have some tact, and know when to not push some-

"Yue, what was that? What are you going on about tonight?"

-thing. Shit. This is bad, oh hell this is bad, where the hell was Time when you needed him?! 

Kero looked from a very upset looking Clow, to a...what WAS that expression on his brothers face? Fear? Apprehension? ...no, not that at all. Daring, piety, maybe overconfidence...Oooh, Yue, he thought, don't do it. You're not that drunk, you're not, you're...!

"...Well, Clow, perhaps if you didn't spend your free time searching half of China for something already waiting right in front of you, I wouldn't have to stoop to such undignified levels to get you to NOTICE ME!"

His voice was icy, dripping with attitude and clipped, as he spun on his bare heal and raced from the room, his layers floating softly as his braids and loose hair whipped against his back. Most of the party was quiet, and staring, listening to the sound of heavy footsteps heading up each stair. 

"...well," Clow finally said, as the gossiping murmurs of the party began to swing again. "I suppose this is as good a time as any to move off the entire continent, eh, Kerberos?"`


	14. Chapter 14

Yue was a contrary man. It went against everything he was as water, as air, as yin, but his personality could be argumentative, and always had been. As a "child" his tantrums were primarily about being mildly inconvenienced or teased by his brother, resulting in the hallway walls needing repair from his impromptu archery practice and a small scar on Kerberos's front left elbow where no fur grew, but they were also often simply...because. Of course he obeyed Clow, wanted the pleasure of pleasing him, put Clow's happiness and comfort as his first priority, but even towards his maker he could be sullen and full of fight. His attitude's were primary reserved for Kero, but once he got himself into a mood or, if Clow had been the one to set him off, their entire household paid for it. Kerberos asked for dumplings for supper? He served Russian potatoes and ham. Clow had the gall to ask for his company in bed just a night after Yue found him being friendly with that damn Korean man Yue hated for no reason? He'd get nothing but icy glares and teasing hips as Yue walked away wearing his most tantilizingly sheer and soft clothing, even when his body ached for Clow's touch. 

Yue was prideful, arrogant, moody, and contrary; he just tempered it all underneath the surface, since reservation and dignity were his stronger personality traits. It was only his closest family who got to see his negative traits that WEREN'T anger, callousness and award-winning levels of denial.

He supposed, though, that with Yukito being essentially his other half and thus more intimately intertwined with Yue than any other living being, it would make sense that his argumentative nature would be shown to him.

"I don't think he really wants to right now..." Yuki said gently to Sakura, feeling upset at her worried, disappointed face. "Tonight is a new moon...Kero-Chan says he might be too tired," he added, trying to soften the discouragement on the young girls face. 

"O...oh..." Sakura answered, her green eyes flashing between concern and a little despondency. "Are...are you sure? I mean, of course I'd love for you to come too Yukito!" she stammered quickly, earnestness on her face where a few months before there would be a deep blush. "Its just that Yue isn't around very often, and Kero said he really likes the water...with school started, the beach wont be very crowded...and dad has the day off, so I just...thought it would be a good way to help Yue get to know everyone and....for them to get to know him..." she finished uncertainly, feeling shy about her idea very suddenly. Honestly, even she didn't know Yue very well, despite knowing OF him for a year and a half. It had only been within the last few months that he didn't make himself scarce at any sort of socializing, and even then, he was so reserved...it was better than it use to be, and she was very happy for that! He didn't scare her anymore, and he seemed to like having time with his older brother, but he still seemed so...quiet all the time. The young magician had thought maybe Yue was still so lonely because he didn't really know anyone well. She'd heard about his and Kero's "cake incident" from her father, who voiced his desire to get to know about him, same as Kero. And Touya, well...he was spending more and more of his time at Yukito's house these days, yet even he said he rarely saw Yue...it hurt her. She didn't want her guardian to think he was unwelcome! So she had decided to invite Yue to their outing today; though well into September now, the day was unexpectedly warm, and a day at the shore sounded wonderful. Her dad had even mnaged to swing the day off, knowing he wouldn't get to spend as much time with them now that school had started again, Touya would be coming, Tomoyo, Kero...honestly she felt guilty, not inviting Yukito, but she'd feel guilty for not inviting Yue as well...

Her quandary might solve itself though, if Yue decided to not show.

Kero fluttered up to sit on her shoulder, already bedecked for a sunny afternoon with a pair of swim shorts Tomoyo had made for him, completely with a perfect little pintuck for his tail. 

"Hey hey Sakura, don't look so sad!" he chirped to her, fluttering his small wings against her cheek. "It IS a new moon tonight; Yue might not even be awake right now! You shoulda seen him when he was younger, he'd make it halfway down the stairs before decided he was too tired and just snore away on the landing!"

That was a damned lie, Yue thought within the recesses of Yukitos mind, and Kerberos knew it! ...well, not the sleeping anywhere he happened to rest his weary body, but the being asleep right now. Even if he had been (which, he wouldn't mind a nap right now) he would have woken up at even the quietest whispers of his Mistress's voice. No, Kero was being...kind enough, to not only console Sakura, but also get Yue off the hook at the same time...he knew a social afternoon with so many people would be overwhelming to him. Besides, with Touya going, he and Yukito should get to have time together, shouldn't they? An afternoon at the shore could be romantic, and if Yue let himself sleep and they didn't try to get too close, he could let them be...if he was there, it would just make things awkward for everyone, wouldn't it?

...Yue was a very contrary man. He spoke softly to Kero, not-quite-admitting he was lonely, skirting around admitting he was jealous of Yukito's social skills and how well he eased into this family, yet now that he was being extended a hand of invitation, he balked, receded, and declined. 

And, as was his way, he sulked. The entire way to the beach, still tired and slipping into a drowsy daze at time, he pouted to himself, pissy that he had nothing to blame for his souring mood except, perhaps, the moons absence from the sky. It was true, his already prickly personality could grow sharp when his magic was at its weakest, especially now with Sakura having only so much excess to spare. However, right now, there was no Clow around to throw things at for trying to fix a hurtful mistake, no reason to want to tie ribbons into knots around Kero's tail. No one to be miffed at his exclusion but himself.

Yue was contrary. But that was a hard stand to take when he wasn't even sure what he felt to be arguing against. Perhaps that was why after about an hour at the shore, the warm sun blending with the cool salty breeze being painfully nostalgic, Yue took his opportunity. Yukito had volunteered to go back to the car to grab Sakura's forgotten beach towel. The little side lot they had parked in was completely empty, safe for Yue to switch, but only for a moment, for now. Making quick use of his time, he picked up a pen from the console between the front seats, and a sun bleached, neglected spiral notebook from a pocket behind them. He flipped he lined pages open to the middle at random, squiggled the pen to make sure the ink would flow, and wrote a short message. He got only a single word in before crossing out the English letters, moving down a few lines to start again...only to realize he didn't think Yukito knew a single character of Mandarin, especially not sure how their two languages had grown and evolved since he learned to write. Drooping his shoulders at his hasty mistake he crossed out the pen strokes, tapped several dots on the page trying to remember his kanji, before sighing, and writing down a very simple note. He laid the pen down, took another deep breath of the warm salt air, and surrendered himself back to Yukito's form.

Yukito, for his part, had long grown use to these memory lapses. They felt rather like the worlds most impromptu, improv naps, and he was often a little disorientated, but he was learning to deal. However, what he wasn't use to, was waking up more or less in the same place he had "left himself" before, with seemingly no time having passed. For a moment he wondered if he had simply spaced out, if he needed to sit down, but as he took in his surroundings to ground himself he saw an open notebook on the back seat that he knew they hadn't left there. He picked it up, the smooth pages warm from the car, and tucked the pen back into the consol deftly. 

Yukito smiled; Yue had left this for him, and he couldn't help but chuckle at the story such a fleeting memo told. "Would y" was written in very tidy, slanted cursive towards the top, struck through with a single line, and beneath that, a few brisk markings of what Yuki assumed was Chinese; not completely foreign to him, his own language sharing many words, but the meaning not reaching him at all. Finally, in very clipped Japanese was written simply, "May I?" and below 5 lines Yuki's mind read on instinct as shorthand for his surname, but corrected himself instantly. Yue. He traced his forefinger over the dried ink of his name first, patterning the familiar strokes. One down. One angled, two quick slashes across. His signature was clean and tidy, his English script elegant; as far as he knew, his other half spoke Japanese more or less fluently, but he supposed it was true what people said; speaking a language and writing it could be two different things. he smiled gently, and carefully tore the perforated page from the notebook, folded it into a perfect, small square and tucked it into his pocket.

"It's fine, Yue, you can come out. Sakura will be thrilled to see you!"

With that, he was sent quietly to sleep as Yue emerged in bright, watery blue light. He looked around furtively to be sure he wouldn't have to hypnotize anyone into forgetting what they saw, but his only witnesses were several picnic-fat pigeons who seemed completely unbothered by the moon magic. 

Not wanting Yuki to "forget" what he came for, Yue searched in the back seat for the pink and white flowered towel. picking it up, he laid it over his arm thoughtfully before appraising his own attire; no, his last-worn outfit wouldn't do. Fitted vests and tweed didn't match well at all with saltwater and sand. A quick glimmer as he closed the door with his hip and started the sloping, worn-wood bath back to the shore and his appearance changed. Light, unbleached muslin was much cooler for the late summer air, soft gathered pants reaching just above his ankles, and the pale skin at his throat enjoying the feel of a very wide cut Greek neckline. The wind coming in from the sea ghosted across his face, his throat, his collarbone, feeling deliciously light and free.

If Sakura was at all disappointed to see Yue return instead of Yuki, she did an impeccable job of hiding in; in fact, if he were to be so bold, she looked thrilled.

"Yue-san!" she screeched, sprinting in from the tidepool she had been recording with Tomoyo, the hem of a bright orange surrong nearly tripping her as it wound around her legs. She blushed at her stumble but seemed otherwise nonplussed as she closed to space between them and, to Yue's slight surprise, wrapped her arms tightly around his waist.

"I'm so so so glad you showed up!" she chirped against his chest, and Yue couldn't help but notice she had grown taller over the summer. 12 years old seemed to agree well with her. She was getting taller, her magic, stronger...he bent to return her embrace, albeit much more lightly, and let her chatter off about her day. 

"Dad and Touya are both here, and Kero too! Oooh, he's gonna be happy to see you too, he said you'd probably be too tired...oh! Are you ok, Yue-san?" she asked with so much concern it made Yue's chest ache.

"I'm fine, Sakura," he promised her gently. "I can be tired on a new moon, but I'm not sick or anything." She nodded resolutely, accepting his answer trustfully, and seemed to deem his answer good enough reason to pull him along by the hand back to her group.

"Kero-chan! Look who showed up!" she cried out, laughter coloring her voice, and Yue couldn't help but note the sincerity in it. His little mistress, who he was so harshly cruel to upon first meeting, cold and impatient with the child afterwards, who had very little reason to like him beyond sentimentality...yet here she was just beaming, as though Yue arriving had completed her afternoon, despite the fact that it came with the absence of Yukito.

Speaking of which...

Yue's eyes flitted up to search for Touya. He would be dissapointed, he was sure, to find the moon guardian having taken away his boyfriend for the afternoon. He could just imagine his face peppered with annoyance...yet when he found him, he appeared, at the worst, nonplussed, and at the best, curious. He tossed up a casual "Yo" in his direction as he dug through an ice cooler for a bottle of water.

"Yueeeee!" Kerberos's heavily accented voice reached him just moments before Kerberos himself did, and Yue was not braced for the impact. When he'd last paid attention, his sibling was a 7 inches tall plush toy with a pompom tail, not a four hundred pound Tsavo lion. He hit his side full-force, sending Yue crashing into the sand with a loud yelp. Whatever bruises he may have incurred, both to his body and to his pride, were lathed away with Kero's wet, adoring tongue.

"Little brother came to see me!" he cheered, planting a particularly sloppy cat's kiss to Yue's cheek, earning a sour glare. 

"Do not let me regret my decision," he threatened, using his full strength to try to roll his brothers massive form off of him. All the same Kero seemed to not mind the retort, and was instead bounding circles around his brother and Sakura, his paws the size of small supper plates leaving indentations in the fine, golden sand. Despite the sun beasts power, Yue sensed something far more akin to his own magic nearby, and reached out to lay a palm on Kero's great, now-bare head, his armor having been dismissed to allow him freedom to play in the waves. As he pressed skin to fur, feeling the warmth of the sun both internally and from the light shining past white clouds, he sensed a familiar presence, and offered a small smile.

"Hello, Illusion. Are you helping the Mistress hide our lazy lump of a brother?" he asked his card kindly, and a paint glimmer cast itself over Kero's amber fur, revealing a stained-glass like glitter of a pattern, pinks and greens and golds faceted in the sunlight.

"Yup! I look like a Neapolitan mastiff to everyone else!" Kero said, and Yue didn't even try to bite his tongue.

"That's a rather impressive breed. Sakura, don't you think perhaps a pug would be better suited, with how he snores? Or some other little yappy thing? Or I mean, I have heard pot bellied pigs as coming into fashion as pets as well-"

Sakura didn't have time to answer, as Kero drug his brother once again to the warm sand, hollering something about finishing that drowning he started in 1870, and Sakura jumped out of the way, knowing enough about sibling rivalry to know you did NOT get in between it, especially between brothers as strong as those two. She couldn't help but smile though, her green eyes brimming with excitement; seeing Yue with Kero seemed to be like catching a glimmer of the past, as though Return was casting its spell only in the smallest windows. Yue, who could be so cold and aloof and have so much pain in his clouded eyes, spoke with such kindness to his card, and Sakura could FEEL Illusions joy, having her guardian nearby and reaching out to touch her, her own moon magic swirling with his where spirit met skin. Kero spoke of the deck like 52 beloved little brothers and sisters, and she knew Yue would surely be the same with them, even if several were "older" than he. She had to wonder, over the din of Yue hollering at Kero that if he drug him into the water he'd SKIN HIM, what it had been like in their home, with dozens of spirits and sprites in varying forms of corporeal nature zooming about, flickering candles to life and watering the gardens...it sounded like a fairy tale to imagine, as she pictured an English manor somewhere an entire continent away, glimmering lights bedecking the trees, Wood coaxing ivy up to climb the walls and shade the windows in the summer maybe, with Dash and Jump playing in the flower beds like imps or goblins...and for the first time, seeing Yue pull himself away from the water, hearing Kero tease, seeing he brief glimmer of Illusion, she had to wonder, is that what her home would someday be like? Kero-chan would be with her always of course, she couldn't imagine ever being apart from him...but what of when she went to college? Would he live in her dorm? Or when she had her own home...would Yue live with her? But...Yukito and Touya would surely want to...would she someday have a home where she could let the cards free of their paper forms more often? What if she had children someday? Would they grow up racing Dash in the backyard, cajoling Float into helping them reach the cupcakes put away in the cabinet, hiding with Shadow during games? Would they learn how to fight and pounce and climb from Kero? Would Yue teach them archery or English or calligraphy?

She suddenly felt overwhelmed and slightly dizzy, as though her eyes were spinning along with her belly after a carnival ride; Most everyone at her age starts to wonder, at least in passing, what their life will be like, as they have their first tastes of independence. Its just that, Sakura still hadn't completely grown use to the idea that her life may be completely different from what she'd daydreamed at the start of 4th grade.

"Sakura-chan, you have such a deep look for such a bright day."

"Ho...hoe?" Sakura turned towards the soft voice, finding Tomoyo having slipped quietly to her side. She smiled to her friend, blushing deeply at having been caught so spaced out.

"Oh, no no, I'm fine!" she assured Tomoyo, already settling back in to the bright sunshine and cool breeze of the day. "Its just nice to not see Yue-san looking so sad..."

Tomoyo offered a calm smile and a relieved sigh, nodding her agreement, before pressing a few buttons to wake up her camera.

"Yue-san won't mind if I start adding him to our home movies, right?" she chirps, not even waiting for Sakura's answer.

The guardians in question seemed t have, for the moment, called the newest in a string of truces to their centuries-old war, Kero leading them back to where their blankets and towels and baskets had been set out. Yue refused point-blank to get in the water without pulling his hair up, and Kero conceded the inconvenience, knowing it would come with a willing playmate-slash-victim.

As they passed Touya and Fujitaka making themselves comfy in the sane and debating when to start a fire-pit for supper, Yue paused awkwardly; he hadn't seen his mistress's father since their first meeting involving a fire alarm, burnt chocolate and deepest shame.

"Kinomoto-san," he said with quiet respect, bowing as low as he dared think was appropriate as he passed, hesitating again before saying to Touya, "a pleasure again, Touya."

Touya nodded, offered Yue a declined water bottle, and wondered with remorse and frustration when things were every going to go back to not being awkward as hell. Or rather, when they would stop being awkward at all. Issuous impulse control that night aside, wasn't as though they had been close yet...thus far in their short relationship, everything was...difficult. Awkward. Yue seemed the sort to either hold people in intensely high esteem, or to judge them with way too much impunity. it seemed to Touya that Yue wasn't sure what to make of him; afterall, he had saved him. Given up a deep, ingrained part of him so he could live, and Yue wasn't so shallow as to let his later issue overshadow his gratitude or feeling of being in debt to him...but if Yue was going to be around, which of course he would, he'd like to be able to know him. He supposed that's why the monster was so adamant he join them today. It was going to be awkward, but it had to be, for it to get better.

A few feet away from the two other men, Yue eased himself to kneel on a white towel patterned with bright orange gold fish blowing bubbles, and set about unbinding his hair. Past him, in the breaking waves on the shore, Tomoyo and Sakura were squealing at the cold water, daring and encouraging one another to dunk themselves completely, and it didn't go unnoticed by either her brother nor her father that Yue was watching her intently. As were they, of course; as athletic and capable as she was, any parent was going to be watching their 12 year old daughter like a hawk while playing out in the open sea. They just weren't used to another party joining in, one who could, admittedly, probably do a much better job saving her in a catastrophe than they could.

"Sakura's young friend...Daidoji? She seems to be a very sweet young woman," was Yue's attempt at quiet conversation as he finger combed his long hair, easing the crimps from his bindings and his coil. 

Kero nodded, turning over to sun his belly. "Course she is. Tomoyo's great! I'd stay away from her though if I were you", he warned ominously.

Yue paused, his hands buried towards the nape of his neck to divide his hair in two. "Why? what's wrong with her? She seems like a fine young lady."

"Well course she is. But you know what she's like, even if you don't really speak to her in person. you give her an inch, show any personal interest in her, and you'll find yourself with ringlets and a pink headdress before you can figure out a way to tell a 13 year old girl no!"

Yue's face turned sour, and he appraised the dark haired girl splashing in the waves with a look a bit more akin to fear and trepidation than the bemusement of a moment ago. He shook his head, called Kerberos an alarmist, and split his hair down the center to pull each half over a shoulder, no quick task as he had over 7 feet of it.

Seemed he had plenty of practice though. His hands were deft and his eyes still on Sakura as he started by an ear and twisted one side into a tight coil, laying more and more hair till he reached the part in the back, then beginning to twist the length itself for several feet before passing it to his left. Without even opening his eyes, Kero made a noise in his throat but took the bundle of silvery-violet hair into his mouth, keeping it from untwisting as Yue repeated the same to the other side.

"...You know, " Yue began after several quiet minutes peppered only with Tomoyo's squeals. "Touya...you don't like the Lie boy very well, I understand, but I don't think he's the only one you ought to be keeping an eye on."

Touya, who was lounging back on his elbows, simultaneously making sure his sister didn't drown and trying to figure out why the hell anyone designed to be a fighting warrior would have hair like that, met Yue's lavender eyes for a moment. 

"Huh? Whaddya mean?"

Yue's lips tightened to something Touya swore could almost be a knowing smile, but Kero spoke first, holding Yue's hair between two paws.

"He means Tomoyo looks at Sakura the same way he use to look at Clow!" he teased, and immediately rolled his back to Yue so his strike couldn't hit his face. Instead he ended up crying something about his liver as Yue knocked him one then calmly went back to his braiding, beginning to twist the two nails into one flowing down his back. 

"I did NOT look at Clow like a smitten schoolgirl," Yue said with as much dignity as he could muster; both Touya and his father tried with mixed success to smile politely and not laugh.

"Sure, suuure you didn't," Kero said, moving just out of Yue's reach. "'Master Clow you look lovely in a formal suit.' 'Sakura-chan you couldn't possibly get any cuter!' 'Clow would you brush my hair for me? Pleeeeease?' 'Oh Sakura-Chan please let me make you a new-' HEY!"

Being out of physical reach didn't mean Yue couldn't reduce himself from throwing sand.

"My only POINT, dear older brother, was that Miss Tomoyo seems to be very taken with Sakura."

To be honest, Touya had known, more or less, for a while now. It was fairly obvious that she was crushing pretty hard on her; as they were getting older, he'd wondered if it was a childhood thing that would pass, but she seemed as endeared as always with his sister. Well. Honestly he'd like Tomoyo a lot better than that uppity brat from Hong Kong. 

Apparently deciding he had used his allotment of words for the day, Yue finished his coil, tying the ends tightly, before pulling the long rope into a bun at the back of his, coiled so tightly with several pins that his hair reached only to his hips. 

Kero, for his part, seemed to have been waiting for Yue to finish, because he snatched him off the beach blanket in an instant, dragging him down to the waterline, intent on either dunking or drowning his little brother, Touya honestly couldn't tell which. All he knew was that between Kero and Sakura's over excitement, it only took about 8 seconds for Yue to topple down into the cold, clear water.

"Kero, I DO still need to breathe!" he sputtered as he scooped his sodden, dripping bangs back away from his face, his hair now a deep, almost steely gray, the water reflecting sharp violet highlights to match his eyes. "And do I need to remind you that fire and water don't mix?"

"Yeah but see, you have a better sense of social propriety than me," Kero countered. "I mean, I'm not above trying to kill you in front of children, but you would never traumatize Sakura that way would you?"

"I would never, and you would think as her primary guardian, you wouldn't either. Ah, well," he finished with a sigh, one hand on his hip with his delicate eyebrows raised. "I suppose that's my job, to keep you in line."

Yue found himself back underwater before Sakura could even warn him that Kero was going to pounce.

At first, it was weird and a little disconcerting to see Yue like this, roughhousing, getting himself soaking wet, sand sticking to his pants, his hands, his hair, calling after his brother in languages Sakura didn't speak, one she couldn't even identify. After a half hour though, her trepidation melted like the last snows of March, bringing forth bright, warm blossoms; she decided instantly that she liked seeing this side of him...she wondered, again, watching an actual smile cross his face as he evaded his brothers splashing, if this was yet again another glimpse of what Clow Reeds home had been like, if this was what he had seen when he looked at Yue. Someone happy, someone who smiled. 

As the sun began to descend, the temperature went with it, the girls starting to shiver with the skin not covered by the water. There was very little breeze, but what there was was getting too cold for swimming, and at Fujitakas request the girls drug themselves from the water, tired, sandy, but still laughing, and took the towels her father offered before finding seats near the fire pit. both guardians politely declined, Kero preferring to shake himself off and Yue knowing trying to dry himself was a lost cause because he would be what Kero would shake off on. Instead he just squeezed the weight from his hair and begun the worthless trials of trying to evade his brothers dripping fur.

Over the firepit, Fujitaka had laid out several portions of fish, potatoes, and clams to bake, food Yue knew Yukito would enjoy; once he wasn't dripping, he would change back. Yuki would enjoy a meal far more than he would, and to be truthful, Yue felt like his socializing was about up for the day. Somehow, he'd managed to shove everything aside for a few hours, to not think about Clow, to not imagine the waters of the South China Sea rather than the shores of Japan, to not ache for company who he didn't have to repeat things to when he forgot to switch over from his native tongues. When he didn't think on any of that, he could actually have a nice afternoon that didn't stab and pierce through his chest...but there was only so long he could keep that damn from leaking, and it was already starting to crack.

"Oh! Tomoyo-chan look, are those seagulls?"

Her companions looked over to where the young girl was excitedly pointing, out into the water where a small flock of gray birds had landed, dunking themselves down around the water as though searching for morsels.

"Hm..think those are some kind of loon," Touya said, trying to peer through the glinting water with the evening sun shining on the waves. To his side, he heard the distinct sound of a hand making contact with densely furred muscle and was able to pick out enough English words to guess that he was stopping Kero from making remarks about loons being Yue's true family.

Tomoyo, ever the budding videographer, grabbed her camera to pick up some footage of their new water fowl friends, but sighed after just a few moments.

"I brought my old camera, since I was afraid of dropping it in the water; it won't zoom in close enough to see them" she sighed, lowering her camera. Sakura, however, grabbed her hand and they ran down t the shoreline, intent on getting a closer look at the local wildlife.

"Oh! When did it get so cold?!" they could hear Sakura cry out, her bravery gone as quickly as if someone had told her the water was haunted. they tried again, dipping their toes in, only to scurry back out, shrieking and clinging to each other as preteen girls are wont to do.

Touya didn't even hear Yue get up and leave; only noticed he had left once he spotted his long hair catching the sunlight as he approached the girls, seemed to speak to Sakura, to which she admitted a delightedly shrill sound.

"But Yue it's cold!" she protested after her initial charm. her guardian shook his head simply.

"Not for me. Snow and ice are parts of my element; takes more than you'd be use to to make me feel cold," he explained, as she and Tomoyo shared a look.

Before she could even ask, Tomoyo handed her her camera, seeming to be completely confident Sakura wouldn't drop it, and Yue knelt down low to let Sakura scamper a bit awkwardly up his back and onto his shoulders.

"Holding on?" he asked his mistress, and she nodded.

"Mmhmm!"

A hand bracing her right thigh tightly, his other reaching up to hold her left hand for Balance, Yue rose to his feet, listening to Sakura squeal as he lifted her with him.

"Yue-san you're so tall!" she cried out laughing, adjusting herself to be as stable as she could, but feeling perfectly safe with Yue's hand holding hers. He would never let her fall.

In actuality Yue was about 5'7", an average height for a man of his heritage and time period, but only truly "tall" in the eyes of a four foot sixth grader. 

Wordlessly, he strode into the water, his steps so smooth he seemed to barely disturb or ripple the waters surface. Even over the dandy, rocky pits underfoot, Sakura barely felt his posture waver as he walked her as far out into water as he dared.

Sakura may have had perfect trust in his ability to keep her safe, but that didn't stop Yue from being extra cautious with his small, precious charge. Clow had been a grown man, two centuries into his life before Yue was born, and it was never a question to look at him and see strength, power, and confidence. But his mistress was so small, he felt an even graver responsibility to keep her from harm. and for a child, it seemed to Yue that there were far more dangers than to a grown adult. He kept her little hand clasped firmly in his, countering any change in her balance as she raised her camera towards the birds. If her gasps and coos were an answer, they were indeed close enough for her to capture their bobbing, their fluttering feathers, and kicking feet as they dove for small passing fish. 

...a few minutes ago Yue had felt overwhelmed, too many people, too much commotion, too many things wanting his attention. But for a moment more...alright, he could stay. Just a little more. It was quiet out here, with just Sakura. Who trusted him to keep her from falling, whose confidence in him being there to protect her was a given. Who needed him, perhaps, if he could be so bold...

How could he be a proper guardian, what he was created to be, if he was hiding behind his other self?


End file.
